Shanghai Noon Page #2

[ Whooping ]

[ Groans ]

[ Screams ]

Hey !

[ Groans ]

- [ Speaking Chinese ]

- [ Speaking Sioux ]

- [ Tribal Drums ]

- [ Chanting ]

[Whooping]

[ Speaking Slowly ]

Where is Carson City ?

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughing, Coughing ]

[ Sniffs ]

[ Sighs ]

- [ Grunts ]

- [ All Cheering ]

[ Speaking Chinese ]

- How.

- How.

- How.

- How.

- How. How. How. How.

- How.

[ Speaking Sioux ]

[ Cheering ]

[ Stammering ]

[ Speaking Chinese ]

[ Speaking Sioux ]

- [ Repeats Phrase ]

- [ Repeats Phrase ]

[ Repeats Phrase ]

[ Popping Sound ]

[ Repeating Phrase ]

I thought

you might be hungry.

- [ Speaking Chinese ]

- [Dishes Clatter]

-You were wrong.

-You would find me a much better host...

if we could come to

some sort of an arrangement.

An arrangement ?

Like the one you have with the slaves

working on this railroad ?

These people

are free to leave.

What do you

want with me ?

Once I have the emperor's gold,

my work will be complete.

Princess.

I think it is time for you

to be among your people.

They don't look like any injuns

I ever seen, Jedediah.

That's because they're not

injuns, woman ! They're Jews !

[ Chickens Clucking ]

[Honky-Tonk Piano]

[Men Laughing]

You, stay.

[ Popping Sound ]

[ Clicking Sounds ]

[ Groans ]

[People Laughing]

- [ Chattering ]

- [Continues]

You guys,

get a load of this.

[Chattering Stops]

- How.

- [ All Laughing ]

Is this Carson City ?

No, this ain't

Carson City, Chief.

You're gonna have to get

your firewater somewhere else.

[Man] All right, Roy, ante up.

[People Laughing]

- And stay out!

- [ Whinnies ]

[ Whinnies ]

[ Clicking Sound ]

You bounce back fast,

kimosabe.

Ow.

What are you doin' here ? I thought

you were going to Carson City.

You ! You gave me

bad directions !

No, I gave you

wrong directions.

You want

your toothpicks back ?

- You got a lot of nerve,

comin' in here with that--

- Give it back to me !

- Ain't that somethin' ?

- [ Laughs ]

Take your hand

off me.

- Ohh !

- Ohh !

Hey, I just want to go

to Carson City !

[Rock]

You're goin'

for a ride !

Aaah ! Aaah !

[ Chuckles ]

No !

[Blows Landing]

Yes ! Yeah !

Yes ! Yes !

No ! No !

Sorry !

I'm sorry !

You !

[ Yells ]

[ Gunshot ]

- Who in the hell started this ?

- The Chinaman.

[ Shouting I n Chinese ]

Let me out !

Give me the book back !

I have to go to Carson City

to rescue the princess !

- You've got the wrong person !

I don't belong here !

- [ Harmonica ]

Hey !

[ Speaking Chinese ]

Keep goin' with the Chinese. That's

workin'. They're about to let you out.

- Give me the book back !

- For cryin' out loud, just

give him the book back, please.

- If it'll give us some peace

and quiet-- Forget about it.

- Open it up !

- They're not givin' you

the book back. Drop the book.

- I wasted enough time with you.

- What ? You've wasted enough

time with me ? What about me ?

- Give me the book !

- Listen for a second. Stop !

- Give me the book ! Hey !

Listen ! Stop !

You're not in the East, okay ?

You're not in China. This is the West.

The sun doesn't rise here, it sets here,

and you're closer

to getting us hung than you are

getting that book back, okay ?

Now, just--

I like that.

That's what I'm talking about.

You're wound so tight.

You're the most irritable guy I've ever

been around. Just relax for a second.

Take ten minutes, and then

you can go back to screaming, I promise.

I'll join you.

Okay, just relax for a second.

Come on, sit down.

Come on.

Just relax.

Is that relaxed ?

You look sort of

rigid there.

You know what ?

We got off on the wrong foot.

Let's try to start again.

Man, you sure can fight.

I've never seen anything like that.

[ Imitating Karate Yells ]

It was--

I'm trying to give you

a compliment.

You're not still mad about me pointin'

you in the wrong direction, are you ?

Come on. You gotta be able

to laugh at stuff like that.

Like me in the desert. I don't

hold any grudges. I laugh about it.

I'm not angry at you. You just

left me there with chopsticks to die.

Roy, all by his lonesome. Just me

and the buzzards pickin 'at my head.

You're a very silent man,

aren't you ?

You weren't expecting to see

old Roy in that bar, were you ?

Be honest.

Were you ? Huh ?

Did you really

use those chopsticks ?

You better believe it.

Now you laugh. That's funny.

I gotta remember that one.

- So, who are you ?

- I'm Imperial Guard

to the Emperor of China.

China.

- What's with the book ?

- The book belongs to Princess Pei Pei.

- Who ?

- Princess Pei Pei.

She was kidnapped

from the Forbidden City.

Forbidden City ?

I like that, the Forbidden City.

A princess kidnapped.

It's so mysterious. Oh, go ahead.

The emperor sent us

to get her back.

Us ? You mean your friends

from the train ?

They are also Imperial Guards.

They have four days to bring

the gold to Carson City.

- What gold ?

- The gold for the princess.

The gold--

Was the gold on the train ?

Yes.

How much gold ?

One hundred thousand pieces.

Sir ? Sir ?

Could you hand us that book, please ?

Sir, there's been

a mistake. He has--

Sir-- Yeah.

We're gonna get that book,

and we're gonna get you out of here.

- You help me escape ?

- Shh. Yes.

- Why ?

- Why ? I'm gonna tell you why.

Because there are some things

in this world that are just wrong,

and stealing a princess

is one of them.

Yeah.

That's wrong.

I'll tell you another thing.

I feel guilty about leading you

up that mountain.

What was I thinking ?

How much time did we waste there ?

That was stupid.

It wasn't funny. All right ?

Now, sit tight and let me

figure this out.

All right,

come on, Roy.

Maybe-- Maybe I pretend to be sick, then

attack the guards when they come in.

Okay, you mean

the sick prisoner routine ?

Yeah. Does that still

work in China ?

'Cause here it's sorta

been done to death.

- I have another idea.

- No, no, no, no, no.

Here's how you help me. You

stay on your side of the room,

let me figure it out over here.

Okay, you play over there.

Think. Think.

What do we got here ? Oh, yeah.

Okay.

We got wood. We got a wall

made out of wood.

That's good.

Oh, we got pillows.

We got pillows, sheets.

We got the sheets and the mattress.

Okay, let's put it all together.

Let's think. Add it up, add it up.

What do we got ?

What do we got ?

What are you doing ?

Stop ! Stop !

- What are you doing ?

- Shh.

- Hold this for me.

- No, no. That's your shirt.

You hold it.

I like your energy,

but I'm not with you.

- When the shirt gets wet,

it doesn't break.

- I don't know what that means.

And then--

Okay. And then what--

Then with the wet shirt, you--

You bend the bars.

That's the pay-off.

Don't waste my time

with stuff like that, okay ?

A 2,000-year-old civilization,

that's all you can come up with ?

Shame on you.

Shame on you.

Come on. Stop, please.

It's embarrassing.

[ Metal Creaking ]

- See ? I told you so.

- No, you said, "Wet shirt don't break,"

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