Shanghai Noon Page #3

not " Piss shirt

bend bar."

- Twist it.

- Help.

Okay, there.

Get it. There you go.

Just one more.

Yeah.

You're as strong as an ox !

Go ! You can do it !

There, you got it !

We're gettin' it !

- Hold it for me. I'll get through.

- Okay.

No, no, no. You hold it

and I'll go through.

[ Groans ]

No ! Not your hand ! Stop.

- Hold it.

- Adios, sucker.

- What ?

- I'm just kidding. Come on. Go.

I wouldn't leave

my old pal there.

Go.

Really squeeze.

No, no, no, no.

Grab this, grab that.

Work your magic

right here.

-Too dry.

-What ? Juice it up. Juice it up. Go.

I can't !

No more !

Ah, damn it.

Come on out, little Roy.

Work your magic.

[ Harmonica ]

- Hurry up.

- I'm trying, I'm trying.

- Stop ! Don't look at me.

- Relax !

- Relax. It'll come.

- Thanks.

- That helps. Yeah. Good.

- Is that called relax ?

Whoa !

Sheriff! Oh, thank God

you're here. Get the guns !

- Get my book !

- I got it !

Whoa, whoa.

Wow, who's the pretty lady ?

- That's my wife.

- How long you been in this country ?

- Four days.

- Nice work.

Hello.

Come on.

Let's adios, partner.

Hyah !

[Roy] Well, best of luck to you.

- Guess this is what

your people call sayonara.

- [Blows Harmonica]

Looks like Fido's giving you

some problems there.

You want me to, uh,

give you a hand ?

- No, I can do it.

- Sure, you can.

How is a greenhorn like you

gonna make it to Carson City. ..

and rescue

this princess ?

[ Sighs ]

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

I can't take it any more.

Watch me do it.

Get it like this

and you put it up high.

See ? It'll drift back

when you're riding.

- All right, I'll do it.

- Do what ?

Take you to Carson City,

help you rescue Princess " Pee Pee."

Pei Pei. You do not

care about the princess.

You don't know me

very well, do you ?

Tell you one thing-- I'd hate

to think of an innocent member. ..

of Chinese nobility

suffering.

Tell you that.

You people believe in karma

over there, right ?

Well, I've been thinking.

There must be a reason why

we keep running into each other.

I've ridden with some terrible men--

just people I couldn't trust.

But when I

look at you,

there's something different

about you, and I can see it.

I can see it

in your eyes.

It's what the Indians

call Chippichawa.

- What's that ?

- Chippichawa is nobility.

And you have it

in spades.

You've got yourself a partner.

This has nothing to do with gold, okay ?

[ Spits ]

Shake on it.

Why you spitting

in your hand ?

Well, it's customary,

to seal the deal.

- Come on. Let's go.

- [ Spits ]

This is gonna be

a long journey.

You boys take care now, you hear ?

Shalom.

- Shalom.

- Oh. Let's go.

Yee-haw !

Goddamn !

Looks like y'all had a twister

touch down in here. [ Laughs ]

- Roy O'Bannon and his partner

come through town.

- Roy O'Bannon ?

Roy O'Bannon ain't got no partner,

friend. Roy O'Bannon is dead.

He ain't dead. He busted out of jail

last night with the Shanghai Kid.

Shanghai Kid ?

Roy got a new gang goin' ?

That son of a b*tch.

That two-timin' son of a b*tch !

He double-crossed us with that Chinaman

from the damn train !

Just like that.

See, at kind of a rakish angle.

- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

- How do I look ?

I think you look great.

I think you look like a real cowboy.

Very dapper,

red bandana.

Roy O'Bannon.

- My name is Chon Wang.

-John Wayne ?

- Chon Wang.

- [ Laughs ]

- That's a terrible cowboy name.

- Why ?

No, come on, that's not gonna work.

That's horrible.

- That's so bad. And so's the ponytail.

- No !

It doesn't look

that bad, actually.

Never touch my queue.

That killed !

Ow.

- We have to go to Carson City.

- Okay.

Now, before we go to Carson City, I

want to teach you some stuff. Come on.

You just follow me.

- What's that ?

- Sensitivity. Increased reflexes.

Now, these are guns. These can be

your best friend or worst enemy.

That's a spin in my left hand.

That's a spin in my right hand.

That's two spins. Now, here,

I'm gonna let you hang onto this.

See ? Whoa. Be careful.

Always be ready. Always be ready.

Now, try to exhale

for long-range shots,

inhale for short-range.

All right, now cover up your ears,

'cause this could be loud.

Cover up your ears.

I am like a wild horse.

You can't tame me.

You put the oats in the pen, though,

and I'll come in for a nibble every day.

But if you ever shut that gate,

I'll jump the fence.

You'll never see me again.

Thing about your husband--

and this is nothing against him,

because I really

like him--

he comes from a very

male-dominated society.

Because I wanna be

a cowboy, baby

With the top down

and the sunshine shinin'

Cowboy, baby

- West coast chillin '

with the Boon's wine

- Gonna be a cowboy, baby

Ridin 'at night

'cause I sleep all day

Cowboy, baby

I can smell a pig

from a mile away

Let me put it this way--

my horse is definitely

not my best friend.

That's why they call me

a cowboy, baby

- With the top down

and the sunshine shinin'

- Cowboy, baby

Now, people start

looking at you funny,

all you gotta say is,

" Howdy, partner."

- Howdy, partner ?

- Faster than that or people will

think you're slow in the head.

- Howdy, partner.

- [Wang] Howdy, partner.

-Just follow my lead. Howdy, partner.

- Howdy, partner.

- Howdy, partner.

-Just park it right there.

It's not working.

Some people aren't as tolerant as I am.

Not very friendly today.

- [ Grunts ]

-John, what are you--

-John--

- Ow. Hurt.

Okay. We gotta

work on that.

Here you go, John.

Straighten up here.

- Roy, it hurts so bad.

- I know, John,

but I'm not gonna walk with you

if you walk like that.

I'll be okay.

- Hey, Roy. It's you.

- Holy sh*t !

I'm a wanted man.

Look at this !

- Five hundred bucks !

That's a lot of money.

- Let me see.

- Nice picture.

- Careful, careful.

Wow, look at this.

Do you know what this means ?

- This will drive the girls crazy.

- Really ?

Yes, really. Come on, let's get

a couple more of these.

- It's not bad.

- I'm wanted too !

- What ?

- This.

Oh, come on.

That's not right.

I know. I'm not

from Shanghai.

No !

$1 ,000 for a sidekick ?

- You gotta be kidding me.

- Be careful.

Justice system's

all screwed up.

Man can't even ride a horse, and that's

a really cool nickname-- Shanghai Kid.

It's like, got

a snap to it that--

Uh -oh, trouble.

John, come here. Get over here.

Tie 'em up

over here, fellas.

- What's going on ?

- Shh.

[Stammering]

Oh.

[Wang] Howdy, partner.

Oh, my God, it's a posse.

They can't be looking for us.

- What's " posse" ?

- Oh, I think they're passing us by.

[ Sighs ] It looked like Marshal Nathan

Van Cleef, the psychotic killer.

Roy O'Bannon !

This is Marshal Nathan Van Cleef.

- Ohh !

- We know you're hidin 'in there.

Oh, God, it is him.

It is him.

Why don't you throw down

Your six-shooters and come out

With your hands up.

And that goes for the scum

you're ridin' with too.

- He won.

- Roy, Roy, it's okay.

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