Shanghai Noon Page #4

No, it's not okay !

Stop ! You don't know this guy !

Let me talk to them.

Remember, we have to save the princess.

What are you doin' ?

St--

- Go easy, fellas.

- Why are they shooting at me ?

What happened to " Mr. Shanghai Kid" ?

"Oh, I'm a wanted man" ?

- Why ?

- 'Cause you're an outlaw.

- I am not an outlaw !

- Stop ! You're a bad guy !

- Look at that poster.

What does that say ?

- Drives girls crazy.

Drives girls crazy ?

Drives the posse crazy.

Makes them want to hang you,

string you up, because you're a bad guy.

- You got 20 seconds --

- Aw, God ! Give us a minute !

Go around back, gentlemen.

Make sure he isn't trying to

pull the saddle over our eyes.

Remember, I want

the Chinaman alive.

I'm not a bad guy.

You're a bad guy.

You're with me, you're a bad guy.

Hey, you put me

in this situation !

- I'm the good guy, you're the bad guy !

- No ! We're both bad guys !

- No, only you're the bad guy !

You go out there and tell them !

- No !

- I'm not going out there !

You go out there !

- No, you have to go !

[ Grunting ]

- Did I just do that ?

- Not bad.

I don't know karate,

but I know " karazy," and I will use it.

-[Yelling, Shouting]

-[Glass Shattering]

What the hell

is going on in there ?

You okay ?

You just threw me

through a window.

You got that gold ?

What ? Gold ?

What gold ?

Wrong answer.

Wait. I'm--

I'm unarmed. I'm unarmed !

No gun. Hold on, no gun.

I don't--

I'm unarmed!

You can't shoot an unarmed man.

- Don't worry. I help you.

- No, John. No, no.

John !

John--

Fight with honor.

You will win.

Are you frickin' insane? Is that what

they teach you in Imperial Guard School?

- What--

- Pick 'em up.

- [ Whinnying ]

- Well.

If it ain't

the Shanghai Kid.

[Chuckling]

How about we make

the Kid dance ?

Oh, come on !

You can do better than that.

[Gunfire Continues]

You robbed

the wrong train, son.

- Look, Marshal, I think that if--

-Just shut up and put on your guns.

[ Sighs ]

This is serious,

you know ?

We don't come back

from this.

That's the general idea.

[Gunfire Continues]

[ Groans ]

[ Clicking ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Screaming ]

[Men Laughing]

- What the hell you doin' ?

- [ Exhales ]

Stop procrastinating.

Come on. Hurry up, son.

Stop it ! I'm not gonna let you

cheapen it. All right ?

This is a duel.

It's a sacred thing.

It's beautiful.

It's what separates us from the animals.

- [ Chuckles ]

- Oh, yeah.

Whew !

I do not envy you. You ready ?

Why don't you turn

and face me like a man ?

Why don't you do it your way and I'll

do it my way ? How about that ?

[ Chuckling ]

[Thinking]

Oh, come on, Roy. You can do it.

Oh, no, you can't.

He's gonna kill you.

- One.

- He's gonna blow you away.

Come on, Roy.

Don't think like that.

Two.

[Thinking]

Oh, yeah. Be positive.

Be the bullet.

Be the lead bullet.

- I'm about to die.

-[Van Cleef] Three.

Roy !

Duel's off!

-[Horse Whinnies]

- Roy !

You blew it, John !

Never interrupt a man

in the middle of a duel.

I had him. That's what kills me.

I had him ! I had him !

[ Shouting I n Chinese ]

Now you know how it feels

to haul you around in that sedan chair.

I will never

bow to you.

Take a good look

at these faces.

If you attempt to escape,

I will kill one worker

every hour...

- until you are found.

- [ Grunts ]

- Starting with this one.

- [ Groans ]

Do not let him

see you suffer.

I know who you are.

Please, tell no one.

[Explosion]

- You call this a special hideout ?

- [Piano]

Yes, it is, John.

It's also a good place

to gather intelligence,

'cause no one passes through Carson City

without these people hearing about it.

- Would you ask them about the princess

- Yes, sir, I will.

And I don't care

how ugly it gets.

I'm not gonna rest until

I've pumped everybody in there

for information, okay ?

- [Continues]

-[Chattering, Laughing]

- Hi, Roy.

- Roy.

-[O'Bannon] Hello, ladies.

Make way for

a couple of desperados.

Nice to see you again,

Mr. O'Bannon.

- [O'Bannon] Greetings. Hello.

- [Women] Roy.

Oh, yeah, we're gonna get

some information here. Trust me.

This is not

a proper hiding place.

Oh, come on, John.

Let's relax for a little bit.

- Here, have a drink.

- No. I wanna find the princess.

So do I, but we can't exactly go door

to door in Carson City looking for her.

- Don't forget, we're wanted men.

- Only because of you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everything's my fault.

So, what's the princess like ?

John, what's the princess like ?

Is she pretty ?

- Is she a pain in the neck ?

- You are not fit to talk about her.

John, you better

remember where you are.

This is the West.

It's not the East.

- Remember ?

- And the sun may rise

where I come from--

Blah, blah, blah.

I know.

Good.

You remember.

- Is she single ? Is she single ?

- What ?

Is she married ?

Is she available ?

Only to a member

of the Imperial family.

Are you a member of the Imperial

family ? I don't think so.

Was that a joke, John ?

That was a joke.

John, that was your first joke.

We gotta have a toast. Your first joke.

- Yes. Yes.

- No.

Come on.

Drink.

-Just one.

- Okay.

But don't talk about

the princess any more.

Word of honor.

Be fun to play

a drinking game.

- You know any Chinese drinking games ?

- No. [ Coughing ]

Every country has a drinking game.

You must know one.

Just one ?

[ Speaking Nonsense Rapidly ]

- Uno mas ?

- Uno-- What ?

- One more. Uno mas.

- Okay.

[Nonsense Continues]

No ! I lost ?

One more.

Oh, no !

Oh, yeah !

I'm so lost, John.

Ninety percent of the time,

I don't even know...

what I'm doin'

out here in the West.

-[Horse Whinnies]

- Terrible outlaw.

- No, you're a good outlaw.

- Stop, please. I'm a screw up.

- No, I am screw up. Look at my scar.

- No.

One for arriving late

At a guard duty.

One for dropping fighting stick.

You good. I saw you.

The only thing I'm good at

is talking.

- It's true.

-John.

- Huh ?

- Take your hand off me, John.

Oh.

[ Sighs ]

One more game ?

No. No more drinking.

That's it.

- Uno mas ?

- No mas, John. No mas.

[ Nonsense Continues ]

Roy ?

Roy ?

- Are you coming ?

- Fifi ?

Uno mas ?

[ Burps ]

-[Glass Shatters ]

- [ Burps ]

So, who's your

funny-looking friend ?

[ Chuckles ]

I don't know.

He's this crazy

Imperial Guard I met.

He's-He's really funny.

- [Piano Continues]

-[O'Bannon] The guy's hysterical.

We were just playing-- Did you see us ?

We were just playing that game.

John's going--

[Speaking Nonsense]

And I was going-- You can't really

understand what he's saying, but--

Roy ? Roy ? I never figured you

for riding with a Chinaman.

Well, I'm not exactly

riding with him, Fifi .

He's not my friend, you know.

I mean, he's a Chinaman.

[Fifi ] Well, that's good.

[O'Bannon] I mean--

And you really--

Were you guys talking

about who he was ?

- Let's talk about something else.

-[Woman Screams]

- [Van Cleef]

Don't you look delicious ?

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