Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda

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Help me, please!

Somebody please help me!

Okay. What have we got?

Three mackerel

one bonito.

Do you know, Lorena, this area around

here is not such a good area for fishing.

We're not supposed to be fishing!

We're supposed to be

studying the eco system.

Wait, what's that?

What's that? What's that?

- What? What is what?

- Right there!

Trash?

No, no, no. It's an egg sack.

Bring it over here.

It's huge! From a Great White maybe.

Maybe. I don't know.

Hello.

Huh.

Your..., Mr. Symes.

Thank you, Rachel.

Mornin', boys.

Test deployment in

T minus three, two, one.

Deployment successful.

Air speed, 200 miles per hour.

Altitude, three thousand

feet and dropping.

- Outstanding. Mr. Hammerstein.

- Air speed, 200 miles per hour.

Are you ready to witness history?

As your head of security,

it's my legal responsibility

to remind you... you're nuts.

You know how many fighter jets

the Pentagon bought last year?

Hmm.

They prefer drones, the stupid

little things you fly with a joystick.

I say, screw that.

I wanna build a better mouse trap,

something that lives and breathes.

What is this thing?

We've been harvesting prehistoric

DNA for years now,

strictly off the book.

The problem is that the genetic

sequences are fragmented,

so we have to inlay, splice stuff

in there from living creatures.

Target acquired.

Plus, I wanted certain enhancements.

I mean, the Pterodactyl

is fine on land, in the air,

but I wanted him to have

amphibious qualities, as well.

Fast in the water, excellent vision.

Basically, just plain mean.

And why do you have me here?

Mr. Hammerstein

I present to you... Pteracuda!

Yeah!

Huh?

Yeah.

I tried to sell this

to the State Department

and they were afraid of the

international. Just built one for myself.

Entering new command prompt.

Pteracuda, return to base.

The Pentagon doesn't know about this?

No, my own board of directors

doesn't know about this.

I financed this entire operation

out of secret bank accounts.

I mean, by the time

my board gets a hold of this,

they're gonna be begging

to give me money.

You know, just begging to pour it on.

It... it's not responding

to command, sir.

Try it again.

Repeat, Pteracuda, return to base.

Pteracuda, return your ragged,

prehistoric ass to base.

Pteracuda changing course.

It works.

Airspeed steady at

one hundred miles per hour.

Increasing to one twenty.

Okay.

One forty.

- Air speed still increasing. Sir?

- Why?

Air speed, 200 miles per hour.

Sir, it's heading right for us.

Well, you know, you can't make an

omelette without breaking a few eggs.

Don't just stand there looking smug,

get your men, go after it! Go on!

Load up!

Let's go. Let's stay focused, stay alive.

So, how long before it went crazy?

Six and a half minutes.

Son of a gun.

Did you hear that?

Six and a half minutes.

You know what that means?

- Vasquez wins the pool.

- Pay up, b*tches.

Stupid.

What's its current location?

Radar has your bogie 60 miles south

and holding steady in that position.

All right, lock and load.

Let's go, go, go!

xxx number 4561,

you're clear for takeoff.

Copy that, tower.

We are clear for takeoff.

Everybody hold on tight.

Up, up and away.

Okay, people, look alive.

We're approaching the coordinates.

All right, guys,

are you ready to do this?

Hey, Ham, why do you always

put that picture of your baby up?

'Cause when it's my time

that's what I wanna be looking at.

And I'm stuck staring at your ugly face.

It's go time, everyone.

Hit to your side!

Did you hit it?

No way! We're going too fast!

Bullets are just bouncing

off this mother!

Who's got a visual?

We gotta get closer!

We can't hit it at this rate!

There!

Hey, what the hell

is going on out there?

Yeah, what happened?

This thing's gone berserk.

It's gone into kamikaze mode.

I don't know, the internal

CPU is still functioning

but the program commands seem

to be coming from somewhere else.

In English, please.

It's still working

it's just not working for us.

Oh, my God!

No!

Cap, take the sticks!

- Come on, show your ugly little beak.

- Come on, little birdie!

Polly wants some payback.

It's right below us! Shoot to the fore!

Somebody needs to get

eyes on that! Now!

Mac! Mac, are you all right?

What the hell!

Vasquez, it's us!

Come on, we gotta go!

Let's get, come on!

What... what was that thing?

Ah! Oh!

Oh!

Oh! Son of a Cossack!

From another time, mankind

was known to fear the ocean

because the water means death.

The ocean is salt with

the tears of the dead...

victims of nature's most perfect killing

machines the octopus and the shark.

Every year, these creatures

are responsible

for hundreds of confirmed attacks,

and thousands more go unreported.

Imagine a creature that combines

these tentacles with those jaws.

Your worst nightmare.

Today, Mundo del Mar Adventure Park

is proud to make those

nightmares come alive.

Prepare yourself, ladies

and gentlemen, to witness the one,

the only... Sharktopus!

What? Lorena, you missed your cue!

That opening was totally unacceptable!

It brings the suspense!

We're trying to educate

the public about an important

- scientific discovery.

- No, no, no, no.

I already pay for this video, okay?

I think that let's go,

let's go! Vamos, Lorena! Come on!

What's that?

I told you, it doesn't like noise.

Octopi are very reclusive.

- They like dark, quiet space.

- Stage fright?

- Oh, my God.

- The monster has stage fright?

Don't you know how much money

I have spent

- Yeah, yeah, I know.

- Feeding this creature?

You don't know where the money

comes from, right?

- Lorena!

- Calm down!

As'que this is no charity!

- This is a business.

- This is a business.

Hey... just say your lines, okay?

Welcome to Mundo del Mar,

I'm the park's lead... only... biologist,

and for the past six months it has been

my honor to train this incredible creature.

And using only positive reinforcement,

we've reached new heights.

Some new heights.

Come on, pecesito.

What? That's it?

Moises! Moises!

Yes, sir! Yes, sir!

I... I got the fish right here.

Sir, we got it. It's alive, sir.

Is that a live fish?

- Ah, yes, it's really alive.

- Are you crazy?

- You see?

- Real alive.

This Sharktopus is a hunter!

He needs the thrill of the chase!

Moises, watch out!

Moises!

Are you okay?

Uh, I'm all right, sir. I'm all right.

I did what you said, sir.

That's dangerous, sir.

What the heck is that?

A little more chlorine to help him relax.

You're sedating him? I'm trying

to replace the hunting instinct.

You've just undone

- weeks of conditioning.

- No, no, no, no, no.

We don't have time

for do that! Eh, Lorena?

I have to pay the show!

Trust me! Hey, hey, hey,

where are you going?

I have an appointment with a dolphin.

Get more bleach.

Are you sure this is safe?

Yes, ma'am.

But you might wanna

put that drink down.

I might not.

Hey, baby, let me show you

how a man plays with a dolphin.

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