Shattered Glass Page #4

got through to one.

A Bible-talk station

in Kentucky.

And I managed

to convince the screener

that I was a behavioral

psychologist

who "specializes

in human-on-human biting."

I told the guy that I'd done

all this extensive research

on people who chomp flesh

under extreme stress...

And what did they say?

They put me on the air,

I took calls for minutes.

Oh, my God!

Where does he find

these people?

It's kind of stupid,

I know. It's silly.

I'll probably just kill it.

Does that mean

you'll help me with it?

Why? Do you have finals

this week?

Okay, moving right along.

Chuck, what do you have

for us?

That's a bit of a hard act

to follow.

Very hard act to follow.

Okay.

I'm starting the piece on Haiti,

and I'll be going to...

Hey.

Don't let me interrupt.

- Hey, Marty.

- Michael.

I'm going to be going

to Port-au-Prince for a few days.

Uh-huh.

Marty Peretz, our boss,

he's a little scary.

How about the commas and dates?

Are we supposed to circle those too?

Let's just get this done, okay?

What the hell is this?

Marty told us to circle

all the commas in the last issue,

so he could show us

how we used them improperly.

What?

He said, "Commas

should always appear in pairs."

Apparently the issue was rife

with comma errors.

- "Rife"?

- That's what he said.

I see.

No, I'm not angry, Marty.

I'm embarrassed for you.

These people work

grueling hours for meager pay.

They deserve a thank you,

not another one

of your world-famous tantrums.

Yeah, okay. I'd resign before

I'd let you bully them like that again.

And I will.

Do you understand that?

Okay. Thank you.

"The Great Comma Debate"

is history,

so we can all

go back to work.

There are good editors,

there are bad editors.

You'll have both.

My hope for you though

is that once,

at least once

you get a truly great one.

A great editor

defends his writers...

against anyone.

He stands up, and fights for you.

Michael Kelly

was that kind of editor.

He had that kind of courage.

And that's what hung him.

Hello.

Hey, Chuck, it's Marty Peretz.

You got a minute?

Of course,

how are you, Marty?

I'm in a bit

of an uncomfortable situation.

I thought you might

be able to help me out.

- Sure.

- It's about Mike.

- Oh.

- He and I...

well, it hasn't been working out

for some time now, as you know.

The tone of the magazine

I think it's... gotten too nasty!

It's strayed from the traditions

that make it great.

And... I'm going to be

making a change.

I see.

I'd like you to step in for him, Chuck.

I'd like you to become Editor.

Editor?

There's a catch, of course.

Mike doesn't know any of this yet,

and it's gonna be

two or three days before I tell him.

It'll have to remain between us

until then. Would that be a problem?

- Marty, Mike's a friend.

- I appreciate that, Chuck.

But I can't remove him until I know

who is going to be his replacement

for continuity's sake.

So this is how it has to be.

I'm gonna have to think about this.

I'm gonna have to discuss it

with Caterina.

Of course, of course!

Listen...

Marty, have you thought about the impact

this might have on the staff?

They feel very...

he's earned

a lot of loyalty there.

Yes, mostly by fighting with me.

The point is, I haven't earned

that kind of loyalty. If it looks like...

I'll be there tomorrow.

We'll go over all this in detail.

- Will you call me at the hotel?

- Yeah.

I really appreciate this, Chuck...

your discretion.

- Good night.

- 'Night, Marty.

So, I just got off the phone

with Marty,

and I've been fired,

effective immediately.

I'm to be out

of the building by : p.m.

Chuck Lane has been

chosen to replace me.

Chuck is not an editor.

He's barely even a writer.

There's no way I'm gonna

be able to work for him.

We should've seen this coming...

the way he laughs whenever

Marty tells a joke in the meetings.

They're never funny, but there's Chuck

completely howling. He's so political.

And stiff,

and humorless.

And pissy. I mean,

how pissy does he get

whenever you try to fact-check

one of his pieces?

It's like I'm sorry, but we have

an obligation to get our facts straight.

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