Shaun Of The Dead Page #6

- Why didn't you?

Because... Because, because of...

Captain Wow.

- Will you stop it?

- We'll get nowhere moaning.

Right, let's all shake out.

Get nice and limber.

Or not.

Take another look at the way he moves.

Remember, very limp.

Almost like sleepwalking. Look at the face,

it's vacant with a hint of sadness.

Like a drunk who's lost a bet.

OK, let's try, shall we? Liz.

Nice. Good vocal work.

OK. Barbara, that's excellent.

Sorry, dear, I was miles away.

- D-Daffs.

- Uh.

- Come on!

- Urgh.

It's mournful, sorrowful,

you're dead and you hate it. Go.

Uuurgh.

- Much better. Ed.

- I'll do it on the night.

This is the night!

- What is that?

- What about yours?

Who died and made you

f***ing king of the zombies?

Don't...

Yeah, that's pretty good.

Right, let's all try together, shall we?

One, two, three.

Go, go, go, go.

Sh*t! Get round me, get round me!

John? John, Bernie, are you there?

It's Shaun and Ed. We come in all the time.

- They can hear you.

- We do the quiz.

- They know.

- Stay in character!

- I can't see them.

- Shaun, we have to get inside.

- Break the window.

- We'll be exposed!

- Break the window!

- Is there another way in?

Yeah, there's...

Two seconds. Hey, Noodle.

- 'All right? '

- Yeah, man, I can't talk now.

- 'You get anything yet? '

- I got nothing.

I'm in the middle of something.

Yeah, it's weird.

- Oi! What are you doing?

- What are you doing? You stupid moron.

- F*** off.

- You f*** off!

F*** f***ing off! I've spent an entire life...

Look at me. I've spent my entire life

sticking up for you

and all you ever do is f*** things up

and make me look stupid.

I'm not gonna let you do it any more.

Not today!

Shaun.

Oh.

You were saying about another way in?

Yeah, there's a...

What are you doing?

- No!

- Get inside.

No, they'll follow us.

Keep up the act, I'll have to do something.

- What do you mean do something?

- Hello, hello, over here!

Come on, that's it.

Come on, that's it, over here!

Over here! Come on. Oh, bollocks.

- Wait till I've gone then get inside.

- Gone where?

I won't be long, I promise. Come on,

you pasty-faced f***ers, let's go! Follow me.

Come on, this way, that's it!

Come on. This way, follow me.

Come on, follow me.

Come and get it. It's a running buffet.

All you can eat!

Shall we go in, then?

- Come on, Barbara. Leave those.

- I think they're for me.

- He's been gone a good 20 minutes.

- 17.

Either way, we need to think about blocking

up this window. We're totally exposed.

- How will Shaun get back in?

- I'm sure he'll knock.

- Let's get some lights on.

- David, wait!

- Power's off.

- That's a good thing.

- We mustn't advertise our whereabouts.

- No, of course not.

- Do we, David?

- No, of course not, Lizzie.

I'm just being proactive.

There's no lights, no power.

And there's a hole in the window.

- You did that, you twat.

- Somebody had to do something!

We were in a spot of bother. Somebody

has to take control of the situation

and if none of you are prepared

to accept that responsibility

then perhaps... I should.

- Will Shaun be gone long?

- He'll be back soon.

- How do you know?

- I don't think he'd leave us.

Wouldn't he? How can you trust a man

you binned for being unreliable?

A man whose idea of a romantic nightspot

is also an impenetrable fortress.

This is a pub! We are in a pub!

What are we going to do?

I could get a round in.

Let's just wait for Shaun. We'll barricade

the window when he gets back.

What then? How long?

Days? Weeks? A month?

- What are we going to eat?

- Toasties!

- There's a Breville out back.

- Great. Saved by nibbles.

Must be why Shaun took us here

before he left.

- He's coming back!

- Why? Because he promised?

If he does, do you think his master plan

will be anything more than eating peanuts?

Is he just gonna stroll in

and suddenly everything's OK?

I don't know, David!

I don't know any more than you do.

But what I do know is that we're here now

and we have to make the best of it.

- Ed, get me a double vodka.

- Right you are.

I'll have a drink too.

Would you like a drink, Barbara?

- Hello.

- Right, great, f*** it.

We'll have a party

and get completely smashed.

We've got our nibbles.

We've got our Mini Cheddars.

- David!

- We got Twiglets. Oh, look, hog lumps.

Pickle!

Hello, Mum. You all right?

- Everybody OK?

- Yeah.

- Any sign of John and Bernie?

- No.

- Check upstairs?

- It's locked.

- Phones?

- Dead. Same as the power.

- OK...

- Nice of you to join us.

Yeah, well, I promised, didn't I?

How did you lose them?

I just gave them the slip.

Wasn't difficult. They're not all that.

- Well, how did you get in?

- The back door.

I tried to tell you

before you smashed the window.

But it wasn't me blowing our cover

by arguing with my boyfriend.

- He's not my boyfriend.

- Might be a bit warm, the cooler's off.

Thanks, babe.

So, what's the plan, then?

Would anyone like a peanut?

Why don't you do your Clyde?

Has anyone seen

Every Which Way But Loose?

Ed does the most amazing

impression of the orang-utan.

- No, it's not.

- It is. Come on. Do it.

- No, no.

- But it's brilliant. Come on.

- You've built it up too much.

- No, just do it.

Everyone wants to see it.

We could do with a laugh.

Do it, do it, do it, do it. Come on, do it.

I'm not a performing monkey.

- The power's on.

- It's not, I tried it earlier.

The streetlights are on.

I'll flip the fuses, we can watch television.

- What about the lights?

- Yes. Don't advertise our whereabouts.

The lights are on a separate circuit.

Just flip the mains breakers.

It's quite simple, David.

- Is that it?

- That's it.

Liz, erm... have you got a quid?

Erm...

Yeah.

Never anything on, is there?

What?

- I think we might have a bit of a problem.

- What do you mean?

- They followed me.

- I thought you said you gave them the slip.

Yeah.

Well, we'll just have to be

extra quiet then, won't we?

What?

Ed, no!

Turn it off!

Sh*t!

- Where the hell did he come from?

- I dunno.

- Who put this on?

- It's on random.

Dianne, get Mum somewhere safe.

David, kill the Queen.

- What?!

- The jukebox!

- Liz, Ed, grab a weapon.

- What about the rifle?

- Cocktails?

- What do you mean?

The flaming spirits

Get a rag in, light it.

- But the whole place could go up.

- What, then?

How about pool?

# Don't stop me now

# Don't stop me

- # Cos I'm having... #

- John, it's time at the bar.

# I'm a shooting star

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