She Loves Me Not Page #3

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IF I CAN'T PUT MY

NEW PUBLICIST UP

WHEN SHE COMES TO TOWN

TO STRAIGHTEN ME OUT?

OKAY.

CAN I FIX YOU A DRINK,

OR DO YOU WANT TO GO

STRAIGHT TO YOUR ROOM?

UH, IT'S A LITTLE EARLY.

NONSENSE.

DO YOU WAN ONE OR NOT?

I GUESS:

I'LL HAVE A DRINK.

SORRY IT TOOK ME A WHILE

TO GET TO THE FRONT DOOR.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I'M SURE IT WAS A LONG WAY

FROM WHEREVER YOU WERE.

EXACTLY.

MARTINI?

WHATEVER YOU'RE

HAVING IS FINE.

MARTINI IT IS.

CHEERS.

CHEERS.

TO IMPENDING:

SUCCESS.

SURE.

NO WORKMEN TODAY?

I RAN OUT OF MONEY.

IS THA THE MISSISSIPPI?

IT IS.

IT'S NOT HOW

I IMAGINED IT.

OH?

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?

TO SEE HUCK AND JIM

DOWN THERE?

MAYBE.

OR A RIVERBOAT.

I GUESS THOSE ARE

DOWN BY NEW ORLEANS.

THAT'S FAR SOUTH

OF HERE.

HUCK AND JIM:

STARTED OU IN TWAIN'S HOMETOWN

OF HANNIBAL,

WHICH IS A FEW HOURS

NORTH OF HERE.

I THOUGHT MARK TWAIN

WAS FROM CONNECTICUT.

MOST EAST-COASTERS DO.

PLEASE,

HAVE A SEAT.

( coughing )

ARE YOU OKAY?

FINE.

LISTEN,

THE NEW BOOK:

IS GREAT.

THANK YOU.

IT'S NOT GONNA

SELL ITSELF.

WE'RE GONNA NEED

TO PEDDLE IT.

UH-HUH.

WE HAVE TO:

CLEAN UP OUR IMAGE.

IF I'D KNOWN YOU WERE

THIS GOOD LOOKING,

I WOULD'VE

SHOWERED AND SHAVED.

I HAVE NO DOUB THAT YOU CAN LOOK

HANDSOME AND PRESENTABLE.

I HAVE NO DOUBT EITHER.

IT'S BARELY 5:
00,

AND YOU'VE ALREADY

BEEN DRINKING.

YOU CAN'T DO THA WHEN WE'RE ON

YOUR BOOK TOUR.

F*** THAT.

WE'RE REBUILDING

YOUR BRAND.

PEOPLE DON'T LIKE

ALCOHOLICS.

WHAT ABOU F. SCOTT FITZGERALD

OR WILLIAM FAULKNER

OR JOHN CHEEVER?

NEED I GO ON?

IF ANY OF THOSE GUYS

WERE SELLING A BOOK TODAY,

IT WOULD HAVE TO

BE A BOOK ABOU THEIR RECOVERY.

WHAT ABOUT CARRIE

WHAT'S-HER-NAME?

PRINCESS LEIA?

ALL HER STUFF IS

ABOUT HER ADDICTIONS.

YEAH,

UNDER THE AUSPICES

OF RECOVERY.

THEY'RE ALL ABOU HOW SHE STRUGGLES

TO GET BETTER.

EDGAR ALLAN POE:

WAS LOADED FROM:

SUNUP TO SUNDOWN.

AND YOU'VE WRITTEN

A COMING-OF-AGE STORY

ABOUT A YOUNG GIRL.

DOROTHY PARKER SPEN MOST OF HER TIME

UNDER THE ROUND TABLE.

WAIT, I SHOULDN' HAVE WRITTEN THAT.

NO. IT'S BRILLIANT.

OH.

80% OF THE FICTION

MARKET IS WOMEN,

AND IT'S

A FATHER-DAUGHTER

STORY.

THE FATHER RESISTING

HIS DAUGHTER'S MATURING.

IT'S A BRILLIAN COMMERCIAL CHOICE.

I KEPT TELLING PATTY

I WANTED TO WRITE

A NEW GENRE.

AND WHAT A GREA COMEBACK.

"COMEBACK."

I DO SO DETES THAT PHRASE.

THE MAN WHO CALLED HIS WIFE

A MONEY-GRUBBING COW

ON NATIONAL TELEVISION

HAS CHANGED:

AND WRITTEN:

A COMING-OF-AGE NOVEL

SHOWING THAT HE UNDERSTANDS

HOW WOMEN STRUGGLE.

HE WAS DRUNK WHEN

HE SAID THOSE THINGS,

BUT NOW HE'S CLEANED UP.

CUTE.

IT'S A TOTAL DEPARTURE

FROM ANYTHING ELSE

YOU'VE WRITTEN.

YOU, UH...

YOU THINK:

IT'LL MAKE MONEY?

PATTY DOESN' WANT ME TO TELL YOU,

BUT THERE'S A BIDDING WAR

HAPPENING OVER THE FILM RIGHTS

RIGHT NOW.

I... LOVE PATTY!

SO, GET SOBER,

GET A NEW SUIT,

KISS SOME BABIES.

THIS'LL BE EASY.

WE'LL SKIP OVER THE PAR WHERE I ADMIT I HAVE

A PROBLEM,

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW...

THEN WE JUST HAVE TO

TALK ABOUT ME.

YOU NEED A REFILL?

ONE IS MY LIMIT.

THANKS.

DID YOU SAY WE HAVE TO

TALK ABOUT YOU?

YES.

MY FEE.

I KNOW WHO WROTE

YOUR BOOK.

ME. I WROTE IT.

CHARLOTTE WROTE IT.

( scoffs )

DON'T BE ABSURD.

ARE YOU SURE:

I CAN'T FIX YOU ANOTHER?

I'VE READ EVERYTHING

YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN.

I KNOW YOUR WORK,

INSIDE AND OUT.

HOW IS CHARLOTTE?

SHE'S GREAT.

SELLING HER BOOK

COULD'VE BEEN THE BIGGES MISTAKE IN HER LIFE.

HOW SO?

WHAT IF SHE'S

HARPER LEE?

WHAT IF SHE'S ONLY

GOT ONE BOOK IN HER?

HARPER LEE WAS A LESBIAN,

AND CHARLOTTE IS, WELL,

SHE'S CERTAINLY

NO HARPER LEE.

SO, DID YOU, UM...

DID YOU SHARE:

YOUR REVELATION:

WITH PATTY?

NO.

CHARLOTTE'S BOOK

CAME IN:

A WHILE AGO.

THEY PASSED ON I WITHOUT EVEN

READING IT.

BUT SOMEHOW:

IT ENDED UP:

ON MY DESK.

HER BOOK,

WITHOUT A NAME:

BEHIND IT,

WON'T MAKE ANY MONEY.

BUT WITH YOUR NAME,

AND A COMEBACK...

IT'LL MAKE ENOUGH DOUGH

TO MAKE ME WORTH BLACKMAILING.

IT'S VERY CLEVER.

LET'S SEE, NOW.

I'M ALREADY

PAYING ALIMONY,

WHICH IS...

BLACKMAIL, THE STUFF

EVERYBODY ALREADY

KNOWS ABOUT.

TO ONE MONEY-GRUBBING COW.

"COW" WAS NO THE "C" WORD

I WAS THINKING OF

AT THE MOMENT.

COULD I HAVE:

SOME WATER?

CERTAINLY.

YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE

HARPER LEE NEVER GOT MARRIED

DOESN'T MEAN

SHE WAS A LESBIAN.

UH-HUH.

( laughing )

HERE HE IS NOW.

I JUST WANTED:

TO LET YOU KNOW:

I GOT HERE SAFELY.

YEAH.

DO YOU WANT TO SAY

HI TO HIM?

HI, PATTY.

THANKS FOR THE WATER.

MARCY SAYS THERE'S

ALREADY A BIDDING WAR

FOR THE FILM RIGHTS.

( mouths words )

WELL, THAT'S GREAT.

THAT'LL BE GOOD

FOR EVERYBODY, RIGHT?

YEAH.

SHE'S TERRIFIC.

WE'RE GONNA

REALLY ENJOY:

WORKING TOGETHER.

I WILL.

ALL RIGHT.

THANKS, PATTY.

BYE.

BOURBON?

SCOTCH.

NO MORE MARTINIS?

THEY TAKE TOO LONG.

SO, I'M THINKING

25% OF WHATEVER

COMES IN:

FOR THE FIRS FEW MONTHS,

AND 20%

OF THE FILM DEAL.

HOW DO YOU FIGURE

THOSE NUMBERS,

IF YOU DON'T MIND

MY ASKING?

SHE WROTE:

A REALLY GREAT BOOK.

I THINK IT'S GONNA

BE VERY BIG.

BIG PIE,

BIG PIECES.

AND IF I DISAGREE?

I'M HANDLING

ALL YOUR PRESS.

I'LL GIVE AN EXCLUSIVE

ON HOW BETRAYED I FEEL

THAT YOU LIED:

ABOUT THE AUTHORSHIP

OF YOUR LATES BLOCKBUSTER.

THAT YOU BOUGHT I FROM YOUR PROTEGE.

IT WILL CALL:

INTO QUESTION:

EVERYTHING:

YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN.

I SEE.

AND AS A BONUS,

I'LL HANDLE CHARLOTTE

IF SHE BECOMES A PROBLEM.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT CHARLOTTE.

WE ALREADY HAVE AN AGREEMENT.

SHE WON'T BE A PROBLEM.

WHAT'D SHE GET?

MONEY TO MOVE:

TO NEW YORK:

AND A PROMISE FROM ME

TO WRITE A GLOWING REVIEW

OF HER NEXT BOOK,

WHATEVER IT IS.

THAT'S REASONABLE.

IS IT?

WOULD YOU EVEN KNOW

WHAT "REASONABLE" IS?

BRADY, THIS IS

GOING TO BE GOOD

FOR EVERYBODY.

YEAH...

IT'S BUSINESS.

MM.

OF COURSE,

I COULD TAKE:

THE WHISTLE-BLOWER

OUT MYSELF.

WHO, ME?

MM-HMM.

YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE,

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN

I WOULDN'T KILL YOU.

YOU'VE WRITTEN

SO MANY MYSTERIES.

YOU THINK YOU CAN

GET AWAY WITH MURDER?

YOU KNOW HOW FUNNY

PEOPLE GET ABOUT MONEY.

IT'S THE LEADING CAUSE

OF MURDER AND DIVORCE.

IT'S NOT IN YOUR NATURE.

AND IT WOULD RUIN

YOUR CAREER,

OR AT LEAST ANY CHANCE

AT A COMEBACK.

I WISH YOU'D

STOP SAYING THAT.

GOD!

YOU'RE EVERYTHING

A MIDWESTERNER FEARS

A NEW YORKER WILL BE.

( chuckling )

THANKS.

I'M GONNA...

I'M GONNA GO

GET CLEANED UP.

IT'LL GIVE ME SOME TIME

TO START WORKING ON AN ALIBI.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

I KNEW YOU'D AGREE.

AND... I'LL DRIVE.

YOU'RE IN NO SHAPE

TO GET BEHIND THE WHEEL.

I'LL BE DOWN IN 20.

DON'T WORRY

ABOUT ME.

TOO LATE FOR THAT.

HELLO?

BRADY?

HELLO?

EXCUSE ME?

AH! SH*T!

THAT WAS A '97 BRUNELLO.

I'M SORRY.

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

I DIDN'T KNOW

ANYONE WAS HERE.

YOU SCARED ME.

YOU HIS DATE:

FOR THE EVENING?

HE SAID WE WERE:

GOING OUT FOR DINNER.

YOU'RE NOT HIS DATE.

I'M HIS PUBLICIST.

WELL, LOOKS LIKE

MY EFFORTS HAVE BEEN WASTED.

NAH, YOU'RE NO WEARING ENOUGH MAKEUP

TO BE ONE OF HIS DATES.

HAVE YOU READ:

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