Shock Treatment

3

Once upon a time,

in a town not far from yours...

there lived a real fast guy.

His life was fast.

His friends were fast.

Even his food was fast.

But he was still not satisfied.

He wanted to share

his fast philosophy...

with someone else...

a beautiful girl.

The trouble was

she was in the arms of...

another man.

Good luck, honey.

- What are we gonna do, Janet?

- It's all right, Brad.

Everything's gonna be

all right.

You'll find happy hearts

And smiling faces

And tolerance for

The ethnic races

In Denton

You'll find a ramblin' rose

And a picket fence

Tenderness

And innocence

In Denton

You'll find

conference rooms

And a children's playground

Denton is a real okay town

Civic pride and civic duty

And Denton girls are

Full of beauty

You may call us

the goody-goody two shoes

We're here to cheer you

with the good news

That D-E-N-T-O-N

Gets T-E-N

That's ten out of ten

If you're looking

for a life of leisure

You're gonna get

a whole lot to please ya

Again and again

And again and again

And again

Denton, Denton

You've got no pretension

You're where the heart is

You're okay

Denton, Denton

I'd just like to mention

You're the home of youth

You're America's truth

You're Denton

Denton, U.S.A.

This is the mecca

of America

The Bethlehem of the West

This is the birthplace

of the virtuous

The home of happiness

Leisure-wise

we're sure you will adapt

Enjoy your stay

Have a happy holiday

And we'll all put Denton

Denton on the map

Denton, Denton

You've got no pretension

You're where the heart is

You're okay

Denton, Denton

I'd just like to mention

You're the home of youth

You're America's truth

You're Denton

Denton, U.S.A.

Denton, Denton

You've got no pretension

You're where the heart is

You're okay

Denton, Denton

I'd just like to mention

You're the acceptable face

Of the human race

You're Denton

Denton, U.S.A.

Well, how about that?

Wasn't that terrific?

And now for, well, certainly...

my favorite part of the show...

- and I sincerely hope yours at home.

- Get the whole crowd.

- Our regular in-depth discussion...

- Dressing room. Right here.

With Judge Oliver Wright...

Denton's leading

social scientist.

- Judge Wright?

- Mm-hmm.

Did you enjoy our anthem?

In a way.

I detect a note of reticence.

Are you perhaps

one of those amongst us...

who feel this emotive form of presentation

is overly manipulative?

Well, Betty,

there are many ways...

that the spider

may catch the fy.

There are monetary inducements.

- Hi, Brad. Hi, Janet. Come for Marriage Maze?

- Extortion.

Seduction.

I'm exhausted working on this documentary

for Farley's new show.

- Blackmail.

- Farley Flavors, our new sponsor.

- Oh.

- Whoo.

- Prejudice.

I tell you, Janet,

that guy's as close as we'll come...

to a successful man

in this town.

- And lies.

- Thank you, Judge Oliver Wright.

And now for a commercial break.

Okay, kids, let's hear

the five F's for today.

- "F" for-

- Farley!

- "F" for-

- Flavors!

- "F" for-

- Fabulous!

- "F" for-

- Fast!

- And "F" for-

- Five!

First and foremost...

Farley Flavors'

fabulous fast foods...

feed and fortify families

for a fabulous future.

Stand by for Marriage Maze.

Strike Denton Dossier.

Thank you so much, Judge Wright,

for another wonderful interview.

Judge Wright? Oh, come on, Betty.

First names surely.

Oh. Oliver. You're so tolerant.

Time for a coffee break

before you rush off?

I'd love to, that is if you don't mind

being seen with an older man.

Why, Oliver.

Since Ralph and I separated,

maturity is something I look for in a man.

- Hi, Ollie.

- Hi, Betty.

- Hi, Betty.

- Hello, Neely.

You keep up that

high standard of interview...

and I'm gonna have to include you

in Farley's documentary.

You're so probing.

A free thinker.

Everything's free there.

- Hi, Betty. The usual?

- Plus one.

There you go. Hi, Max. Hey, you gonna

be watching Marriage Maze?

- Sure am. This could be Bert Schnick's finest hour.

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- This could be a major step forward for him.

- Yeah, a leap in the dark.

I better go check on the Bert.

Otherwise...

- Right.

- Good luck.

- Okay.

And here to bring yourjust desserts...

and a recipe

for a perfect marriage...

is that gorgeous gourmet...

tossing the uproarious

salad of life...

Marriage Maze host,

Bert Schnick.

Three seconds.

- Hoopla, Denton!

- Hoopla, Bert!

Thank you. Welcome. Thank you.

Before we start I want to say one or two words

about tomorrow night's great new show...

The Faith Factory Sh...

And as a matter of fact,

we have in the studio audience tonight...

the host and his lovely cohost.

Give a big hand, please,

to Ralph Hapschatt...

and the vivacious

Macy Struthers.

Hey, Ralph!

Let's get a camera in there

for heaven's sake.

- Over the moon about that commercial, Macy.

- Thanks, Bert.

Got a good show lined up

for us tomorrow night, Ralph?

You bet, Bert!

Good! I'm gonna be there!

Ain't we all, viewers?

Macy Struthers with my husband.

God, I must've been blind.

Still, the weaker the man,

the dumber the blonde.

Isn't that Brad and Janet Majors

sitting in the audience there?

What an ideal couple they are.

You know more than anyone else in Denton,

they represent the old values.

Ike would have

been proud of them.

And now, would the first couple who seem

to have made a hash of their marriage...

and cooked their goose,

step this way, please!

- You!

- That's us, Brad.

Come on. What's cooking up there?

Come on down, you guys.

Let's feel you.

- I'm not going, Janet.

- You've got to. Everyone's watching.

Face the cameras.

Face the cameras.

Now introduce yourselves.

- My name is Brad-

- I am Janet-Oh. Sorry.

I'm Janet Majors,

and this is my husband Brad.

Hey, Brad, we've been hearing some

bad things about you. Haven't we, Janet?

- Haven't we, Janet?

- Yes, he needs help.

Help? Let's face it, Janet.

Brad's an emotional cripple.

I know, I know.

It looks like Rest Home for

this stupid old marriage, eh?

Tell me, Janet.

Do you watch Dentonvale?

Yes, I've caught it

once or twice.

That's right. DTV's

most popular hospital series...

featuring those perennial favorites,

Nation and Cosmo McKinley.

Neuro-specialists

par excellence.

I recommend, if you

pardon my French, Janet...

that you send Brad

to them for treatment.

Well, I know he's a little boring,

but neuro-specialists.

- That sounds a little drastic.

- It's no use pussyfooting around, Janet.

We have to cut quick and deep.

McKinley? McKinley?

- Bert brought them over from Europe.

- Oh?

They had a very popular series together.

It's still rerun in a lot of countries.

- You must have seen them in Dentonvale?

- No, I never watch that.

I'm afraid there's only one

solution. Isn't there, folks?

One, two, three.

Dentonvale!

Hoopla! Don't go away!

We'll be right back to see

if Brad and Janet want to play or pass.

Great.

Congratulations. I think

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