Shooting Fish Page #2

the birth of the sixth...

This computer stinks.

And it sucks.

I hate this computer.

Come on over here.

Can I introduce you

to my Johnson--

Uh, to Johnson?

- Nice tie.

- Thanks.

That's just a joke.

It can't really see.

Do you know how many words

this understands?

Take a guess.

Just take a guess.

Eighty-thousand

and forty-eight words.

Good grief.

And the infinity sign.

Can you do the nursery rhyme

"I'm A Little Teapot?"

No, I can't.

- Is that a real beard?

- Yeah, it is.

- It is?

- Yeah.

Here's my handle,

and here's my spout.

That's my handle here.

This is my spout.

All right.

When you lift me up,

you pour me out.

I'm leaving. I want my money.

What?

Look, I'm sorry.

But your advert.

"No job is too big,

too small, too difficult."

Give me that card a second.

Nope. Can't find

"No job too dodgy."

Hello.

Please, I'm begging you!

I don't mean to be rude,

but you're con men, aren't you?

Can I come in?

- In many ways--

- What?

- No!

- Pardon?

- No.

- What are you, then?

We're Nineties Robin Hoods.

It's just I was expecting to--

Where is your team?

It's probably much easier if you

just talk to me, isn't it?

Yes, of course it is.

Do you want to come in

and have a seat?

All the money's

going to the poor people.

Scout's honor.

It's all right. Get up.

Mrs. Ross,

do you know why you're here?

You're here to see technology

at its most advanced.

You're here to buy--

Mr. Wolford, cut the hard sell.

If the machine works,

I'll buy it.

I'll buy your company.

Absolutely, Mrs. Ross.

Do you want to stand and come

to this side of the table?

Where's your handle?

Here's my handle,

and here's my spout.

Spout.

Thank you, Ross.

Incredible.

What's the platform?

The, uh--the platform...

Our--our engineer is

due back from the factory...

just about now, actually,

so I'm gonna have you ask him.

If I could just see it.

This is Verbitec--otherwise

known as Mr. Pinkworth.

He's a little strange.

Mr. Pinkworth, Mrs. Ross

wanted to see the platform.

I've got to make a few calls.

Why don't you two talk?

So?

What's the platform,

Mr. Pinkworth?

What's the platform,

Mr. Pinkworth?

Unix.

Actually,

it's a beta version of Unix NT.

Advanced OS.

Can it make format view files?

Uh... yes. Yes, it can.

Mm-hmm.

Format View file--

Uh, what is this?

How do you spend the money?

Key, setup format view file.

DYLAN, AS COMPUTER:

I'd love to. Hold, please.

Oh, Jez.

Don't freeze up on me, Jez.

What do you spend it on?

Fast cars? Women?

- Do not--

- Sun beds?

Recognize format view file.

Searching data banks

for possible match.

Georgie, please,

you have to help me.

I am alphabetically illiterate.

I don't even know

why I'm looking at this.

- What do you spend it on?

- Orphans.

- Orphans?

- An orphans housing project.

You know, those poor people

without families?

Come on. Give it to me.

DYLAN, AS COMPUTER:

Closest match--view format file.

Match correct?

Amazing.

Can I have a look inside?

I'd be really interested

in the circuit layout.

Jez, bullshit her.

- What?

- What?

Bullshit her. You told me

the thing would work in theory.

It does work in theory.

What do you mean "in theory"?

In theory, it's always worked.

In theory, it's always worked.

But now it's here in practice.

But now it's here in practice.

Working.

Working.

Draw her a diagram.

Draw--

Let me just draw you a diagram.

There's a series of

Nan gates controlled by pin six.

It would be much easier

if I could just see it.

Dylan,

are you feeling all right?

I'm--I'm cool.

Jez has the problem

with pressure, not me.

I'm going to open it myself.

Oh, God!

Here.

Breathe into this steadily.

I've really got to go.

Please don't go. Please--

Please don't go.

Anyone own a red Audi?

License P304-RGF?

Yes, me.

It's about to get clamped.

Whoo!

That was amazing, Georgie.

Could I have my check now?

Have I asked you this before?

Have you done some modeling?

Yes, you have, actually.

Can you believe it back there?

We shot some fish.

- Fat fish.

- With money to burn.

It was like they wanted

to give us their cash.

When I said the CPU had a

built-in 64-bit AST converter...

she didn't even blink.

Wow. We are so close.

I know.

One more,

and I think we're there.

Good afternoon, sir.

I'd like to clear these checks

and close the Verbitec account.

I'm going to be back on Tuesday.

Could you have the money ready

for me then? In fifties?

In fifties?

Cash. Fifties.

Hi.

Um...

All right. 25 bucks.

No. 60.

All right, 30 quiddos now

and 30 more on Friday.

Payday.

This is quite normal

for secretarial work.

It's funny, but normal wasn't

a word that sprung to mind...

during the course

of my employment with you.

Maybe I should ask those

nice people at Verbitec...

if they thought it was normal.

That kind of attitude

is so uncharitable.

Did Live Aid mean nothing?

Get the computer! Come on!

Hey!

Hey! Hey!

What are you doing?!

My notes! My notes!

I don't believe this.

Oh, God.

They've ruined your typing.

And they've got my keys.

Don't worry about this.

We'll sort out the notes.

Why don't you come back with us,

make a call about your keys...

and we'll make you

a nice cup of tea?

And we'll make you

a nice cup of tea?

Who lives in a house like this?

Who lives in a house like this?

In number 69 there lives

a transvestite.

He's a man by day,

but he's a woman at night.

There's a man in number four...

Who swears he's Saddam Hussein.

Says he's on a chore

to start a third world war.

Oh, if you find the time...

Please come and stay a while...

In my beautiful neighborhood.

In 110, they haven't

paid the rent...

So there goes the TV

with the repo men.

In 999, they make

a living from crime...

Excuse the smell.

It's, um...

Gas?

That's right.

Do you have

your own peddle, then?

No. The water--

it's used in the gas.

We use it to seal in the gas.

Oh, God. It's amazing.

Thanks.

We sort of think of it

as post, uh, apocalyptic.

What the world...

- Tea or coffee?

- Coffee, thanks.

Love, sweet love.

It's the only thing...

That there's just too little of.

What the world needs now...

Is love, sweet love.

No, not just for some...

But for everyone.

Lord, we don't need

another mountain.

There are mountains

and hillsides...

Enough to climb.

There are oceans and rivers...

Do you want to sit down?

Thanks.

Enough to last...

Hi. DVLC?

Hi. I'm just calling to, um--

The Zimmer frame

is in the corner, honey.

Hi. Sorry about that.

I'm expecting the registration

documents for my van.

Yeah, it's A-T05-OF.

Hold the walker steady, darling.

There you go. That's great.

Sorry about that.

Can you tell me if you sent it

to my old or my new address?

Can you tell me if you sent it

to my old or my new address?

Yeah.

S.W. 19.

Yeah, that's right.

Thank you.

Is that the West End Theater?

Yes, you can. I want to talk

to the manager, please.

Non-dairy cream in your coffee?

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