Short and Curlies, The Page #2

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any day of the week.

- Mind you, I don't like a thin man.

- Well, he's thin.

Ooh, look, she loves him.

- What time are we having dinner?

- Five o'clock.

I think I might have had my cap

in upside down.

Don't matter, does it?

What do you mean?

I had the Durex on

the right way up.

- The Durex was for AIDS.

- I know.

- Was it all right?

- Yeah.

Yeah. It was good.

Only, I did feel

a little bit of discomfort.

Are you hot?

Better go soon.

Yeah, I'll have to get up.

Mum and Dad'll be back.

Here you are.

Well, she was a platinum blonde

and wasn't she lovely?

- She was quite overweight, though.

- Was she?

She photographed about two stone

lighter than she was.

She had a lovely bust, though.

Oh, I wouldn't say no to a bust like that.

And she could make you laugh.

- That was tragic, the way she died.

- Overdose, wasn't it?

Was it? She'd be about sixty now,

wouldn't she?

- Mind you, Joy, I liked the red.

- It didn't suit my personality.

But then again, it's not my hair,

you see.

Do you have trouble

with your periods, Joy?

I do, yes.

But it's particularly bad this time.

I don't know why.

Is it? A couple of aspirins and

a hot-water bottle normally helps.

- I can't take analgesics.

- Can't you?

- I've got a very sensitive stomach.

- Have you?

I've been feeling very depressed

all round.

- That's right.

- Listless.

Definitely not 100 per cent.

No?

Oh, hang on, Joy.

Here's a nice young man.

- Are those for me?

- I just come to see Joy.

- Oh, did you? Look, Joy.

- All right?

- What do you want?

- Knock, knock.

Who's there?

- Isobel.

- Isobel who?

Is the bell not working?

I've been ringing it for ages.

That makes me laugh. Oh, I want

to take him home with me, Joy.

And he's brought you

gorgeous flowers, look.

Oh, no, I'm doing a favour

for my boss.

Oh, are you?

My dad said he didn't know what

happiness was until he married my mum.

Then it was too late.

You've always got a joke, ain't you?

I wouldn't be joking

if I wasn't being serious.

- I'm not forcing you.

- Oh, look.

I'm going to marry

the most beautiful girl in the world.

I'll bring her round later,

you'd like her.

Why do you have to spoil everything?

Take no notice.

I don't know what to do now.

I should give you a ring or something.

So I'll phone you later.

Now listen.

Listen to this, this is good.

/I'll sing you a song, it isn't very

/long, in fact it ends right here

That's it. It just finishes.

I'll bring that front bit back,

that'll give you a bit of height

and I'll sweep the sides round

and put that Fergie bow in the back.

- Won't she look gorgeous, Charlene?

- Yeah.

Are you having a professional

photographer?

Oh, yes, yes. At the church

and at the reception afterwards,

when we cut the cake.

- Oh, lovely.

- I couldn't sleep at all last night.

I woke up and I couldn't eat anything

'cause I thought I was gonna be sick.

I vomited the morning I got married.

I was carrying Charlene at the time.

Don't perch, Charlene,

sit properly in the seat.

- I keep telling her, Joy.

- I'm all right.

I'll put some conditioner on that,

make it nice and shiny.

- I'm gonna go home.

- Do you want the back washed?

- Yes.

- I'll put plenty of mousse on.

That'll hold it nice and firm.

I'll leave this bow here then, Betty.

Yes, that'll be safer.

Right.

That's right, sit down.

I'll put the towel round you.

That's it, lovely.

- I'm getting a spot coming up.

- Oh, are you?

You want to get

Hide and Heal on that.

/I'll cover it up with make-up.

/You can't see it, can you?

/No, you can't see that, Joy. You

/won't see it on the photographs.

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