Short Circuit Page #3

Forward, forward.

Come forward.

That's good.

That's really good.

Don't be afraid, guys.

He's a friend.

These are animals.

They're lower life forms.

They're always a little skittish

around new people, aliens. Whatever.

Malfunction. Need input.

Input.

All right, right. You got it, OK.

This is a house.

We live within it, inside it.

- We have a floor, see...

- Floor.

And we have the opposite

of a floor...

which is the ceiling.

Look up!

Ceiling.

We have windows and...

air! Look over here.

Light.

Music.

And... look at this.

This is a plant.

See?

And these are goldfish.

Don't touch.

And look over there.

See, these are ants.

They're not aunts,

they're ants.

It's an ant farm.

Look! These are my bunnies.

Edwina and Norman.

Norman.

I bet you got some amazing

animals in your planet.

Good, there you go.

This is Earth, where

we are now.

You are here.

Here.

- Oregon.

- Oregon.

Home of the beaver,

famous for cherries.

Beavers.

Cherries. Input.

I'm giving you

great input.

More input.

More input.

How about pictures?

Do you like pictures?

We have a lot

of pictures here.

A lot of them.

This is a picture

of an aardvark.

See that? It's an aardvark.

- It's a mammal.

- Input. Aardvark.

- Abyssinia, Adams...

- Holy Crowl. You can read.

Input.

- More input.

- Okay, no problem.

Volume two.

No problem.

- My neck.

- Sorry.

This is very healthful

for the neck.

Can you believe it's been

I'd say ten.

It's all coming

back to me, though.

You know what many people

are liking at night?

- What?

- Headlights.

- It's a lot better. Thanks.

- Definitely, ya

More input, Stephanie.

- More!

- There isn't anymore.

You've read everything

in the house.

Animal.

Mammal, skunk.

That's a container

drinking glass.

Pasta, semolina,

spaghetti.

Food, liquid,

spaghetti sauce.

Look, this may be hilarious

where you come from...

but on this planet it's considered rude.

Plants, fruits, oranges...

apples, lemons, limes.

That's great.

Thanks a lot.

Fabric.

Tablecloth.

No, my dishes!

Oh, my God!

Breakfast table.

American contemporary.

Oh! My China!

- Numerous fragments.

- Ok, fine...

Some large, some small.

Take a look at this.

Look at that.

Welcome aboard.

- See that?

- Input.

Right.

Input, input.

Good.

Ok, here. You hold this.

That's very good.

And stay.

Stay.

At Alaskan Airlines...

our people go out of their way

just to show you they're human.

With your permission...

I know no one's gonna

believe me...

and I'd like them to know

I'm not crazy, so look up!

Input.

This is a barrel of monkeys.

Let us scrape up

some female chicks.

Don't we have to find

a robot?

Pardon me for saying so,

but you're becoming a drag strip.

Girls are not my best suits.

Besides, we got a job to do.

As we're fond of saying

in my country...

"marketplace make dull

home for rodents."

- Where are you from, anyway?

- Bakersfield, originally.

- No, I mean your ancestors.

- Oh, them.

Pittsburgh.

It's the Colgate pump

with MFP fluoride.

The Maximum

Fluoride Protection.

It's a lie.

I didn't do it.

I wouldn't try anything

on you, Tony. We're pals.

Sure we're pals.

No, I didn't do it.

You got me wrong.

I brought you out here.

I work with you.

You're the last guy in the world

I'd try to cross, you know that.

You wouldn't do anything to me.

Give me a chance.

You can have anything I got.

Anything.

Have you been watching

all night?

Come on.

Don't get up.

I can take care of this.

Haven't you had enough

of this stuff?

You lose IQ points the longer you

watch. There've been actual studies.

Look, you're going to become

the 1st alien couch potato...

and I'm not kidding.

Give me that. Give me that thing.

...by eating Thomases

English Muffin...

- Have a heart!

- "Have a heart"...

"Don't cry, little girl",

"Smile your tears away"...

and dozens of other hits all

in this big two-record set.

Call now! Our operators

are standing by.

Are you tired

of bill piling up?

Simplify your life with

Accountant in a Can.

And if you act now,

we'll send along...

You didn't come a million miles

to do TV commercials, did you?

- Duracell...

- Of course you didn't.

Come on. There's something

I wanna show you outside.

Bird. Raven.

Never more.

Now look.

Look.

Look.

No, no. There.

See?

Beautiful.

- Light bulb.

- No. Sun.

Beautiful.

No sun.

- Beautiful sun.

- Beautiful.

Rhinoceros, turtle...

Volkswagen.

You mean with that fat little

body, you can see those things.

Beautiful animal.

Mammal, canine, dog.

Mutt.

- Beasley.

- Beasley.

Beasley, stop it!

Beasley, down!

What are you doing?

Stop it!

Look out!

My God! What happened?

Are you all right?

Please, don't be hurt.

Are you okay?

Say something.

Beautiful Stephanie.

"S A I N T Prototype

number five...

Nova Robotics. Damon,

Washington". You're a robot?

- Yes.

- I thought you were alive number 5.

I let you tear my house

to shreds and you're a robot!

You're a machine from that dumb

war lab place. I'm so stupid.

Stupid:
Foolish, gullible,

doltish...

- dumbbell.

- Shut up!

Shut up:
Silence, hush,

sit on it, can it.

Am I the jerk of the world?

You're just programmed.

Jerk of the world, turkey,

idiot, pain in the ass.

I hope you're programmed

to pay for the mess you made.

What if there's a reward

out for that thing?

I could take care of as many

animals as I want.

Hello.

I'd like to speak to one of your

head Warmongers, please.

Dr. Warmonger, Marner.

I think this may be something.

- Hello.

- Hello.

I'd like you to know

I have one of your robots.

God!

Good.

Yes.

Listen...

thank you very much

for calling.

Our people are

on their way.

Mount up!

We've got it!

Move! Move! Move!

Today, gentleman, today!

Let's go!

We gotta run away!

Let's go, let's go.

In the meantime,

it's very important...

that you try to keep

a safe distance.

How safe a distance?

Well, see, it's malfunctioning.

We have to disassemble

it and check it out.

It's goofy little gadget.

Try to keep everyone as far away

from it as possible, okay?

Not that it's dangerous

or anything like that.

How much is a contraption

like that worth, anyway?

Worth? I don' know.

A few hundred dollars maybe.

No reward or anything

like that for finding it, is there?

Well, we do have a daily tour

of our facilities here.

You know, I might even be able

to get you a student discount.

- Hey! It's gone!

- Gone?

Wooly mammals.

Sheep.

Sweaters, mittens.

Never mind, I see it. Go back

to your nuclear warheads.

Hey, you, Number Five,

What are you doing?

You're gonna scare

my animals, bozo.

Listen, I just called Nova and

they are coming out to get you.

- They'll give you a tune up.

- Tune-up? Input.

They'll take you apart,

find out which screw is loose.

Apart:
Undone, dismantle,

dissect, disassemble.

Right.

Jump!

- Look, it's a grasshopper.

- Grasshopper, Orthoptarous insect.

Jump.

That's great.

Okay.

All right, let's go back now.

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