Shovel Buddies Page #2

Yeah, well, f*** Sammy.

We're already going out

of our way...

Do it, p*ssy.

Hey. Are we gonna

do this or what?

- You're staying.

- I want to go.

- It's too dangerous.

- If you leave him here,

he's gonna blow our cover again.

- You're gonna get in our way.

- I promise I won't.

You're not coming.

Just let him come.

Just get in the back.

Go.

Why do I have a feeling that

this is gonna be f***ing epic?

You piece of sh*t!

Sorry, man, I'm new at this.

We'll be out late.

Will your parents mind?

I make my own rules, b*tch.

I was gonna eat that.

It's time.

Wake the f***ing

neighborhood while you're at it.

So how do we do it?

She threw me her sheets.

Are you f***ing serious?

It worked.

I bet you only

got through missionary

before you blew your load.

Shut up and give me boost.

Come on.

Pull yourself up.

Sh*t!

Usually I like to be

the one on top.

I have an idea.

It's f***ing stuck.

You jammed it earlier.

Suck my dick.

Where are you going?

Well, we'll fit now.

Motherfuck.

It has to be here.

Just be careful.

You broke the f***ing window?

No, it was like that

when we found it.

Honestly, what do you

have against texting me?

I could've just opened

the front door.

We're just looking

for the Jersey.

Someone else already has it.

Of course.

Do you know who?

Get off!

Touchy.

So what, you're just gonna

put him in the Jersey?

It'll be really quick.

We'll put it on him

before anybody notices.

Come on, Jimmy. This b*tch

doesn't have anything for us.

- We need to bail. -Don't

call her a b*tch, a**hole.

I told you we should've

snagged someone else's Jersey.

What's the f***ing

point of that?

Figured some

a**hole's gonna take it.

Guess I was right.

Give it.

F*** off.

We need the Jersey.

You're... you're

asking me to give up

the last piece

of my dead brother?

I'm not asking you

to give up anything.

Sammy is.

He didn't leave me

anything else.

He left us a mission,

what he wants us to do together.

That's why I'm here.

That's why Dan's here.

So let's go.

I... I don't know if I can...

- We got to have the Jersey.

- Come on, take it off, baby.

Okay, turn around.

Okay.

You know, I was fine

with you in your bra.

Sh*t.

Come on. Come on.

We're doing the right thing.

Sh*t.

- Quick in and out.

- Yeah, my specialty.

The lights are on.

Somebody's inside.

Hey, relax, champ.

Give me a boost.

I don't see anyone.

All right, well, this

is a waste of f***ing time.

Jesus Christ.

- Yeah, that hurt.

- Okay, so what's the plan?

We're gonna

have to break a window.

Lump, what are you doing?

Holy sh*t.

You're still a p*ssy to me.

Yeah, he's dead.

Not the rack I wanted

to see tonight.

Jimmy.

Ready?

Wait.

I came to slip a Jersey

on my best friend,

not to see his penis.

Grow up.

He's f***ing naked.

He's f***ing naked.

They're cremating

our friend in the nude?

That's harsh.

If you have such

a problem with it,

why don't you

give him your pants?

I'm six inches taller

than Sammy, all right?

He's gonna look like

a f***ing clown in heaven.

Give him lump's pants.

He looks dead-kid sized.

He'll wear mine.

We shouldn't have

seen him like this.

No one should.

So much for everyone wanting

to remember him alive.

You know, we should take

a picture for his Facebook.

F*** off.

It's a f***ing idea, Kate.

Lump, give me the Jersey.

Here you go.

Try slipping it over his head.

It'd be easier

with him standing.

- This is too f***ing weird.

- Just help me out.

Lift him up.

Get his legs.

One, two, three.

- Get him up.

- Yeah.

Put his arms up.

All right, let's go.

We're f***ing going.

Hide. Come on. Come on.

We got your message.

Still not talking to me?

We have to get him out of here.

Give me a hand?

Whoa. What the f***

are you guys doing?

Sammy didn't

want to be cremated.

- Are you serious?

- They just burned the coffin.

They think he's in there.

This is our chance.

No. No, this isn't

supposed to happen.

Sammy wasn't supposed

to die, Kate.

The least we can do

is give him one last wish,

one last shot to give him

what he wanted.

Sammy was my best friend.

- Our best friend.

- We can't let him down, okay?

Especially after he found out

you were f***ing Jimmy.

What?

Sammy knew?

Yes, Kate.

Your bedroom

was right next door.

"Oh, Jimmy."

Subtle.

He never s-said anything.

No wonder he didn't

write you into the will.

Never talk to her

like that again.

Why the f*** are you mad at me?

Maybe if you weren't too busy

putting your dick in your dead

best friend's sister,

none of this would be happening.

Goddamn it!

This is f***ing crazy.

We can't do this.

We have to. We screwed up.

We can fix it.

We can make this right, Kate.

We got to make this right.

He won't fit back there.

It's full of my dad's sh*t.

Fine. F*** it.

Put him in the backseat then.

No, no, no. No. What?

No, guys, I sit back there.

- And?

- Shut the f*** up, Kate.

Stop being such a p*ssy.

No.

Hey, guys, there's no way

I'm sitting back here.

There is no f***ing way

I'm sitting back here.

Then we're leaving you.

F***. Watch out.

F*** you guys, all right?

F*** you guys so much.

I don't know who they are, but...

Well, I'd really appreciate it

if you would look out for them.

- No problem.

- Yeah, we can do that.

- Thank you.

- Sure.

Officer Hughes.

So what do you got?

What are we...

Your brother wanted to be

buried, and we'll need shovels.

Is there a way in?

We're on a roll

with the windows.

Step aside.

Gonna need a bigger block.

Holy sh*t.

I feel like

a f***ing action movie star.

All units, we have reports of

a 459 at Parktown hardware.

Witnesses say kids responsible.

Two shovels, a pickax,

it's hard to tell what else.

And you got no security camera?

We can barely afford

the alarm system.

Who saw the kids?

She did.

Kind of looks like

he's sleeping.

So peaceful.

Sucks we couldn't

keep him around, you know,

like, stuff him,

trade him every weekend.

Should we say something?

Sammy was alive.

Now Sammy is dead.

We took his body,

and now we're gonna bury it

on the side of a hill.

Thank you, captain obvious.

Um...

How about, uh,

"life's not fair?"

Forget it.

Six feet down?

F***.

We didn't think this through.

I said this was a bad idea.

You guys are f***ing idiots.

We got him in the Jersey.

That was supposed

to be the hard part.

- We have to bury him.

- Jimmy, the ground's f***ed.

You couldn't just let him be?

There you go, Sammy.

Pick a place.

Where do you want to be

for the rest of your...

Whatever?

Why didn't he tell your parents

what he wanted?

Because Sammy knew

you were the only one

that would give him

anything he wanted.

He wanted him

to keep his hands off you,

but that really didn't do much.

Shut the f*** up.

I've done a pretty good job

of f***ing up so far.

Wow.

The skyline's

really beautiful at night.

It's a hell of a lot better

without that shithole

of a school.

All Sammy talked

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