Shrek Page #14

ROBIN HOOD:

I steal from the rich and give to the

needy.

MERRY MEN:

He takes a wee percentage,

ROBIN HOOD:

But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty

damsels, man, I'm good.

MERRY MEN:

What a guy, Monsieur Hood.

ROBIN HOOD:

Break it down. I like an honest fight

and a saucy little maid...

MERRY MEN:

What he's basically saying is he likes

to get...

ROBIN HOOD:

Paid. So...When an ogre in the bush

grabs a lady by the tush. That's bad.

MERRY MEN:

That's bad.

ROBIN HOOD:

When a beauty's with a beast it makes

me awfully mad.

MERRY MEN:

He's mad, he's really, really mad.

ROBIN HOOD:

I'll take my blade and ram it through

your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys

'cause I'm about to start...

There is a grunt as Fiona swings down from the tree limb and

knocks Robin Hood unconscious.

FIONA:

Man, that was annoying!

Shrek looks at her in admiration.

MERRY MAN:

Oh, you little- - (shoots an arrow at

Fiona but she ducks out of the way)

The arrow flies toward Donkey who jumps into Shrek's arms to

get out of the way. The arrow proceeds to just bounce off a tree.

Another fight sequence begins and Fiona gives a karate yell and

then proceeds to beat the crap out of the Merry Men. There is

a very interesting 'Matrix' moment here when Fiona pauses in

mid-air to fix her hair. Finally all of the Merry Men are down,

and Fiona begins walking away.

FIONA:

Uh, shall we?

SHREK:

Hold the phone. (drops Donkey and begins

walking after Fiona) Oh! Whoa, whoa,

whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come

from?

FIONA:

What?

SHREK:

That! Back there. That was amazing!

Where did you learn that?

FIONA:

Well...(laughs) when one lives alone,

uh, one has to learn these things in

case there's a...(gasps and points)

there's an arrow in your butt!

SHREK:

What? (turns and looks) Oh, would you

look at that? (he goes to pull it out

but flinches because it's tender)

FIONA:

Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so

sorry.

DONKEY:

(walking up) Why? What's wrong?

FIONA:

Shrek's hurt.

DONKEY:

Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no,

Shrek's gonna die.

SHREK:

Donkey, I'm okay.

DONKEY:

You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm

too young for you to die. Keep you legs

elevated. Turn your head and cough.

Does anyone know the Heimlich?

FIONA:

Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help

Shrek, run into the woods and find me

a blue flower with red thorns.

DONKEY:

Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on

it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die

Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay

away from the light!

SHREK & FIONA

Donkey!

DONKEY:

Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.

(runs off)

SHREK:

What are the flowers for?

FIONA:

(like it's obvious) For getting rid

of Donkey.

SHREK:

Ah.

FIONA:

Now you hold still, and I'll yank this

thing out. (gives the arrow a little

pull)

SHREK:

(jumps away) Ow! Hey! Easy with the

yankin'.

As they continue to talk Fiona keeps going after the arrow and

Shrek keeps dodging her hands.

FIONA:

I'm sorry, but it has to come out.

SHREK:

No, it's tender.

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