Shrek Forever After Page #5

Rumpelstiltskin:
Please, help! I’m stuck! Help! Oh, please, help! Someone, anyone! Help me! The pain!

Shrek rolled his eyes as he went over and used his strength to lift up the carriage.

Rumpelstiltskin:
(squints eyes) I can see a bright light. A tunnel! Grandma? Is that you?

Shrek:
(dryly) Yeah, it’s me, Granny.

Rumpelstiltskin:
(pretend alarm) An ogre!

He scooched back underneath in "fright".

Rumpelstiltskin:
Please, Mr. Ogre, please don’t eat me!

Shrek:
I’m not gonna eat you.

Rumpelstiltskin:
But you are an ogre…(peeks out) aren’t you?

Shrek:
Yeah, well, I… I used to be. Look, move out or get crushed.

The short man quickly crawled away from the carriage. Shrek then put the carriage back down on the ground and fixed the wheel.

Rumpelstiltskin:
So you’re not gonna eat me?

Shrek:
(walks away) No, thanks. I already had a big bowl of curly-toed weirdo for breakfast.

The former deal maker followed the ogre.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Wait up! What’s your rush? Where you going?

Shrek:
Nowhere.

Rumpelstiltskin:
(grins) What a coincidence! I was just heading that way myself. But, seriously, let me give you a ride. I insist. Come on. It’s the least I can do after all you’ve done for me.

The ogre sighed, rolling his eyes, but it seemed like he was giving in.

Rumpelstiltskin:
I got a hot rat cooking.

Shrek glanced back at the carriage, with Fifi at the reigns, honking a bit. After Rumpelstiltskin managed to lead the ogre to his carriage, the two went inside with the short man throwing off his hat and going to his table to prepare a drink, shaking it up in his bottle.

Rumpelstiltskin:
All right! Can I interest you in a mudslide? Slug and tonic? A liquid libation to ease that frustration?

He even made a fresh certain drink containing an eyeball.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Eyeball-tini?

Shrek peered into the carriage and at the drink, unsure, but he was giving in again.

Shrek:
Well, maybe just one.

A couple hours later, rain was pouring as Fifi was pulling the carriage through the forest. Inside, Shrek was telling a joke to Rumpelstiltskin, and the ogre has had more than just one Eyeball-tini.

Shrek:
So the centaur says, "That’s not the half I’m talking about."

The two chuckled a bit.

Rumpelstiltskin:
I gotta say, Shrek, I envy you. To live the life of an ogre…no worries, no responsibilities. (takes a sip of an eyeball-tini) You are free to pillage and terrorize as you please.

Shrek:
Free? (chuckles and rolls eyes) That’s a laugh.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Oh, yeah?

Shrek:
Sometimes I wish I had just one day to feel like a real ogre again.

He ate the eyeball off the toothpick.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Why didn’t you say so? (stands up in his chair) Magical transactions are my specialty! Come on!

He then grabbed all the empty glasses to put them away.

Shrek:
Great. Next to mimes, magicians are my favourite people.

The short man laughed sarcastically while climbing a ladder.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Hold on.

He started rummaging through his deal scrolls.

Rumpelstiltskin:
"King for a Month." "Knight for a Week." (finds one) Ah.

He then laid out one special contract onto the table, titled "Ogre for a Day".

Rumpelstiltskin:
"Ogre for a day".

The ogre was even more puzzled than ever. The short man then appeared right next to him.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Think about it, Shrek. To be feared and hated. You’ll be, like, "Roar!" And the villagers will be, like, (mimicking scared citizen) "Get away! It’s Shrek! I’m so scared of him!" It would be just like the good old days, when your swamp was your castle. When the world made sense.

Shrek:
All right, what’s the catch?

Rumpelstiltskin:
Catch? No. There’s no catch. No catchings, really. I mean, there’s something. A small thing. Nothing. A little thing.

Shrek:
All right, I knew it. So what do you want?

Rumpelstiltskin:
A day.

Shrek:
(doubtful) A day?

A little ding was heard.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Oh, rat’s done!

He put on some oven mitts, opened the stove and took out the cooked rat.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Well, to make the magic work, you gotta give something to get something. In this case, you gotta give a day to get a day. That’s all.

Shrek:
I can’t just pick up and leave my family.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Oh, but that’s the best part, Shrek! It’s a magical contract. No one will even know you’re gone, and by the time this day is up, (gives a smile) you are gonna feel like a changed ogre.

Shrek:
Still, I don’t know.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Pffft! Hey, no problem. Forget it, no big d. It doesn’t matter. Do you like white meat or dark meat?

The short man poured some sauce onto the rat with a soup ladel. Shrek looked thoughtful about this deal.

Shrek:
So what day would I have to give up?

As Rumpelstiltskin got out a knife and fork, he smirked secretly.

Rumpelstiltskin:
I don’t know, any day. A day from your past. (starts carving the rat) A day you had the flu? A day you lost a pet?

Then he got angry, recalling the day Shrek put him out of business, as he started carving faster.

Rumpelstiltskin:
(bitterly/faster) A day some meddling oaf stuck his nose where it didn’t belong destroying your business and ruining your life?!

Of course, he was carving so fast that he ended up cutting through the rat and the plate, breaking it. Shrek looked at him a bit strangely but Rumpelstiltskin quickly realized his behavior as he hastily began to bring back his composure.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Just for an example.

He placed the plate with the lower half of the rat on the table.

Shrek:
How about the day I met Donkey? (smirks) Now, there’s a day I’d like to take back.

He laughed, and the short man forced a laugh.

Rumpelstiltskin:
I don’t know who that is. (gets an idea) I know. What about a day you wouldn’t even remember? Like a day when you were a baby.

He began to rock his arms back and forth like rocking a baby to sleep, but figuratively.

Rumpelstiltskin:
An innocent, mindless little baby.

Shrek, who was half-way done eating his half of the rat, spoke.

Shrek:
Take any of those days you want. Take them all for all I care.

He chucked the rest of his half into his mouth, while Rumpelstiltskin glared.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Oh, just one will do.

He then got out the ink jar and feather pen, dabbed the said pen into said jar, with a small magic spark appearing.

Rumpelstiltskin:
OK, good. A day from your childhood it is.

Shrek:
I guess there’s nothing wrong with wanting a little time for myself.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Just 24 tiny little hours.

Shrek:
I’m still my own ogre!

Rumpelstiltskin:
Yeah, you is!

Shrek:
I never needed to ask for anyone’s permission before.

Rumpelstiltskin:
(pushes the contract towards him) So why start now?

Shrek looked down at the contract for a moment, and then looked back up at the deal maker, who handed the quill to the ogre.

Rumpelstiltskin:
Go on, Shrek. Sign it!

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