Shrek the Halls
- TV-PG
- Year:
- 2007
- 21 min
- 8,197 Views
- Occupied!
- It's me. Shrek?
- Yes?
- Come back to the party. Please?
I don't think
that'd be such a good idea.
Come on. It's not that bad.
OK, I know you're
not a party person, but...
But what? This is not the
kind of Christmas I had in mind.
They're our friends, Shrek.
They all mean well.
- How many babies did Fiona have?
- She has babies?
- I don't know.
- I better get back to the house.
Surprised we have
a house to go back to.
- Are you coming?
- I can hardly wait.
Finally!
Look at him go!
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Excuse you for what?
I don't feel very good.
- I feel better now.
- A chocolate chip!
Sweetheart?
Mind if I cut in?
Don't stop believing
Up and down the boulevard
I am a little Christmas angel!
Hey there, my sweeties.
Would you like Daddy
Yeah?
The children were nestled
all snug in their beds,
- while visions of sugarplums...
- Were you tellin' 'em
That's the best Christmas story ever!
- I'm the best teller ever!
- Donkey...
I got it committed
to memorization!
- Gather round!
- Donkey! Wait!
I'm supposed to tell
the Christmas story.
'Twas the night before Christmas
and I spent all the day
Finishin' up on my Christmas display
Now, missin' all this
would be nothin' but tragic
So just follow me
and I'll show you the magic
Now, out in the yard
in a glorious clutter
make your heart flutter
With 20-foot cheese balls
and a big eggnog fountain
And yodelin' elves
on an ambrosia mountain
jump, leap and prance
And honor the day
through interpretive dance
But just when you think
the display is complete
The Christmas parade
comes right down the street
With holiday floats
all in silver and blue
With sugarplum fairies
and a reindeer or two
There's a baton-twirlin'
snowman all happy and perky
Magical peacocks
and a dancin' roast turkey
And right when you think
that you've just seen it all
Comes a huge waffle Santa
that's 50 feet tall
Ho, ho, ho!
With syrup and butter
the sight just amazes
As it's flanked by a choir
all singin' his praises
- Donkey.
- Santa?
- Donkey!
- Santa!
Donkey!
Very inappropriate, amigo.
Please, allow me.
- Oh, Puss, not you too.
- In my homeland,
we tell a very different tale
of the Santa Nicholas.
He's not made of waffles.
This Santa was suave
He was nothing like that
The Santa I know
was a hot Latin cat
He was dressed all in fur
from his head to his paws
A real Santa... Claws
Red are his boots
- And so is his cape
- Ol!
His sword is a cane
that tastes like crab cake
He wears a fine belt
and a leather cravat
And there's a cute fuzzy thing
which hangs down from his hat
I have shamed myself.
- Ol!
- All right, everybody,
if you leave now,
you can beat the holiday traffic.
Phooey with all your
sunshine and lollipops!
Where I come from,
Christmas is a nightmare.
'Twas the night before Christmas
and the prettiest sights
Were my sweetheart beside me
in the bright Christmas lights
...until they got home.
When they looked at the car door
handle, and they found a hook!
Gingy, cut it out! You're
really givin' me the creeps!
Oh, come on,
I was just teasin'.
Come here, you.
Gingy, I couldn't stay mad at you.
What was that?
Oh, no, you don't. I'm not
fallin' for that again.
No, I'm really, really
seriously not kidding.
Gingy!
Suzie!
No! No! No!
That's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.
- That's not how it goes.
- You weren't there!
All right, everyone,
I've had just about enough!
All I wanted was a nice
Christmas with my family.
That's exactly why we're all here!
Come on, let's finish tellin' my story.
No, Donkey, that's not what I meant.
And get out of my chair.
- Hey, what's this?
- Donkey, let go of the book.
- Why are you whisperin'?
- I'm not kiddin'. Give me the book!
- Heimlich!
- Ja?
- No, Heimlich!
- Oh, ja!
My eye!
Stop, drop and roll, Shrek!
- Somebody get some water!
- I got it!
Don't worry, Shrek,
everything is under control!
Oh, boy.
- The tea is ready.
- Out!
I want everybody out
Well, that's a real nice way
to treat your guests on Christmas!
And if you think I'm gonna give you
a present now, you are sadly mistaken!
You want to give me a present?
Then go away!
- That's all I wanted!
- Fine! I'm going!
Good, then go!
You go and have yourself
a merry Christmas.
- Ebenezer Shrek!
- And a "Bah, humbug" to you too!
- We could come to our house.
- We have plenty of schnitzel.
Now maybe we can...
Fiona? Where you going?
Shrek, you just kicked
everybody out on Christmas.
Well, that wasn't Christmas.
That was chaos!
Look, I know it didn't
go like you wanted.
What I wanted was a perfect
Christmas for me and my family.
- That was our family.
- You call that a family?
That was a natural disaster!
On Christmas, that's how it
works. Yes, it was crowded.
Yes, it got
a little out of hand.
- Fiona, they lit me on fire!
- Shrek...
I had everything under control until
they showed up and ruined my Christmas!
- Your Christmas?
- I mean our Christmas.
For you, and the babies.
Christmas is not just about
you or me. Or even the babies.
You just don't get it.
I have to go. I need to
apologize to our friends.
Fiona, wait.
I don't understand why
Shrek had to be so mean and cranky.
We were tryin' to do what you wanted!
- What're you talking about?
- What you said this morning.
have a big, noisy family Christmas.
I said it was our first
Christmas together as a family.
Right. That's me and everybody else.
Then he lost his temper like that.
You know, Donkey, none of us
really asked Shrek what he wanted.
I must agree with the Princess.
And you, were no Christmas angel.
- I don't remember askin' you anything!
- Donkey.
I'm sorry, Princess. You're right.
- Still, Shrek didn't have to be so...
- What?
Pigheaded? Stubborn? Mean?
Well, maybe I am all those
things, but I'm an ogre, OK?
So here's the thing.
I'm sorry you took getting kicked out
No, wait. What I meant to say is
I know you're just trying to be
helpful in your irritating fashion...
- Ay, caramba!
- Some people can't help being annoying.
- Shrek!
- Look,
I shouldn't have lost my temper.
- Apology accepted. Let's eat.
- Wait a minute.
There's somethin' more to this.
Come on, what's goin' on?
Look, all I wanted was to make
this perfect for my family,
but I don't even know
what Christmas means.
The thing is,
this is my first Christmas too.
Hold up, Shrek! You mean
that you never had...
- No.
- Not even one?
- No!
- You mean no chestnuts,
no Santa, no presents,
no stockings?
- No nut cakes?!
- Donkey!
No, none of that.
Ogres don't celebrate Christmas.
Ogres don't celebrate anything.
Oh, man, now I'm all emotional.
- Come here, gimme a hug!
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"Shrek the Halls" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 13 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/shrek_the_halls_18073>.
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