Shrek the Halls

- Occupied!

- It's me. Shrek?

- Yes?

- Come back to the party. Please?

I don't think

that'd be such a good idea.

Come on. It's not that bad.

OK, I know you're

not a party person, but...

But what? This is not the

kind of Christmas I had in mind.

They're our friends, Shrek.

They all mean well.

- How many babies did Fiona have?

- She has babies?

- I don't know.

- I better get back to the house.

Surprised we have

a house to go back to.

- Are you coming?

- I can hardly wait.

Finally!

Look at him go!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Excuse you for what?

I don't feel very good.

- I feel better now.

- A chocolate chip!

Sweetheart?

Mind if I cut in?

Don't stop believing

Up and down the boulevard

I am a little Christmas angel!

Hey there, my sweeties.

Would you like Daddy

to finish the story for you?

Yeah?

The children were nestled

all snug in their beds,

- while visions of sugarplums...

- Were you tellin' 'em

The Night Before Christmas?

That's the best Christmas story ever!

- I'm the best teller ever!

- Donkey...

I got it committed

to memorization!

- Gather round!

- Donkey! Wait!

I'm supposed to tell

the Christmas story.

'Twas the night before Christmas

and I spent all the day

Finishin' up on my Christmas display

Now, missin' all this

would be nothin' but tragic

So just follow me

and I'll show you the magic

Now, out in the yard

in a glorious clutter

Is a spectacle there that'll

make your heart flutter

With 20-foot cheese balls

and a big eggnog fountain

And yodelin' elves

on an ambrosia mountain

A stage where acrobats

jump, leap and prance

And honor the day

through interpretive dance

But just when you think

the display is complete

The Christmas parade

comes right down the street

With holiday floats

all in silver and blue

With sugarplum fairies

and a reindeer or two

There's a baton-twirlin'

snowman all happy and perky

Magical peacocks

and a dancin' roast turkey

And right when you think

that you've just seen it all

Comes a huge waffle Santa

that's 50 feet tall

Ho, ho, ho!

With syrup and butter

the sight just amazes

As it's flanked by a choir

all singin' his praises

- Donkey.

- Santa?

- Donkey!

- Santa!

Donkey!

Very inappropriate, amigo.

Please, allow me.

- Oh, Puss, not you too.

- In my homeland,

we tell a very different tale

of the Santa Nicholas.

He's not made of waffles.

This Santa was suave

He was nothing like that

The Santa I know

was a hot Latin cat

He was dressed all in fur

from his head to his paws

And he stood there heroic

A real Santa... Claws

Red are his boots

- And so is his cape

- Ol!

His sword is a cane

that tastes like crab cake

He wears a fine belt

and a leather cravat

And there's a cute fuzzy thing

which hangs down from his hat

I have shamed myself.

- Ol!

- All right, everybody,

if you leave now,

you can beat the holiday traffic.

Phooey with all your

sunshine and lollipops!

Where I come from,

Christmas is a nightmare.

'Twas the night before Christmas

and the prettiest sights

Were my sweetheart beside me

in the bright Christmas lights

...until they got home.

When they looked at the car door

handle, and they found a hook!

Gingy, cut it out! You're

really givin' me the creeps!

Oh, come on,

I was just teasin'.

Come here, you.

Gingy, I couldn't stay mad at you.

What was that?

Oh, no, you don't. I'm not

fallin' for that again.

No, I'm really, really

seriously not kidding.

Gingy!

Suzie!

No! No! No!

That's the most ridiculous

thing I've ever heard.

- That's not how it goes.

- You weren't there!

All right, everyone,

I've had just about enough!

All I wanted was a nice

Christmas with my family.

That's exactly why we're all here!

Come on, let's finish tellin' my story.

No, Donkey, that's not what I meant.

And get out of my chair.

- Hey, what's this?

- Donkey, let go of the book.

- Why are you whisperin'?

- I'm not kiddin'. Give me the book!

- Heimlich!

- Ja?

- No, Heimlich!

- Oh, ja!

My eye!

Stop, drop and roll, Shrek!

- Somebody get some water!

- I got it!

Don't worry, Shrek,

everything is under control!

Oh, boy.

- The tea is ready.

- Out!

I want everybody out

of my house right now!

Well, that's a real nice way

to treat your guests on Christmas!

And if you think I'm gonna give you

a present now, you are sadly mistaken!

You want to give me a present?

Then go away!

- That's all I wanted!

- Fine! I'm going!

Good, then go!

You go and have yourself

a merry Christmas.

- Ebenezer Shrek!

- And a "Bah, humbug" to you too!

- We could come to our house.

- We have plenty of schnitzel.

Now maybe we can...

Fiona? Where you going?

Shrek, you just kicked

everybody out on Christmas.

Well, that wasn't Christmas.

That was chaos!

Look, I know it didn't

go like you wanted.

What I wanted was a perfect

Christmas for me and my family.

- That was our family.

- You call that a family?

That was a natural disaster!

On Christmas, that's how it

works. Yes, it was crowded.

Yes, it got

a little out of hand.

- Fiona, they lit me on fire!

- Shrek...

I had everything under control until

they showed up and ruined my Christmas!

- Your Christmas?

- I mean our Christmas.

For you, and the babies.

Christmas is not just about

you or me. Or even the babies.

You just don't get it.

I have to go. I need to

apologize to our friends.

Fiona, wait.

I don't understand why

Shrek had to be so mean and cranky.

We were tryin' to do what you wanted!

- What're you talking about?

- What you said this morning.

You and Shrek wanted to

have a big, noisy family Christmas.

I said it was our first

Christmas together as a family.

Right. That's me and everybody else.

Then he lost his temper like that.

You know, Donkey, none of us

really asked Shrek what he wanted.

I must agree with the Princess.

And you, were no Christmas angel.

- I don't remember askin' you anything!

- Donkey.

I'm sorry, Princess. You're right.

- Still, Shrek didn't have to be so...

- What?

Pigheaded? Stubborn? Mean?

Well, maybe I am all those

things, but I'm an ogre, OK?

So here's the thing.

I'm sorry you took getting kicked out

of my house the wrong way.

No, wait. What I meant to say is

I know you're just trying to be

helpful in your irritating fashion...

- Ay, caramba!

- Some people can't help being annoying.

- Shrek!

- Look,

I shouldn't have lost my temper.

- Apology accepted. Let's eat.

- Wait a minute.

There's somethin' more to this.

Come on, what's goin' on?

Look, all I wanted was to make

this perfect for my family,

but I don't even know

what Christmas means.

The thing is,

this is my first Christmas too.

Hold up, Shrek! You mean

that you never had...

- No.

- Not even one?

- No!

- You mean no chestnuts,

no Santa, no presents,

no stockings?

- No nut cakes?!

- Donkey!

No, none of that.

Ogres don't celebrate Christmas.

Ogres don't celebrate anything.

Oh, man, now I'm all emotional.

- Come here, gimme a hug!

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