Shrek the Third

Onward, Chauncey!

To the highest room

of the tallest tower...

...where my princess awaits rescue

from her handsome Prince Charming!

This is worse than "Love Letters".

I hate dinner theater!

Me, too.

Whoa there, Chauncey!

Hark! The brave Prince Charming

approacheth.

Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay

the monster that guards you...

...then take my place as rightful king.

What did she say?

It's Shrek!

Whoo, Shrek, yeah!

Prepare, foul beast...

...to enter into a world of pain

with which you are not familiar!

Happy birthday to thee

Happy birthday to thee

Do you mind?

Do you mind? Boring!

Prepare, foul beast...

Someday you'll be sorry.

We already are!

Mommy...

You're right. I can't let this happen.

I can't!

I am the rightful King of Far Far Away.

And I promise you this, Mother...

...I will restore dignity to my throne.

And this time,

no one will stand in my way.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Morning breath.

I know. Isn't it wonderful?

Good morning, good morning

The sun is shining through

Good morning, good morning

To you

And you!

And you!

They grow up so fast.

Not fast enough.

You'll be filling in

for the King and Queen.

Several functions

require your attendance, sir.

Great! Let's get started.

Come on, lazybones. Time to get moving!

You need to get a pair ofjammies.

I got some sleep and I needed it

Not a lot, just a little bit

Someone's always

trying to keep me from it

It's a crying shame

It's a royal pain in the neck

I knight thee.

If you're filling in for a king,

you should look like one.

Can somebody come in

and work on Shrek?

I will see what I can do.

Yeah, wow.

Is this really necessary?

Quite necessary, Fiona.

- I'm Shrek, you twit.

- Whatever.

This isn't a rehearsal, peoples.

Let's see some hustle!

Smiles, everyone! Smiles!

I don't know how much longer

I can keep this up.

I'm sorry, but can you

just try to grin and bear it?

It's just until Dad gets better.

Shrek?

You look handsome.

Come here, you.

My butt is itching up a storm and

I can't reach it in this monkey suit.

Hey, you! Come here. What's your name?

Fiddlesworth, sir.

Perfect.

Ladies and gentlemen...

...Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek!

Ahh! You've got it.

A little to the left.

That's it! That's good.

Oh, yeah! Scratch

that thing! You're on it.

Shrek!

My eye!

What are you doing?

Fiona!

- Are you okay?

- Yeah. I'm fine.

Shrimp! My favorite!

- That's it! We're leaving!

- Calm down.

Calm down? Who do you think

we're kidding? I am an ogre.

I'm not cut out for this, Fiona,

and I never will be.

I think that went well.

Donkey!

Come on, Shrek!

Some people just don't

understand boundaries.

Just think. A couple more days

and we'll be back home...

...in our vermin-filled shack

strewn with fungus...

...and filled with the stench

of mud and neglect.

You had me at "vermin-filled".

And, um... maybe even the pitter-patter

of little feet on the floor.

That's right, the swamp rats

will be spawning.

Uh, no.

What I'm thinking of is a little bigger

than a swamp rat.

Donkey?

No, Shrek. What if, theoretically...

...they were little ogre feet?

Honey, let's be rational about this.

Have you seen a baby lately?

They just eat and poop, and they cry...

...then they cry when they poop

and poop when they cry.

Now, imagine an ogre baby.

They extra-cry and they extra-poop.

Shrek, don't you ever think

about having a family?

Right now, you're my family.

Well, somebody better be dying.

I'm dying.

Harold?

Don't forget

to pay the gardener, Lillian.

Of course, darling.

Fiona.

Yes, Daddy?

I know I made many mistakes with you.

It's okay.

But your love for Shrek has...

...taught me so much.

My dear boy...

...I am proud to call you my son.

And I'm proud to call you my frog...

...King dad-in-law.

Now there is a matter

of business to attend to.

The Frog King... is dead.

Put your hat back on, fool.

Shrek...

...please come hither.

Yeah, Dad?

This kingdom needs a new king.

You and Fiona

are next in line for the throne.

Oh!

Next in line. You see, Dad,

that's why people love you.

Even on your deathbed,

you're still making jokes.

Oh, come on, Dad. An ogre as king?

I don't think that's such a good idea.

There's gotta be somebody else.

Anybody!

Aside from you, there is

only one remaining heir.

Really? Who is he, Dad?

His name is...

...is...

What's his name? What's his name?

...is...

Daddy!

His name is Arthur.

Arthur?

I know you'll do...

...what's right.

Harold?

Dad? Dad!

Dad?

Do your thing, man.

When you were young and your heart

Was an open book

You used to say live and let live

You know you did, you know you did

You know you did

But if this ever changing world

In which we live in

Makes you give in and cry

Say live and let die

Live and let die

Hey, lady

You, lady

Cursing at your life

You're a discontented mother

And a regimented wife

What does a prince

have to do to get a drink here?

Ah, Mabel!

Why they call you an ugly stepsister,

I'll never know.

Where's Doris? Taking the night off?

She's not welcome here,

and neither are you.

What do you want, Charming?

Not much. Just a chance at redemption.

And a Fuzzy Navel.

And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends!

We're not your friends.

You don't belong here.

You're absolutely right,

but, I mean, do any of us?

Do a number on his face.

Wait, wait, wait!

We are more alike than you think.

Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs

saved Snow White, and what happened?

Oh, what's it to you?

They left you the unfairest of them all.

Now here you are,

hustling pool to get your next meal.

How does that feel?

Pretty unfair.

And you!

Your star puppet abandons the show

to go and find his father.

I hate that little wooden puppet.

And Hook.

Need I say more?

- And you, Frumpypigskin!

- Rumpelstiltskin.

Where's that firstborn

you were promised?

Mabel. Remember how you

couldn't get your little fat foot...

...into that tiny glass slipper?

Cinderella is

in Far Far Away right now...

...eating bonbons, cavorting with

every last fairy tale creature...

...that has ever done you wrong!

Once upon a time, someone decided

that we were the losers.

But there are

two sides to every story...

...and our side has not been told!

So who will join me? Who wants

to come out on top for once?

Who wants their...

..."happily ever after"?

This way, gents.

It's out of my hands, senorita. The

winds of fate have blown on my destiny.

But I will never forget you.

You are the love of my life.

As are you.

And, uh, you.

I don't know you, but I'd like to.

I got to go!

I don't wanna leave you either.

But you know how Shrek is.

The dude's lost without me.

But don't worry. I'll send you

airmail kisses every day!

Be strong, babies.

Coco, Peanut, listen to your mama.

Bananas, no roasting marshmallows

on your sister's head.

That's my special boy!

Come here, all of you!

Give your daddy a big hug!

Shrek?

Maybe you should just stay and be King.

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