Shrek the Third Page #2

Come on. There's no way

I could run a kingdom.

That's why your cousin Arthur

is a perfect choice.

It's not that. You see...

And if he gives me trouble,

I always have persuasion and reason.

Here's persuasion... and here's reason.

Fiona...

...soon it's just going to be you, me...

...and our swamp.

It's not going to be just you and me.

All aboard!

It will be. I promise.

I love you.

That's lovely.

Bye-bye, babies!

Shrek!

- Wait!

- What is it?

I'm... I'm...

I love you, too, honey!

No! I said I'm...

You're what?

I said I'm pregnant!

What was that?

You're going to be a father!

That's great!

Really? I'm glad you think so!

I love you!

Yeah!

Me, too! You!

I'm going to be an uncle!

I'm going to be an uncle!

And you, my friend, are royally...

Home.

Shrek!

Fiona!

Fiona?

Oh, no.

Better out than in, I always say.

No, no, no!

It's okay. It's gonna be all right.

Stop! Hey, wait!

Donkey. Donkey!

Wake up!

Dada!

Shrek! Are you okay?

I can't believe I'm going to be

a father. How did this happen?

Allow me to explain. When a man

has feelings for a woman...

...a powerful urge sweeps over him.

I know how it happened.

I just can't believe it.

How does it happen?

And the cat's in the cradle

and the silver spoon

Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon

When you coming home, son?

I don't know when

But we'll get together then, Dad.

Donkey! Can you just cut to the part

where you're supposed

to make me feel better?

You know I love Fiona, boss. Right?

What I am talking about

is you, me, my cousin's boat...

...an ice cold pitcher of mojitos

and two weeks of nothing but fishing.

Don't listen to him!

Having a baby

isn't going to ruin your life.

It's not my life I'm worried

about ruining, it's the kid's.

When have you ever heard the phrase

"as sweet as an ogre"...

...or "as nurturing as an ogre"...

...or "You'll love

my dad. He's a real ogre."

Okay. I get it.

It's not going to be easy.

But you got us to help you.

That's true.

I'm doomed.

You'll be fine.

You're finished.

Uh, with yourjourney.

"Wor-ces-ters-shiree"?

Now that sounds fancy!

It's Worcestershire.

Like the sauce?

It's spicy!

They must be expecting us.

What in the shista-shire

kind of place is this?

Well, my stomach aches and my palms

just got sweaty. Must be a high school.

High school?

Ready? Okay!

Wherefore art thou headed, to the top?

Yeah, we think so, we think so! And

dost thou thinkest thine can be stopped?

Nay, we thinkst not, we thinkst not!

All right, Mr. Percival,

ease up on the reins.

For lo, bro, don't burn

all my frankincense and myrrh.

I'm feeling nauseous from memories

of wedgies and swirlies!

How did you receive wedgies when you are

clearly not the wearer of underpants?

Let's just say some things

are better left unsaid.

So I was all like, "I'd rather get

the black plague than go out with you."

- Oh, totally.

- Pardon me.

- Totally ew-eth.

- Yeah, totally.

I just altered my character level

to +3 superb-ability.

Hi. We're looking for someone named...

Who rolled a +9 dork spell and

summoned the beast and his quadruped?

I know you're busy not fitting in, but

can you tell me where I can find Arthur?

He's over there.

There is no sweeter taste

on thy tongue than victory!

Strong, handsome, face of a leader.

Does Arthur look like a king or what?

Sorry.

Did you say you were looking for Arthur?

That information is

on a need-to-know basis.

It's top secret!

Now, gentlemen, let's away.

To the showers!

Greetings, Your Majesty.

This is your lucky day.

What are you supposed to be?

Some kind of giant mutant leprechaun

or something?

Giant mutant... You made a funny.

Unhand me, monster!

Stop squirming, Arthur.

I'm not Arthur.

I am Lancelot.

That dork over there is Arthur.

This is, like, totally embarrassing...

...but Tiffany thinkest

thou vex her so soothly.

She thought perchance thou would

ask her to the Homecoming Dance.

Excuse me?

Like, whatever. She's into college guys

and mythical creatures.

Oh, Arthur...

...come out, come out, wherever you are!

You better run,

you little punk no-goodniks!

The days of Donkey Dumpy Drawers

are over!

Hold it.

We're here for the mascot contest.

We're here for the mascot contest, too.

This is a costume?

Worked on it all night long.

Looks pretty real to me.

If he were real, could I do this?

Or this?

If it were real, that would have been

agonizingly painful.

- Now watch this!

- That's quite enough, boys.

Thank you to Professor Primbottom

and his lecture...

...on "just say nay".

And now, without further ado, let's give

a warm Worcestershire hoozah...

...to the winner

of our mascot contest, the...

...ogre?

That's right. I'm the new mascot.

So let's really try and beat

the other guys at...

...whatever it is they're doing!

This is all a bit unorthodox...

Where can I find Arthur Pendragon?

Hey, wait...

Classic.

You should be ashamed of yourself!

I didn't do it. They did.

Please don't eat me.

Eat him! Eat him! Eat him!

I'm not here to eat him!

Time to pack up

your toothbrush and jammies.

You're the new King of Far Far Away.

What?

Artie a king?

More like the Mayor of Loserville!

Burn.

Is this for real?

Absolutely. Clean out your locker, kid.

You have a kingdom to run.

So, wait... l'm really the only heir?

The one and only.

Give me a second.

My good people...

...there's a lesson here for all of us.

Next time you're about to dunk a kid's

head in a chamber pot, stop and think,

"Hey, maybe this guy has feelings.

Maybe I should cut him some slack.

'Cause maybe... just maybe...

...this guy's gonna turn out to be,

I don't know, a king?

Maybe his first royal decree will be to

banish everyone who ever picked on him."

I'm looking at you, jousting team!

And Guin? Oh, Guin.

I've always loved you.

Good friends, it breaks my heart, but...

...enjoy your stay here in prison

while I rule the free world!

Okay, let's not overdo it.

I'm building my city, people...

on rock 'n' roll!

You just overdid it.

Look at you!

You look darling.

Just precious. Look at her.

Any cravings since you got pregnant?

No. Not at all.

Do you smell ham?

It's present time!

Fiona, please open mine first.

It's the one in front.

"Congratulations on your new

mess mak..." Oh, mess maker!

"Hopefully this helps.

Love, Cinderella."

- Look at that!

- What is it?

It's for the poopies.

Wait... babies poop?

Everyone poops, Beauty.

Fiona!

We all chipped in

for a little present, too.

Ta-da!

You know the baby will love it,

because I do!

Guys, that's so sweet. Thank you.

Who's this one from?

I got you the biggest one,

because I love you most.

"Have one on me. Love, Snow White."

What is it?

He's a live-in babysitter.

Where's the baby?

You're too kind, Snow,

but I can't accept this.

It's nothing. I have six more at home.

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