Shrooms
Someone's got it bad.
No, l don't.
lt was just a summer thing.
So why are you travelling
lt's not to see him.
l'm here just like
the rest of you, you know,
see Ireland, do shrooms.
Tara, l've known you
all my life and l've never
even seen you take an aspirin.
People change.
When your dad hears
you've changed this much,
until you marry a
nice Catholic boy.
Yeah, well, maybe he can't
tell me what to do here.
You know, l've never
done shrooms before.
lt's not gonna f*** me up?
You can't f*** up
what's already f***ed.
Seriously, dude?
No, nobody's ever died
l mean, they're all natural.
Besides, just imagine
what steroids
have done to you.
Be nice.
Bet she doesn't even trim.
Lisa.
Shoot.
The element of surprise.
Where's martial arts training
there, Bruce Lee?
A momentary distraction
caused by sinful thoughts.
Mm-hm.
Mm.
l know what distraction.
Well, l got my ''hi-ya.''
Well, l got mine.
Death.
And coma. Pah!
Any sign of that vagabond
boyfriend of yours?
He's not my boyfriend.
Yet.
Are you sure you don't
mind us tagging along?
No. Jake and Troy
have been planning this forever.
So where is he, then?
Maybe his horse and cart
broke down.
Troy, you were in college too.
How many classes
do you remember him
being on time for?
One. That's chemistry.
Dude, you need your ride pimped.
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, what's up, brother?
Man, you made it.
It's good to see you.
lt's good to see you, dude.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi, Lisa.
Hey, honey.
So cad mle filte,
you Yankee junkie motherfuckers.
MAN:
The worst of the bad weather
has now passed.
So the story is
l promised you gringos
the trip of a lifetime.
A shroom trip has to be outdoors,
at one with nature, the right
environment with the right people.
Then the trip's real smooth.
No one has the same trip.
You know, some people
get spooked, some freak out.
So don't fight it.
You have to get into the trip
to get out of it.
So this is a ''f*** it''?
Yeah.
Well, in America
we have bongs.
Maybe so.
Do you have something
that's called a ''f*** it''?
What the f*** are you talking about?
l don't know, but, hey, f*** it.
Anyway, for our chosen mushrooms,
we'll be concentrating
on the liberty cap,
a.k.a. the magic mushroom,
which has been known
to give boundless energy,
visual hallucinations,
uncontrollable laughter
and profound wisdom.
Look at this.
We got Carlos Castaneda
sitting in the front seat.
Who?
How can you tell
they're the right ones?
Yeah.
They can be identified
by the little nipples on the caps.
a dick with balls, Bluto.
Wait. So how do we take them?
We brew the shrooms into a tea.
l don't drink tea.
This really looks like a wiener.
When in Rome...
Are you sure this is a good time
to go looking for mushrooms?
No better. We'll have
the whole park to ourselves.
Welcome to Ireland.
Do you guys have dogging
in America?
What's that?
Finally we get something
before you do.
What?
We've got
a notorious dogging scene up here.
Okay, what is it?
Well, couples go to remote country
areas and make out in their car
and people come and watch them.
And the couple
flashes the light
in the car three times.
That's the signal for the dogger
to come and join in.
He drops trou,
out comes the doodah.
They wind down the window,
he slips it in.
The girl gives him
a happy ending.
Cool.
That's vile.
We went
to convent school, remember?
l'm there.
l'm ioshing.
F***!
Yeah, f***.
That's blood.
Come on, let's get out.
Tara, it wasn't your fault.
Jesus.
Oh, my gosh.
No, l can't see any dents.
Did you see it?
Did you see it get out?
Wait. Shh.
What is it?
What is it?
It's a f***ing goat.
Be careful.
Oh, my God.
lt's still alive.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, the poor thing.
Maybe we should take it to a vet
and have it humanely destroyed.
F***!
What the f*** are you doing?
You are evil.
How would you like
that done to you?
You guys, at least
it's out of its misery.
What do they want?
That's their dinner.
Oh, my God.
What is this,
The IsIand of Dr. Moreau?
l think that's what we call
the indigenous people.
Cracker motherfuckers!
Shut up.
Shut the f*** up.
Jesus.
What?
Right, then, first things first.
Rule number one, no mobile phones.
Wait.
What?
Guys, we're about to trip.
On trips, you hallucinate.
When you hallucinate,
you call mum
Or you end up calling the police
or the ambulance, you know?
Look, in terms
of unnecessary embarrassment,
you don't want access to a phone.
Besides, it upsets nature.
Right.
Thank you.
l'm lost without my cell.
That's why we're here, mate.
Man, that's like
handing over my freedom.
You can be sheriff, then.
Good man.
Sh*t.
No tampons.
Wrong.
Thanks, Mom.
Don't worry,
l didn't forget about you. Candy.
The way of the tiger
perfects the sixth sense.
before it hits the ground.
Okay, l wasn't ready.
So, Holly, you and Troy?
What?
Don't you get freaked out
by all that tiger stuff?
No. No, it's different.
lt's part of his martial art.
Yeah. l need more.
Yee-ha. Mm.
Yeah, well
other thincode(01f5)s work
like that too.
Hey, nice girls need
to get laid too.
That's all l'm saying.
How does that feel?
Nice and tight.
And speaking of tight.
All right already with the guidebook.
Bluto, stop.
Jesus, Lisa.
Not here.
We're here to live life,
not to read about it.
When my mom left,
l was terrified
my dad was gonna send me
to a place like that.
l don't know.
These guys seem like a lot of fun.
He's ignoring me.
Tara.
l shouldn't have come.
You are here with Bluto,
Troy is here with Holly.
This is embarrassing.
We iust got here. Just chill out.
For once in your life, let go.
Just take some shrooms
and have fun.
Then we'll see
what happens with Jake.
You think?
l know.
Okay, l'm in.
Good. Here.
You find them in little clusters.
They can be identified
by the little nipples on their caps.
How do you know
so much about this stuff?
When l was first sent
to boarding school in England,
l used to get the sh*t kicked out of me
most nights.
But this kind of stuff, they think
you're cool and you get left alone.
F***. They must be in season.
Are they dangerous?
Yeah, like nuclear dangerous.
these are the dreaded
death's head fungi.
They only grow once
every several seasons.
But they look just like
the other ones.
Yeah, they're not.
So, what if we ate them?
Basically, your heart
explodes, along with
your lungs and kidneys.
What are the properties?
lf you live?
Yeah, if you live.
Well, according
they believed it was like
a portal to another dimension.
They gave the ability
to commune with the dead,
uncontrollable ferocity,
shape-shifting,
and last but not least, foresight.
The gift of premonition.
Let's go.
We'd better warn the others.
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"Shrooms" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 24 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/shrooms_18080>.
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