Shrooms Page #2

Bluto.

No. Bluto.

You've got a girlfriend

and l've got Troy, remember?

Come on, Holly.

Just having a little bit

of fun, okay? Lisa's being

all stingy with me.

No, it's not fun

to cheat on your girlfriend.

Yeah, it is.

Wait. What was that?

lt's nothing.

l don't like it here, okay?

Let's go find the others.

l was totally kidding.

l wouldn't hook up with you.

Tara!

What were you doing

far from the madding crowd?

Tara?

Tara?

Tara?

Tara, Tara, look at me, Tara.

F***ing hell. Tara!

Calm down, it's okay. Sh*t.

Oh, f***. F***!

Guys!

Troy!

Oh, Jesus.

F***ing hell.

Look at me.

F***, you scared

the sh*t out of me.

No, l didn't.

F***. You okay?

What were you doing?

Far from the madding crowd.

l knew you were gonna come.

What?

l saw it.

Tara, these are lethal.

You could have died.

l saw you.

l saw it.

You need to

take it easy for a bit.

You survived,

but they're in your system now.

You don't believe me.

Sure l do.

Try to stand up.

F***ing hell.

l can see things.

The future is--

You need to drink a lot of water.

l knew he was gonna save me.

Lots of water.

Drink.

But you don't understand.

l saw him.

He kissed me. And l knew.

l saw it before.

Sleep.

You'll feel much better

when you wake up.

l iust knew before...

Hey, baby.

l heard you guys

had a moment.

She already likes you.

Now you save her life too.

Look, you know

l don't wanna hurt her.

You hurt her, and l will kill you.

Tomorrow, guys, we trip hard.

Right.

Woo-hoo!

So tell us a ghost story.

Yeah, Jake,

tell us about the banshee.

Oh, great idea.

Yeah.

Or the evil leprechauns.

lt is so scary. Not.

Look, banshees, leprechauns,

You know, it's just

another tourist trap.

No such thing.

There's only one

scary story in the world,

and you know what that is?

The true story, right?

Because if it's true,

you know it can

happen to you, right?

So you know where this is going.

What?

Go on.

Well, there's an

abandoned house up here,

apparently not too far

from where we are now.

lt used to be a young

offenders' centre

called Glengarriff.

lt was owned by

this religious order, kind of

like the Christian Brothers.

They were known

as the Black Knights

of Colmcille.

nothing Christian about them.

Most of them ended up here

after doing all the missions.

All the hot spots: Sierra Leone,

Liberia, the inner Congo, Rwanda.

And God knows

what sights they'd seen,

living amongst mass murderers

and cannibals, what have you.

No. Stop.

This is just...

Baby, baby, l'll protect you. It's cool.

Fine.

Go on.

Now, terrible things went on

in the house if you didn't

abide by their rules.

l mean, they treated the kids

like dogs, literally.

lf a kid was bold,

it wasn't milk and cookies.

lt was banished to the kennels

to live with the guard dogs.

Well, legend had it

there was this one Black Brother

who was

a complete f***ing sadist.

He put a 3-inch steel blade

into an old Irish fighting stick

and he beat the kids with it.

He'd take the worst

young offenders

to the storeroom.

And he'd hang them,

claim they committed suicide.

You know, maim others,

cut out the tongue

of anyone that dared defy him.

Until this one day...

Well, there were

these two young offenders, twins.

You know,

they were difficult boys, but close.

They were caught

throwing stones at the church.

Well, the Black Brother

scalded one's face

and made him wear a sack

over his head to hide the burns.

He then proceeded

to hang his twin

and forced him

to watch his brother swing.

He christened him

the Lonely Twin.

Now, this kid,

after everything he'd seen,

he had nothing

but hate and anger inside of him.

He swore he'd have his revenge.

So he went out and

he picked three pounds

of death's head shrooms,

and he put them

into the Black Brother's

soup bowl.

Little did he know.

Well, think about it.

All that sexual repression,

all that good old Catholic guilt

and violence unleashed.

And what?

Yeah, come on, spit it out.

And 78 people

were massacred that night.

Butchered beyond belief.

#

Two bodies

were never accounted for.

The Black Brother

and the Lonely Twin.

They're said to haunt the woods

round here.

Jesus Christ, enough.

l wouldn't blaspheme

if l were you.

They took great offence to that.

Stop f***ing with her, man.

Yeah, and l don't

wanna have nightmares.

No, seriously,

strange things happen up here

around shroom season.

You know, reports of mysterious

figures lurking in the woods,

people getting hit

by stones that seem

to fly out of nowhere.

Some have even gone

missing only for their bodies

to turn up mutilated,

but always have

one thing in common.

The injuries have been inflicted

by a 3-inch steel blade.

l don't like this story.

She's right, okay? Shut up.

That's...

Okay.

Great. Thanks for

the heart attack

in my sleep.

Yeah, thanks, Jake.

So l guess that concludes

the story, right?

Good night, Tara.

l don't care.

Good night, guys.

Baby, we're not

supposed to until tomorrow.

l know, but it's

supposed to heighten

the sexual experience tenfold.

Hm. Mm.

lnteresting.

Sh*t.

What? What?

There's someone there.

Oh, baby, there's nobody there.

lt's the shrooms.

No, there was.

That motherf***er!

No, Troy, don't go out there.

Bluto, get the f*** out here!

You peeping Tom

motherf***er. l know you were

outside my tent, man.

No, but you're outside mine.

Do you see the steroids,

you f***ing testosterone head?

Look what they do to you.

You're pathetic.

You're gonna get hurt.

No, no, no. It's okay.

l know martial arts. It's okay.

Oh, my God. Are you okay?

Sh*t. Sorry.

You broke my f***ing nose.

F*** you! F***!

Troy, are you okay?

You don't hit people in the face.

What, you think he wanted

a peek at your hairy stash?

You know what, b*tch?

At least my tits are real.

You wanna play like that,

Chewbacca? Because

l will rip that hair right off you.

Guys, chill out, really.

Well, there was someone there.

lt was me.

l needed to take a piss.

l walked past your tent.

That's bullshit.

lt's late. Everyone's tired.

Come on, lads, make up.

F*** you.

Eat me.

Get away from me.

Listen, Lisa, it wasn't me.

Oh, yeah?

Well, who else was it, then?

Come on, are you serious?

l'm so sick of this.

Our bickering,

the mood swings when you

go on those stupid steroids

and the fights

and your pimply ass.

And most of all

your perverted 'behaviour.

Okay. We'll start doing it

from the front.

Are you leaving or am l?

F***!

You know,

you're not so hot yourself.

What?

You fart in your sleep.

No, l don't.

A**hole.

Douchebag.

Tara?

You okay?

Yeah.

Drowsy, like l got a concussion.

l knew something bad

was gonna happen.

Those death's head

shrooms are big juju.

You just need

to get some rest.

l knew he was gonna get hurt.

You took the blame.

Yeah, anything for a quiet life.

You were here the whole time.

Yeah, l know.

l think people got a little freaked

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