Shrooms Page #3

from the ghost story.

lt was iust a story.

Can't kid a kidder.

The death's head fungi.

The death's head fungi.

The gift of premonition.

l knew you were gonna come.

lt's an abandoned house.

Strange things go on up here

around shroom season.

PeopIe going missing.

Never accounted for.

It's said they're meant

to haunt the woods around here.

t was just a story.

t was just a story.

Holy sh*t.

F***.

Bluto.

Hey, come back.

Hello?

Well, well, well.

You can talk.

That's because

you're out of your mind.

You see a girl?

She went thataway.

Thanks.

Wouldn't do that if l were you.

Why not?

You know you're f***ed.

Yes, l know.

l mean, dead f***ed.

Yeah, but you're iust a f***ing cow.

A f***ing cow

that can f***ing talk.

l gotta go.

Yeah.

Bye-bye.

Where you at, b*tch?

Hello? Hello?

Ooh! Doggers.

Hey, hey, hey!

Let me in, let me in. Come on!

Give me some.

Okay.

No. You need more than that

for what l got, baby.

See that?

Yeah, that's what

l'm talking about. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

Yeah, baby girl.

Oh, it's so soft and wet.

What the f***?

Hey.

Hey.

Who's there?

l'm sorry.

Bluto?

Bluto!

Bluto!

Bluto!

You can talk.

Yeah, but you're just

a f***ing cow.

Bluto.

We need to get back.

Where?

To Lisa.

Yeah. To Lisa.

You're tripping.

It's not safe.

Cows can't talk.

No, cows can't talk.

Relax.

Yeah.

Relax.

No.

You relax. Now sleep.

l want his balls in a sling.

Bluto!

He must have snuck out again.

That freak was talking to a cow?

He was tripping out of his mind.

He's so dead.

Hey, a**hole,

this isn't funny.

He's out of it.

He's playing games.

Look, l know you're pissed, okay?

But we gotta find him.

Let him come down.

Then you can kick his ass.

Fine.

Bluto!

Bluto!

Sh h ! Listen .

That's probably the guys.

Let's go back.

l don't wanna miss out

on the fun.

Yes.

You were right, bro.

These shrooms, they're incredible.

ls Bluto back?

No, we thought he was with you.

You want some breakfast?

A liquid, visual breakfast.

l can't believe

you guys started without us.

l wanna find him.

l had a dream.

Something bad happened to him.

lt was iust a dream.

Or a trip.

Something really shitty

could have happened to Bluto.

Well, sh*t happens.

Honey, iust find your neutral space.

l mean, Bluto's not

in anyone's good books today.

He took most of the shrooms.

Look what he did to my hair.

l think it suits you.

Oh, do you?

Yeah.

Do you think it suits me, do you?

Yeah.

Give me some of that.

Lisa, what are you doing?

There's nothing else to do.

F*** him, girl.

He's an a**hole.

Oh, this is great.

l'd accounted for six people.

So it's my conclusion Bluto's having

force 1 O visual hallucinations.

l don't think

he's emotionally equipped for that.

Look at these.

Jesus, it gets better.

Will you listen to me now?

We've got the cell phones in the car.

We could call somebody.

He took the phones.

What a dickface.

What if there's

an emergency?

Guess we're f***ed.

So you know it wasn't me

outside your tent last night?

l don't think

it was Bluto either, though.

l mean, he's a prick,

but l feel like if he did

something like that, you know,

he would have

bragged about it.

Well, if it wasn't me

and it wasn't him, who was it?

That's the question, isn't it?

You know, it's probably

those inbred goat herders

from yesterday.

Yeah.

Bluto!

We're walking in circles.

l don't know.

Oh, sugar.

Wrong shoes.

Shut up.

Bluto!

Bluto!

There's somebody there.

Hello?

Where?

l don't see anything.

They're right

over there. Hello?

lt's coming. It's coming.

lt's coming! Run!

Let's go, let's go.

What?

What is it? What did you see?

Tara!

What did you see?

Are we tripping that hard?

l don't know.

Don't tell me it's some crazy

backwoodsman or something, Tara.

lt wasn't.

What, you know? Who is it?

l'm not sure,

but he was in all black.

And he was from the dream l had.

ln a dream?

You have us

nearly having cardiacs

because of something

you saw in a dream?

That killed Bluto.

Tara, that's f***ed up.

We need to get out of here.

l wish l hadn't taken those shrooms.

Tara.

You asked, Lisa.

You said he was dead.

In the dream.

You're freaking me out.

Look, l overdosed

on the heroin of shrooms.

l don't know

what's going on in my head.

What's real and what's not.

But l'm seeing things

before they happen.

What do you mean?

l want this to stop.

because Bluto stole

our f***ing cell phones!

You see this frog cum?

This is trippy as sh*t, man.

Tara.

You're gonna need a sniffer dog

to find anybody out here, man.

They have to be close.

Bluto!

You hear that?

Yeah.

Bluto.

My feet are killing me.

Dolce & Gabbana

are hardly adequate

outdoor footwear.

Well, maybe if you took

better care of yourself,

your boyfriend wouldn't

have to check me out

every time you turn your back.

ls anybody there?

Could you please help me?

Someone's trying to kill me.

You'd better come in, so...

Do you have a phone?

We do, aye.

Fine chassis.

Bodywork is all there, Ernie.

Will you ever give over?

He's not right in the head, sweetheart.

Phone is there.

Room in the boot too l'd say, Ernie.

F***ing bananas, that man.

lt doesn't work.

You asked

did we have a phone.

You never asked

did it work.

Caught her there, Ernie.

So is there no contact?

There's a tractor.

Didn't he go and f*** the gearbox

in her and all?

Please, l've taken stuff.

Someone's trying to kill me.

Hon, never worry about that.

We've taken stuff too.

Look around you.

The mushies.

Powerful gear.

Keeps you young.

Fills the bag.

Taking them now

since we were

at the bad boys' home.

You were at that home?

Aye.

We were wild cubs,

SO We Were.

Ma used to have to lock us up

with the pigs.

Until this fella here

started interfering with them.

Not me.

The only weakness

l would have now

is for a bull calf tied to a gate.

Lovely tongue on a bull calf.

Like sandpaper.

Say, she have

a nice tongue, Ernie.

A man all in black.

That be the Black Brother.

But he's not real.

But it's happening.

Could be worse.

Could be that fuckwit of a twin.

Or it could be--

Bernie.

Keep your powder dry, boy.

Do you have a bathroom?

Yeah.

ln back there.

Get back.

You bad dog!

Get me an axe.

Get down.

Not yet.

Get down.

Not yet.

Get down.

Tara!

One survivor was found.

This feraI kid

who lived with the dogs.

Bernie, feet, feet, feet.

Troy!

Why are you screaming?

There's nobody here.

Holly, Holly!

Holly, Holly!

Holly, Holly--

So you and Tara, man.

You balling her?

No, man. She's a sweetheart.

Well, she was so pissed

when she found

all five of us

were gonna make

this trip out here.

Dude, seriously,

you're making me paranoid.

Come on,

she wants your nuts.

Troy.

That's Holly.

No, it sounded like Tara.

Troy.

Jake.

Seriously, guys,

this is not funny.

Seriously, guys,

this is not funny.

This is a trip, man, right?

This is a trip.

This is what happens?

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