Sideways Page #11

MAYA:

Good for you.

JACK:

It's getting published. That's what

we're up here celebrating.

Miles shoots Jack a look. Jack responds with a "don't-f***-

it-up-brother" glower.

MAYA:

That's fantastic. Congratulations.

She offers her glass, and all clink.

MAYA:

(to Jack)

Are you a writer too?

JACK:

No, I'm an actor.

MAYA:

Oh yeah? What kind of stuff?

JACK:

A lot of TV. I was a regular on a

couple of series. And lately I've

been doing a lot of commercials.

National mostly.

MAYA:

Anything I'd know?

JACK:

Maybe. Recognize this?

Jack takes a deep breath, and out comes a perfect VOICE-OVER

VOICE.

JACK:

"Now with low, low 5.8% APR

financing."

Maya's mouth drops open and curves into a big smile.

MAYA:

That's hilarious. You sound just

like one of those guys.

JACK:

I am one of those guys.

MAYA:

You are not.

MILES:

He is.

Jack launches into another one of his sure-fire hits.

JACK:

(very fast)

Consult your doctor before using

this product. Side effects may include

oily discharge, dizziness, hives,

loss of appetite, difficulty breathing

and low blood pressure. If you have

diabetes or a history of kidney

trouble... you're f***ed!

This makes Maya laugh a big throaty laugh. Jack joins in.

Nervous about Jack's aggressive flirtatiousness, Miles musters

a tight courtesy smile.

MAYA:

(winding down)

Oh. I needed that. Thank you.

They all take a drink of wine.

MAYA:

So what are you guys up to tonight?

Before Jack has a chance to speak --

MILES:

We're pretty wiped. Probably go back

to the hotel and crash.

This makes Maya slightly embarrassed at her apparent

availability, but she recovers quickly, remains breezy.

MAYA:

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a

long drive up here. Where're you

staying?

MILES:

The Windmill.

JACK:

Windmill.

Maya downs the rest of her wine, stamps out her smoke, and

picks up her jean jacket and purse.

MAYA:

Well, good to see you, Miles. Jack.

MILES:

See you.

As she leaves --

JACK:

We'll catch up with you later, okay?

But she's gone. Jack gives Miles a slow burn look.

JACK:

We'll probably go back to the hotel

and crash?

EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT

The guys walk drunkenly along the shoulder as CARS WHIZ BY.

JACK:

The girl is looking to party, and

you tell her we're going to go back

to our motel room and crash? Jesus,

Miles!

MILES:

Well, I'm tired. Aren't you tired?

JACK:

The chick digs you. She lit up like

a pinball machine when she heard

your novel was getting published.

MILES:

Now I've got another lie to live

down. Thanks, Jack.

JACK:

I'm trying to get you some action,

but you've got to help me out just a

little bit.

MILES:

Didn't seem to me like that's what

was going on. You were all over her.

JACK:

Somebody had to do the talking. And

by the way, I was right. She's not

married.

MILES:

How do you know?

JACK:

No rock. When she came to the bar,

sans rock.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

The screen is absolutely BLACK.

JACK:

Single. Waitress. Getting off work.

Looking for love. A little slap and

tickle.

MILES:

Shut up.

JACK:

She probably went home, lit some

candles, put on some relaxing music,

took a nice hot bath, and laid down

on her bed with her favorite vibrator.

Jack begins to make a soft BUZZING noise, growing gradually

louder and more rhythmic.

MILES:

Have you no shame?

JACK:

Oooh. Oh. Miles. Miles.

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