Sideways Page #29

JACK:

Yo! Yo! Here's my boy! Here's my

boy! Who's your daddy, boy? Who is

yo' daddy?

MILES:

Put me down, Jack.

Jack continues his paean to Miles's triumphant night.

MILES:

I said put me down. Jack!

Still gripping Miles in a bearhug, Jack flings the both of

them onto the bed. Now on top of Miles, Jack KISSES both

cheeks.

JACK:

I'm so proud of you! Let me love

you!

Now they get up off the bed.

JACK:

So tell me everything. Details. I

like details.

MILES:

No.

JACK:

What?

MILES:

It's private.

JACK:

You're kidding, right? Tell me what

happened, you f***er, or I'll tie

your dick in a knot.

MILES:

Let's leave it alone.

Jack looks at Miles, his face frozen with incomprehension.

JACK:

You didn't get any, did you?

(off Miles's silence)

You're a homo.

MILES:

Just stop, okay? Make something up,

and that's what happened. Whatever

you want. Write my confession, and

I'll sign it. Just stop pushing me

all the time! I can't take it! You're

an infant! This is all a big party

for you, but not for me! This is

serious. And you -- Just... leave me

alone, okay? You're f***ing me up.

JACK:

Wow. Okay. Calm down. Sorry.

Miles begins to calm down. Jack grows concerned and

sensitively puts one arm around his friend.

JACK:

Did you have trouble performing?

Yeah, that's...

MILES:

Shut up! Shut up, Jack!

The phone RINGS and both men look at it, silenced by the

ominous sound.

MILES:

Don't answer it.

But Jack is drawn to it as though enticed by a strange game

of Russian roulette.

MILES:

I'm telling you, don't.

Jack picks up the receiver and puts it to his ear.

JACK:

Hello? Oh, hey, honey. How you doing?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

(mouthing)

Christine.

Miles lies on his bed and clamps both hands over his ears.

His face is dark with resentment.

JACK:

Listen, honey. Let me call you back.

Miles and I are in the middle of

something. No, it's nothing serious --

Miles is just having one of his freak-

outs. Yeah. Love you too. I'll call

you right back.

Jack hangs up.

MILES:

This whole week has gone sour. It

isn't turning out like it was supposed

to.

(deadly serious)

I want to go home.

JACK:

Who's being selfish now? I'm the one

getting married. I thought this week

was supposed to be about me.

MILES:

We gotta slow down.

(closing his eyes)

I'm so tired. Let's just get out of

here.

JACK:

I know what you need.

INT. SEARS - DAY

Jack watches Miles be fitted for SNEAKERS. A SALES ASSOCIATE

ties Miles's laces.

SALES ASSOCIATE:

There you go.

Miles gets up and walks in a circle.

MILES:

Do you like them?

JACK:

Yeah, they're great. Sporty. They're

really sporty.

MILES:

Are they too sporty?

INT. MALL - DAY

The boys exit Sears, Miles wearing his new shoes and carrying

a PLASTIC BAG with a string handle.

JACK:

Feel better?

Miles shrugs.

JACK:

(noticing something)

Oh here, wait a second. I want to

run in here real quick.

He heads toward a TOYS STORE.

JACK:

(over his shoulder)

I want to get something for Siena.

Mildly concerned, Miles watches Jack go into the store.

INT./EXT. SAAB - DAY

Miles is slumped in the passenger seat as Jack drives. They

pass a BIG COMMERCIAL WINERY. Jack slows down, preparing to

turn in.

JACK:

How about this one? We didn't hit

this one.

MILES:

Yeah, it's Frass Canyon. It's a joke.

JACK:

You ever actually been in there,

Miles?

MILES:

I don't have to.

Rate this script:4.8 / 5 votes