Sideways Page #30

JACK:

(turning the wheel)

I say we check it out. You never

know.

EXT. LARGE WINERY PARKING LOT - DAY

The Saab finds a place in the large parking lot. A TOUR BUS,

whose flank reads "Solvang Wine Tours," is in the process of

letting out WINE TOURISTS, many of them elderly.

INT. LARGE WINERY - DAY

The room boasts not only a large TASTING BAR but also display

after display of t-shirts, golf shirts, olive oils, chocolate

sauces and other gourmet tourist items emblazoned with the

winery's logo.

In the corner an ACOUSTIC GUITARIST with a small amp plays

soothing Windham Hill-ish music.

The tasting bar is packed three-deep with TASTERS attended

to by HARRIED POURERS.

Finally the POURER gets to their glasses. Miles chews a sip

and swallows, then downs the rest in a single gulp.

MILES:

Tastes like the back of a f***ing LA

schoolbus. Probably didn't de-stem,

hoping for some semblance of

concentration, crushed it up with

leaves and mice, wound up with this

rancid tar and turpentine mouthwash

bullshit. F***ing Raid.

JACK:

I don't know. Tastes okay to me.

(looking at the tasting

sheet)

Hey, they got a reserve pinot.

MILES:

Let me use your phone.

JACK:

(handing it over)

What's up?

MILES:

I can't take it anymore. I've got to

call Evelyn.

EXT. LARGE WINERY - DAY

Walking across the lawn outside, Miles holds the cellphone

to his ear.

ASSISTANT (ON THE PHONE)

Evelyn Berman-Silverman's office.

MILES:

Hi, it's Miles.

ASSISTANT (ON THE PHONE)

Oh, hi, Miles. Let me see if I can

get her.

(a moment later)

You're in luck. I'll put you through.

EVELYN (ON THE PHONE)

Miles.

MILES:

Hey, Evelyn, it's your favorite

client.

EVELYN (ON THE PHONE)

How's the trip?

MILES:

Good, good. Drinking some good wines

and kicking back, you know. So what's

happening? Still no word?

EVELYN (ON THE PHONE)

Actually there is word. I spoke to

Keith Kurtzman this morning.

MILES:

And?

EVELYN (ON THE PHONE)

And... they're passing. Conundrum's

passing. He said they really liked

it. They really wanted to do it, but

they just couldn't figure out how to

market it. He said it was a tough

call.

MILES:

Huh.

EVELYN (ON THE PHONE)

I'm sorry, Miles.

(off his silence)

So I don't know where that leaves

us. I'm not sure how much more mileage

I can get out of continuing to submit

it. I think it's one of those

unfortunate cases in the business

right now -- a fabulous book with no

home. The whole industry's gotten

gutless. It's not about the quality

of the books. It's about the

marketing.

Miles is at a loss for words. A distant RUMBLE begins to

sound, the familiar harbinger of an anxiety attack.

EXT. DEEP CANYON - INSERT

Once again we see the narrow ROPE BRIDGE extending

vertiginously across a great CHASM.

EXT. LARGE WINERY - BACK AGAIN

EVELYN (ON THE PHONE)

Are you there? Miles?

MILES:

Yeah, I'm here.

EVELYN (ON THE PHONE)

I'm sorry, Miles. We did all we could.

You've been a real trooper.

(loudly, to her

assistant)

Tell him I'll call back.

MILES:

So I guess that's it.

EVELYN (ON THE PHONE)

You're a wonderful writer, Miles.

Don't be discouraged.

MOMENTS LATER --

Miles STAGGERS toward the tasting room, unpocketing his Xanax

and downing a couple, as Evelyn's clichés of consolation

continue in his head.

EVELYN (ON THE PHONE)

Just hang in there, and who knows?

After you get something else

published, we can revisit this one.

And next time we can try a different

title.

Once back at the tent, he leans against it in a vain attempt

to steady himself. The RUMBLE grows deafening.

INT. LARGE WINERY - DAY

Now inside, Miles grabs the first DIRTY WINE GLASS he finds

and shakes it out as he approaches the closest tasting

station. He pushes his way to front.

The pourer offers the usual one-ounce dollop. Miles jacks it

back, immediately extending his glass for more.

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