Sister Act Page #11

Mary Lazarus raises her hand, and the choir begins

singing. They sing a traditional hymn, "Let Thy Thoughts Be

Guided." As always, their singing is dreadful; they have no

tempo or pitch, and the hymn becomes an off-key drone.

As the hymn continues, the CAMERA PANS OVER the chapel.

Aside from the nuns, it is almost empty; only a few elderly

people are in attendance.

ANGLE ON CHRISTY

sitting with the other nuns. She is clearly about to fall

asleep. Then the choir hits a particularly horrendous

note, and Christy jerks awake. She immediately tries to

assume a pious expression, tilting her head and folding her

hands in prayer; she looks like a somewhat demented Sunday

School calendar.

EXT. LAS VEGAS POLICE DEPARTMENT

Detective Clarkson gets out of his car and hurries into

the police station.

INT. POLICE STATION

Clarkson crosses the busy room to Eddie's glass-walled

office. Along the way, he signals Detective Tate to follow

him.

Page 37.

INT. MULCAHY'S OFFICE

Eddie looks up from his desk as the two detectives enter.

CLARKSON:

There was a raid on a pawnshop in L.A.

this morning. The place was fencing

stolen property. They found this.

Clarkson gives Eddie a fax sheet, showing a publicity

photograph of Christy.

EDDIE:

Jesus. Data-base hoods. It's a

wonderful world.

(reading the fax

sheet)

Beloved daughter missing. Reward of two

hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

Please find our adored angel, we miss her

so. Dead or alive.

TATE:

Vince is getting desperate. Where is

she, Eddie? Where'd you stash her?

EDDIE:

Where's who?

TATE:

You won't even tell us?

EDDIE:

I wouldn't even tell the Pope.

INT. CONVENT SCHOOLROOM - AN HOUR LATER

A plain whitewashed classroom, with battered student-style

desks. A group of about eight local TEENAGE GIRLS has

gathered. The girls wear extremes of hair, makeup and

clothing; they are bored and scruffy, clearly the local bad

Girls. Sister Mary Patrick is leading the class, in her

usual perky manner.

MARY PATRICK:

Good afternoon, young ladies. And

welcome to our Christian Youth Group.

The Girls make grunting noises.

MARY PATRICK:

Hi. I hope we'll have some fun, and

maybe learn a little something, too. Now,

today's topic is something very up-to-

date -- "Teenage Promiscuity." My. Now,

can anyone tell me -- just what is

promiscuity?

ANGLE on the Girls, exchanging glances and rolling their

eyes.

Page 38

MARY PATRICK:

Anyone? Yes?

Mary Patrick points to a Girl in bicycle pants. a bustier

and a leather baseball cap. Her name is Lawanda.

LAWANDA:

Uh, it's like, you know, doin' it. A

whole lot. Till your head falls off.

MARY PATRICK:

(blushing)

Well, yes. That is one way to put it.

Mother Superior enters the classroom accompanied by

Christy

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Sister Mary Patrick?

MARY PATRICK:

Yes?

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

I need to see you, at once. Girls,

please excuse Sister Mary Patrick for a

few moments. Mary Clarence?

CHRISTY:

Yeah?

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

Girls, this is Sister Mary Clarence.

She'll be minding you until Sister Mary

Patrick's return. Mary Clarence, please

assign a biblical passage. Do not

attempt discussion. Am I understood?

CHRISTY:

I got it.

MOTHER SUPERIOR:

(to Mary Patrick)

Come, Sister.

Mother Superior and Mary Patrick leave the classroom.

Christy now stands at the front of the room. She is

visibly uncomfortable.

CHRISTY:

So, hi there. I'm... Sister Mary

Clarence. And you're... young

Christians. I guess I should assign you

this passage. What's good? What were

you talking about?

LAWANDA:

We were talking about the wild thing.

Teen promiscuity.

Page 39

CHRISTY:

(after a beat)

Really.

CHARLENE:

Yeah. Sister Mary Pat was discussing

it. You know she thinks it's a sin.

CHRISTY:

(trying to behave)

Well... yes. Yes it is.

LAWANDA:

(goading Christy)

How come? Sister?

CHRISTY:

(still trying to

behave)

Well... because it's in the Bible. "Thou

shalt not..." Thou shalt not.

The Girls all laugh and make jeering noises.

CHRISTY:

Excuse me -- just what are you all doing

here? At Sunday School?

LAWANDA:

'Cause we love it so damn much. And

cause we gotta come here. Probation.

CHRISTY:

Probation?

CHARLENE:

Yeah. We all got caught. Shoplifting.

Cuttin' school. Cuttin' up some b*tch

with a blade. So we gotta come here. So

we'll be good, in the future. So we'll

learn valuable lessons. And I learned

mine. I will be incredibly good, I will

never rip out nobody's nose-ring by

accident ever again. Can I go now?

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