Sisters

You scored yourself a

nice corner. Good job.

Hi. I'm Maura Ellis.

I'm not part of a

religious group or anything.

I'm just a nurse who likes

to give back on her days off.

You know, when you're living outdoors,

skin cancer is a real concern.

So I got you some sunscreen,

and you, my friend, have

some irregular moles.

You're a very friendly person.

Wanna come to my house

and take a shower?

Maybe make a list of goals?

Oh, I have a girlfriend.

Great. It's important to have

a lady out there in the street.

What do you call it, a

road b*tch or something?

Her name's Karen.

Your little mama? Your street wife?

Anyway,

I'm pretty good with sayings,

so I make these cards for my sister,

but I think maybe you could use one.

Without the dark night, we

would never see the bright stars.

Is this from Twilight?

No, I made it up.

Mmm, no, you didn't.

Yeah, I did.

See you later.

Wait.

Wait a minute.

Hey!

You're not homeless?

You were on a roll.

Well, give me back the sunscreen

so I can give it to an

actual homeless person!

Like this lady.

F*** off! I'm the manager here.

0 for 2.

Polenta! Come get your dinner.

Mom?

Hi. Can you hear me'?

Hiya, kid. What are you up to today?

Dad, come in front of the

camera so I can see you.

How are things at the hospital, honey?

We heard that Atlanta

had a terrible storm.

Garage sale. Okay.

Can you guys both sit in front

of the camera when you talk

so that I can see you and

hear you at the same time?

We don? Get this Skype crap.

There's nothing to get.

Maura,

we have some news.

Maura, we have some news.

Oh, my God. Who's sick?

Oh, for cry eye, Maura.

Relax!

We decided

to sell the house.

Yeah, okay. Funny joke. What's the news?

We are. We're selling it.

The one we grew up in?

Are you selling it to each other?

No, honey.

Why would you do that?

We don't want it anymore.

It's too big.

Look,if this is some kind of financial

thing, I can help you out with money.

No, honey.

All we need you to do is to

come and clean out your bedroom

because it's a bottomless pit.

Okay. I can come. Just don't

make a move until I get there.

Does Kate know about this?

We haven'! Told her yet.

You two take news so differently.

We wondered if maybe

you should tell hen.

Because we don? Want to.

Why do I always have to be the one?

Oh, sh*t.

I think you guys froze.

Hold on. Can you hear me?

Hello?

You're blinking. You're fake freezing.

Unbelievable. Just call

her. You're her parents.

Dad! Let it go.

See, where most stylists blow

it is they color your hair

but they leave your Santa eyebrows. Hmm.

They half-ass it, but

I'm a perfectionist.

Thank you.

So why are we covering

this gray today, Phil?

Well, I have a date with an engaging

new gal, somewhat younger than me.

Good for you, because ladies

your age are gross, right?

Well, I just hope it looks

natural. It smells very strong.

No. It's super gentle. They

use it on pageant babies.

Mom! I'm home!

My daughter's home! She has

been gone half the summer.

I'll be right back. If it feels

like it's burning, it's working.

Wow!

You have been gone for so

long! Did you get taller?

I've only been gone a month, and

I stopped growing a long time ago.

Um, is this supposed to be getting warm?

Let it cook, Phil.

Um...

Mom?

Why are you doing some

guy's hair in the bathroom?

P.S. this does not feel right. Hello.

Why aren't you doing it in a salon?

Please don't tell me

you quit your job again.

I didn't quit! All right.

You know that dipshit

lady on Channel Eleven

who does the segments

where she tries new things?

Yeah. Go on.

Well, she wanted bangs,

but then afterwards she decided

that she didn't want bangs.

And my manager started bitching me out,

so I shoved him and his

American Girl Doll glasses broke.

Okay. So you got fired.

Why do you keep doing this, Mom?

You wanna have a cereal party?

No, I don't. I want

you to be responsible

so that I don't have to be.

It is too stressful

sleeping with you on a pull-out

couch in your friend's dining room.

She is not my friend.

She was our bug man.

I need to learn to be more irresponsible

otherwise I'm going to be

hazed so bad in college.

It's bubbling like Pop Rocks.

I'm gonna stay at Annie's

house again. All right.

Okay, that's a lie because Annie

is in Italy with her family.

I know how to use Facebook.

I will keep sending you pictures

so that you know that I'm safe.

No. You cannot just leave again

and not tell me where you are.

You know why I don't

tell you where I'm going?

Because you'll show up there and

you'll make a big scene like a hothead!

I am not a hothead! I am brassy.

I love you, Mom, but your life

is just too chaotic right now.

It is not chaotic

Kate!

Is this your waxing strip?

I don't know, Dana.

It must be a client's.

My dog had this in his feces.

And before I could stop him

he ate the poop with the

waxing strip in it again.

And then he threw that up.

Okay.

You know how many times a day

I kiss that dog on the mouth?

An unsettling amount.

Now when I kiss him,

I'm gonna picture that he ate

some stranger's pubes.

And it's gonna affect

my relationship with him.

Oh, boy.

All right. Let's bring

this in for a landing, Dana.

You get out of here by tomorrow.

You're done!

Where the hell am I gonna go?

You wanna explain that to my daughter?

Haley?

Sh*t.

Haley?

Haley!

Okay, Haley, just come back

up, and we will talk about this.

Hey, it's me.

Hello?

This is very unprofessional.

Hey. I can't talk right now.

Real quick. Mom and Dad called.

Ugh, what now?

What's up? Everything all right?

No, I don't need lotion in there.

Yeah, you do need lotion in there.

Hey, here's something fun.

Mom and Dad want us to come down.

They need us to clear out

some of our old bedroom stuff.

Why? They have other rooms.

I don't know. Maybe they

wanna get a treadmill.

A treadmill? Mom can't

even sit right on a couch.

I'm just gonna shape them real quick.

All right.

Yeah, no. I can't afford to

come to Orlando right now.

Well, I'll send you

money for the flight.

Come to Orlando. Ellis sisters reunion.

Coming home always makes things better.

That's actually a really good idea.

Tell me the truth.

Next stop, Orlando Airport.

Thank you for riding Greyhound.

Create the life you love

Please maintain contact

with your baggage.

All unattended baggage

will be confiscated.

Hey. Could I get a

small glass of tequila?

Like a shot of tequila?

Yeah, a shot. Just keeping it classy.

Paging Mr. Herman.

Oh, Mr. Pee-wee Herman!

Look at you. Hi!

Look at you.

Uh-uh, uh-uh.

What's going on?

Nothing.

Wow, turn it around. This is soft.

You look great. No.

I look like a dead deer

bloated on the highway.

No. You look like a pretty

deer who's still alive.

Mmm. But also, just recently hit.

Your hair is long! It's so mermaid-y.

Oh, I got a whole intricate sewn-in

system under there, but it's human.

Okay, well, you have to be

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes