Sixteen Candles Page #7

[ Brakes Squeal ]

It hasn't got

Triple A on it.

Chugalug, Pooh bear.

[ Laughing ]

I can't believe

you're so popular,

acting like this.

[ Bottle Crashing ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

Relax!

Hello?

Oh, uh, I don't know.

I'll have to look.

Mr. Ryan, are you in here?

He's not... Mr. Ryan's

not in right now.

My Christmas present

to you!

Thank you.

No. Really.

Serious.

See? See?

"[ Continues ]

Thank you.

[ Laughing ]

Now we're both

on the pill!

[ Spitting ]

You gave me a

birth control pill?

You have any idea

what that'll do

to a guy my age?

I know exactly what it'll do

to a girl my age.

"Just climb in the car!"

And this sh*t.

It makes it okay to be

super careless.

Wait, wait!

[ Horn Honking ]

[ Giggles ]

Look, we're not going

any further until you

stop these childish antics.

Don't be such a poop.

Huh. On second thought.

[ Caroline ] I love you.

This is getting good.

"[ "Peter Gunn" ]

[ Yowl ]

[ Crash ]

[ Dog Barking ]

Ted, what the hell

are you doing?

Are those humongous jocks

back?

[ Headgear Beeping ]

Do you have any film

in your camera?

What?

Take those ridiculous

things off.

[ Beeping Stops ]

Do you have any film

in your camera?

Sure.

Okay. Go get it

and bring it outside.

Okay? Right out front.

What for?

Look, just get it

and come on out front, okay?

U.F.O.?

It's better.

Extraterrestrial?

It's better! All right?

Just get it and come outside.

[ Together ]

Female extraterrestrial?

It's better than...

Shh!

Better than female

extraterrestrial?

How do you tell

if it's a female?

'Cause it's got tits.

What makes 'em different

than regular tits?

They got four.

Just get the camera.

It's in the closet.

Don't go in the closet.

- [ Crash ]

- [ Dog Barking ]

Such a**holes.

I can't believe it.

You should check that out.

Why do you always

have to argue?

I'm not arguing. I am not!

I am not!

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

Every time I do something,

b*tch, b*tch, b*tch.

B*tch is a female dog.

I am not even.

What's that supposed

to mean?

Sh*t!

Shoot!

"[ Big Band ]

[ Ted Mouthing ]

Ted, that's

a Rolls-Royce.

Ted, that's the prom queen.

You got two girls

in one night.

I told you dudes

I was hot.

Hot? You're a legend!

Will you shut up?

People around here work,

all right?

Will you hurry it up?

I'm breaking, like, thirty

major laws here!

You know, Ted,

nobody's gonna

believe you.

No way.

That, my friends,

is what the pictures

are for. Okay?

Just get that thing

there.

- Are you guys ready?

- Wait, hold on.

Put it down just a bit.

You guys know what

you're doing here?

All right,

just a minute.

How's this look?

Very nice.

Wait, black and white. It would

capture the moment so nicely.

Oooh.

Will you take

the picture already?

You're pissin' me off,

I'm tellin' ya.

Smile, pumpkin.

What?

Oh! Pictures!

Cheers!

"[ "Wedding March, "

Wagner ]

[ Sniffing ]

[ Laughing ]

Marlene! Ohh!

Chill out, boy.

Mike, honey.

Go get dressed.

I can't believe it.

Ginny's not in the shower.

I wouldn't go in there.

Grandpa Fred was in there

for a half an hour.

It's totally polluted.

Get dressed.

It's your nose.

They never listen.

What was he wearing?

Well, he would have...

He was wearing a red argyle

sweater and tan trousers.

Mmm. And red shoes.

Hmm?

No, he's not retarded.

Now, what can I do to help?

Well, you could finish

the French toast.

Good.

I'll, uh... I'll just open

the donuts.

Good thinking.

Oops. Don't wanna

lose the nails.

I'll just wait till I

hear from you, then.

Voila. Breakfast is ready.

Oh, Sam.

Sam, I am so sorry

about your birthday.

It's okay.

I'll recover.

It's important to you.

And yesterday morning,

you were trying to tell me.

It's okay, Mom.

[ Sniffling ]

These things

sometimes happen.

Oh, honey, I just

feel miserable.

You'll feel better.

Who died?

Uh...

Is there something

you want to say to your sister?

What? Are you kidding?

Where should I start?

I mean about her birthday.

It was yesterday.

We all forgot.

[ Laughing ]

Classic.

Deep down,

he's really sorry.

[ Together ]

No, he's not.

I have to go to this

wedding and look like

Miss Pretty Princess...

in this dipshit's

bridesmaid's dress.

I don't have one-tenth

of the bod to fill

the stupid bust up.

So what?

Should I just waste myself

and spare the agony?

I was gonna tell you something,

but maybe I shouldn't.

It's pretty bad.

You may as well.

Nothing could shock me

anymore.

[ Exhales ]

Last night at the dance,

my little brother paid a buck

to see your underwear.

[ Samantha Shrieks ]

Geez! I hate that

rock 'n' roll rubbish!

Well, I'm afraid it's

here to stay, Howie.

"[ Rock ]

Sam, you're dragging

your dress, honey. Pick it up.

Come on, Ginny.

Hurry up, Sara.

Why is she so slow?

Do not fuss at your sister.

It's her wedding day.

Big deal.

All right, is everybody in? Oh, dear.

Are you all right, Ginny?

[ Indistinct Chattering ]

Come on, everybody.

Get in the car, please.

We're late already.

[ All Chattering At Once ]

Helen, will you get in the car?

I don't know what

they're fussing about.

Helen, get in the car!

[ Chattering Continues ]

[ Fred ]

Hey, Howard, there's

your Chinaman.

[ Howard ]

Thanks, Fred.

[ Jim ] Bye, Dong.

What the...

What's he doin'

on the ground there?

[ Dorothy ]

What happened? What happened?

[ Helen ] Hold a mirror

in front of his mouth.

Howard! He's dead!

Aw, sh*t.

I pay seven grand for a wedding,

I'll never see it!

Oh, watch your language,

Mr. Dirty Mouth.

Oh, thank God,

he is still warm.

Oh, good.

Here, l-I'll help you.

Roll him over.

[ Everyone Groans ]

Ugh.

[ Gagging ]

Canine cologne.

Oh, no more yankee

my wankee.

The Donger need food!

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughing ]

Hell, he's three sheets to the wind!

He's drunk

as a skunk!

You just shut up, Fred. Shut up.

Dong!

[ Dong Laughing ]

Dong.

Dong, Grandpa

is talking to you.

Dong. Where is my

automobile?

Automobile?

[ Continues Laughing ]

[ Imitating Race Car ]

[ Imitating Crash ]

Lake.

Big lake.

[ Big Gasp ]

Why, you

little scuzzbag!

[ Dong Yelps ]

[ Church Bells Chiming ]

[ Woman ] Oh, my.

Is everything all right?

I was afraid you'd

had an accident.

I wish.

Her monthly bill

came early.

[ Laughs ]

Well, she's fine.

Uh, she just took

a muscle relaxer.

Try four.

You didn't.

Mother!

"[ "Theme From Dragnet" ]

Damn, Mom!

I've got my headgear on.

Will you wake up?

Where the hell am I?

I'll, uh, tell you

where you are, if you'll

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