Sixteen Candles Page #6

I bet you're really

P.O. 'd, huh?

No, it's okay.

I'm not really all

that upset anymore.

This wedding is really turning

this entire house inside out.

And I just came down to tell you

that we did remember.

Thanks, Dad.

Happy birthday.

[ Sighs ]

Is something else wrong?

No, why?

I don't know, I just get

the feeling that something's

bothering you.

Something other than

your birthday.

No, I'm fine. Really.

I think I know what it is.

It has to do

with a certain guy?

I know, honey.

I know.

We're all upset

that Ginny's

marrying a bohunk.

What's the matter?

[ Sighs ]

I meant Jake.

Jake?

[ Sighs ]

Wait a minute. I thought

she said his name was Rudy.

Forget it.

Forget what?

Who's Jake?

He's a boy, Daddy. It's nothing.

Okay? Just forget it, please.

Come on, Sam.

We're not communicating.

[ Sighs ]

It's extremely

embarrassing, okay?

What's embarrassing?

Sitting in the dark

with your dad, telling him

about your love life.

I'm afraid you lost me

again, Sam.

Jake is a senior,

and he's beautiful

and perfect.

I like him a real lot,

and he doesn't like me.

Okay?

Oh.

And he's got this

incredible girlfriend.

I'm just this ridiculous dork

that's following him around

like a puppy.

Why do you think

you're a dork?

I don't think you're a dork.

I don't think Mom thinks you're a dork.

- Mike thinks I'm a dork.

- Mike is a dork.

[ Sighs ]

But so am I.

Well, if it's any consolation,

I love you.

And if this guy can't see in you

all the beautiful and wonderful

things that I see,

then he's got the problem.

I know. It just hurts.

That's why they call them crushes.

If they were easy,

they'd call 'em something else.

[ Sighs ]

But if I were Ginny,

I'd have this guy

crawling on his knees.

Well, let me tell you something

about Ginny.

Now, I love her

as much as I love you.

But she's a different person.

Sometimes I worry about her.

When you're given things

kind of easily,

you don't always

appreciate them.

With you, I'm not worried.

When it happens to you,

Samantha, it'll be forever.

Well, I don't think

I'll be able to sleep if I don't feel

this little talk has helped you.

So would you be a sport

and lie to me?

[ Chuckles ]

Yeah, sure, Daddy.

[ Kiss ]

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night.

Oh, one more thing,

sweetheart.

What?

When you do find the right guy,

don't let him boss you around.

Make sure he knows

you wear the pants

in the family.

[ Ding-Dong ]

These are really hers?

Yeah.

How did you get 'em?

She gave 'em to me.

Did you...

No! No, Jake.

She's crying for you.

I told her you asked

about her. Right?

The girl freaked.

She had a hissy. She thinks

you're the cat's meow.

Really?

Yeah.

She came up to me

in the gym tonight.

She looked at me

like I was a leper.

Girls'll do that, Jake.

You see, they know guys are,

like, in perpetual heat, right?

They know this sh*t.

And they enjoy pumping us up.

It's pure power politics,

I'm tellin' you.

I thought she hated

my guts.

Games, Jake.

Silly, torturous games.

You know how many times a week

I go without lunch because some

b*tch borrows my lunch money?

Any halfway decent girl

can rob me blind!

Because I'm too torqued up

to say no.

It's heinous,

I'm telling you.

You better not be

dickin' me around.

It'd be a major downer

to try and get together...

and find out she really does

think I'm a slime.

Jake, would I dick you?

Let me put it to you this way.

What happens to me

if I dick you?

[ Chuckles ]

I'd kick your ass.

Right. So why would I lie?

But I feel compelled

to mention, Jake,

if all you want is a piece

of ass, I mean,

I'll either do it myself,

or get someone bigger than me,

to kick your ass.

I mean, not many girls in contemporary

American society today...

would give their underwear

to help a geek like me.

I can get a piece of ass

anytime I want.

Sh*t, I got Caroline

in my bedroom right now,

passed out cold.

I could violate her

ten different ways

if I wanted to.

What are you

waiting for?

I don't know.

She's beautiful,

and she's built

and all that.

[ Sighs ]

I'm just not

interested anymore.

Does that really matter, guy?

Yeah, it matters.

She's totally insensitive.

Look what she did

to my house.

She doesn't know sh*t

about love.

Only thing she cares

about is partying.

I want a serious girlfriend.

Somebody I can love,

that's gonna love me back.

Is that psycho?

[ Spits ]

That's beautiful, Jake.

I think a ton of guys

feel the same way as you do.

Really?

Yeah. It's just they don't...

They don't have the balls

to admit it.

You know? They're just...

They're wimps.

Samantha's, uh...

She's really special,

you know?

I'll make a deal with you.

Let me keep these. I'll

let you take Caroline home.

But you gotta make sure she

gets home. You can't leave her

in some parking lot somewhere.

Okay?

Jake, I'm only a freshman.

So? She's so blitzed, she

won't know the difference.

Jake, I don't have a car.

You can take mine.

Jake, I don't have a license.

I trust you.

Jake, I'd love to.

I can't. Want a pretzel?

You sure?

Positive.

[ Grunts ]

I got her.

You got her?

Yeah.

Is this, uh, your car,

Jake?

No, this is my dad's car.

You said you couldn't

drive a stick.

This is a mother...

This is a Rolls-Royce,

Jake.

So?

So! So.

I heard the grill alone

cost five grand on this.

Five grand!

I don't have five grand.

Then don't hit anything.

Ahh, don't

hit anything.

Do you want to do this

or not?

No.

[ Snoring ]

Who the hell?

Who does he...

[ Groans ]

Mm-hmm. Mmm.

Who's he?

That's me.

Who are you?

I'm him.

Oh.

Okay.

[ Chuckles ]

She's totally gone.

Have fun.

Thanks.

[ Engine Starts ]

Jake, is your dad

a big man, or...

About 6'4".

Very nice.

Ho.

[ Brakes Screech ]

Ohh.

Oh.

Ho.

[ Brakes Screech ]

Easy.

Easy.

~~

[ Screech ]

[ Screech ]

[ Man ]

'Hey, sucker '

[ Female Singers ]

' What the hell's got into you '

[ Dong Laughing ]

'Hey, sucker"

[ Snorting ]

Oh, sexy girlfriend.

Banzai!

[ Grunts ]

[ Cans Clatter ]

[ Can Clatters ]

[ Doors Slam ]

Think they liked us?

Definitely.

"[ Rock ]

Whoo!

Go, darling geek!

Uh, could we turn

that music down?

I'm a first-time driver.

I need to concentrate.

[ Horn Honks ]

Excuse me!

Stop that.

[ Laughing ]

Looks like rain.

Better put the top up!

Will you stop that?

You can get us in a lot

of trouble doin' that!

This is a car!

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