Sixteen Candles Page #5

How's it goin'?

Do you got a cigarette?

Jake, this may sound

incredibly dumb,

but I love you,

and I'll do anything

to make you love me.

I love your shirt.

Jake, you're not

gonna believe this,

but I had this

very bizarre dream,

and you were in it.

[ Man ]

For heaven's sake.

Get in there and dance.

[ Boy ] I can't.

They won't like me!

I'm not gonna tell you again!

Just act like a man!

I wanna go home.

I wanna be with you guys.

~~

[ Woman ]

' You-ou are my desire '

' You... You are my desire '

' You-ou are my desire '

' Oh, baby, you, you, you

you are my desire '

' Got to flnd you

Know you're out there '

[ Sighing ]

I can't believe I'm such a jerk.

"[ Continues ]

He smiles at me,

and I don't say anything.

And I can't believe

I gave my panties to a geek.

What year are you?

Freshman.

Gimme a buck.

Get in.

[ All Chattering ]

Shut up!

[ Chatter Stops ]

Bryce?

Ted,

go for it.

[ All Gasping ]

[ Gong Clangs ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

Hey, uh, listen, uh,

I wanna thank you for,

uh, loanin' me the Donger.

[ Car Horns Honking ]

He's really bitchin'.

[ Coughs ]

That's okay.

You guys make a great couple.

I never been so happy

in my whole life.

You maniac!

[ Both Giggling ]

Now I have a place

to put my hand.

Mmm.

So basically, Jimmy,

my business is

video game arcades,

laundry,

cigarette machines...

[ Belching, Big Burps ]

And trucking.

I dabble a little bit

in personal loans and politics.

"[ "Love Theme

From The Godfather" ]

Very nice.

I think that all

that really matters is that

the kids are happy together.

Just as long as

my beautiful boy remembers...

that marrying this one

means he's out of the

girl of the month club.

- Hey, wait a minute.

I can still look.

- [ Laughing, Snorting ]

I just can't touch.

Right?

Oh, sensitive, huh?

[ Chuckling ]

Rudy!

- Cheers.

- Right on.

[ Slurps, Sighs ]

You do shots?

Come on, wolf it.

Whoo!

[ Laughing ]

[ Brakes Squealing ]

Uh, good night, Marlene.

See you later, Dong.

Sammy, tell Grandpa

not to wait up.

Let's go boogie.

- Sure.

- [ Tires Screeching ]

Donger's here for five hours,

and he's got somebody.

I live here my whole life,

and I'm like a disease.

[ Sighing ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

"[ Rock ]

' We're hangin' out

in Vinnie's car '

[ Chattering ]

' We like

the really loud guitar '

'Don't ever seem

to get too far '

'Spend all our money

in a bar '

[ Chattering, Shouting ]

"[ Continues ]

[ Slurred Voice ]

Everybody,

I'd like you to meet

my boyfriend Jake.

Jake, this is... everybody.

[ Teen ]

Take it off!

All right, whose is this?

You're such a poop.

"[ Continues ]

[ Brakes Squealing ]

[ Exclaiming, Shrieking ]

[ Crashing ]

[ Metal Clattering ]

'Farmer John '

Woof.

'I'm in love

with your daughter '

"[ Continues ]

[ Girl Panting ]

Oh, Tony.

Easy, easy.

"[ Loud Rock Continues]

[ Kids Chattering, Laughing ]

[ Headgear Beeping ]

[ Bryce ] Sh*t, Ted, that's my mom.

I gotta get home.

Change your frequency, okay?

Don't be such a wimp!

[ People Laughing,

Chattering Loudly ]

Take those ridiculous things

off, okay?

Will you guys grow up?

Ted, won't we get pounded

if we go to a senior party?

Wease, we got $70,

and we got a pair

of girl's underpants.

We're safe as kittens.

Okay?

This is a great social

opportunity for us.

Come on!

[ Boys Mouthing Along The Lyrics ]

Do not embarrass me,

okay?

For sure, we won't.

Will you fix your hair,

Bryce?

I already did.

Wease, close your barn,

all right?

[ Zipping ]

And be polite

to his parents.

Okay. Great.

[ Exhales ]

[ Gong Clangs ]

Hey, come on in and

party hearty, dude persons.

[ Hiccups ]

[ Laughing Crazily ]

He's from out of town,

okay? But he speaks English,

right?

Don't be such faggots!

Man, shut up.

Kidding. Sorry.

[ Dong Continues Laughing ]

Think we're gonna die?

Definitely.

[ Tones Beeping ]

[ Ringing ]

[ Ringing Continues ]

Did you put the cat out?

We don't have a cat.

Come on, damn it.

Answer.

Mmm.

[ Sighs ]

Aw, eat me.

[ Click, Dial Tone ]

Who is it?

Well, what

did they want?

Sex.

"[ Loud Rock ]

[ Kids Chattering ]

[ Girl ]

Whoo.

[ Gasps ]

Geek!

[ Beer Cans Clattering ]

Very nice!

We're five minutes in...

I'm at a loss.

Real smooth, Cliff.

[ Growling ]

[ Gong Clangs ]

Ooh.

I've never been out

with a boy before.

Oh, me neither.

[ Ringing ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Caroline ]

Jake?

Where are you, Jake?

Jakey, have you

stopped loving me?

Leave me alone.

What? I'm sorry,

I don't do that.

Yes, you do.

I know.

Come on.

[ Caroline ]

Trace. You guys.

[ Giggling ]

Would you help me,

please?

Oh, sh*t!

Come on, you guys.

I'm your prom queen.

[ Laughing ]

Trace, you guys,

I'm serious.

Come on. I need help.

Okay.

I need help too.

What is the problem?

Several things.

[ Giggling ]

Okay. We'll help you.

[ Mumbling ]

Don't go away,

Caroline, baby.

[ Rings ]

Hello?

Hello?

Listen, I know

you're there. I can

hear you breathing.

Yes, hello, sir. Um...

Are you the little bugger

that's been calling up...

and then hanging up?

Would it be possible

to tell me if there

is a Samantha Baker there?

And if so, sir, may I

converse with her briefly?

Yes, it is.

And no, you may not.

Might I leave a message, sir?

He wants to leave

a message for Sam.

Here, give me that phone.

Now, you listen to me,

mister.

God did not put me

on this earth to be awakened

by filthy suggestions...

from a foul-mouthed hooligan

like you.

And as for our granddaughter,

I'm sure she has more

than enough sense...

to stay clear of the likes

of you!

Now, good night

and good-bye!

[ Dial Tone Humming ]

That was great.

[ Sighs ]

Sam's lucky she has us,

Howard.

Yeah.

Even if she doesn't

appreciate us.

Do you promise you

won't get mad?

No, I love you.

[ Laughing ]

Okay,

close your eyes.

Scalpel.

Scalpel.

[ Moans ]

Oooh!

My God.

[ Kids Clapping ]

[ Robin ]

That was wonderful!

Trace, I'm so proud

of you!

I don't know how

to thank you enough.

My pleasure.

[ Gong Clangs ]

[ Dong Exclaiming ]

[ Teen ]

My God.

Wow.

[ Girl ] I hope they have insurance.

[ Girl #2 ] The party's over.

[ Cans Clattering ]

[ Tape Squeaking,

Record Skipping ]

[ Mouthing Words ]

What a disaster.

[ Breathing Heavily ]

[ Muffled Moaning ]

[ Grunting ]

Jake!

[ Jim ] Sam.

Sweetheart?

Daddy?

Hi, kiddo.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Everything's fine.

I was just upstairs,

and I couldn't sleep.

I feel like a real jerk,

honey.

We forgot your birthday.

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