Sixteen Candles Page #4

She has smallish tits.

Decent voice.

Smells pretty good.

She drives me crazy.

Did she come here

with you?

No, no.

But if it's okay with my dad,

she's goin' home with me.

Excuse me.

[ Girls Giggling ]

[ Girl #1 ]

Do you guys want

to blow off this dance?

- [ Caroline ] Yes.

- [ Girl #1 ] I am bored

to the brink of insanity.

- [ Girl #2 ] And go where?

- Jake's parent's aren't home.

We can do his house.

- How's it goin'?

- Fine.

[ Caroline ]

Let's party light. Jake's paranoid

about his house getting trashed.

[ Girl #1 ]

Again!

' One single moment

The hours I spend '

' Investigating '

"[ Continues, Indistinct ]

[ Thud ]

Oof.

Okay.

All right.

Just tryin' to get

a little bit of water.

Yeah.

~~ [ Rock ]

Yes, I'm back.

So I smell.

It's my shaving cream.

You wanna feel

a real clean, close shave?

I'll pass.

Couldn't find

anyone else to bug, huh?

Come on.

You know you're the one

I want to bug, huh?

This is my friend, Randy.

And that's Jimmy Montrose.

Howdy, dude.

This is Farmer Fred.

Ted.

Oh, I'm sorry. This is Farmer Ted.

I'm not really a farmer.

I'm a freshman.

Geek, can I be

honest with you?

Not if you're gonna

insult me.

Okay.

[ All Laughing ]

Shoot.

Get the hell outta here.

Nice! Nice manners, babe!

She's totally serious,

ass-wipe.

Chill.

You wanna split

with me? L...

I don't know.

You know, my mom,

I can't handle this.

She tells me, "You want somethin',

you gotta ask for it."

I mean, I'm not

the kinda guy...

It's embarrassing for me.

I don't know. I just...

It's just...

[ Chuckles ]

[ Footsteps Approaching ]

[ Crashing, Rattling ]

[ Rattling Continues ]

I'm really sorry

about what happened

in the gym.

L-I had no idea

you couldn't dance.

[ Metal Clattering ]

What a decent

night, huh?

It's my birthday.

[ Imitating Guitar ]

~ You say it's your birthday ~

~ It's my birthday too ~~

~~ [ Imitating Guitar ]

Don't do that, okay?

~ Hey, Jude ~~

Just stop it, okay?

I mean, it's really been

a shitty birthday for me.

No offense, but I don't need

a serenade right how.

What's wrong? You didn't

get anything good, or...

I didn't get sh*t.

Not even a "happy birthday."

My whole family

just sort of blew it off.

I'd freak if my family

forgot my birthday.

It's a brand-new year.

I'm 16. Everything

should be platinum.

I should be happy, right? Right?

Yeah.

Well, I can't get happy.

It is physically impossible

for me to get happy.

Would you feel better if you

knew one of my secrets, or...

Don't gross me out.

No, we're not talking

gross here.

No. It's...

It's just embarrassing.

[ Exhaling ] This information

cannot leave this room, okay?

It would devastate

my reputation as a dude.

No problem.

[ Clears Throat ]

I've never bagged a babe.

I'm not a stud.

[ Giggling ]

I got the rep

in sixth grade.

And it, like,

it stuck with me.

I'm still on hold.

Look, I'd appreciate

you not laughing here, okay?

[ Laughing ]

I'm sorry.

That's not what I meant.

I meant...

Hey, time out,

junior.

[ Horn Honking ]

[ Exhales ]

Pardon me.

It's okay.

I meant that it's okay

that you did it once,

but I didn't mean

for you to do it again!

I'm sorry.

[ Sighing ]

Sorry.

You know,

just now I really felt

how much you like me.

You're probably zoning in

on my brain waves or something.

Well, not really.

I felt it on my leg.

Come on.

I don't want to see it!

Oh.

Sorry if I embarrassed you.

I'm not embarrassed.

Fresh breath's a priority in my life.

I don't want

to hurt your feelings,

'cause it's really human of you

to listen to my bullshit.

I care about it, really.

I mean...

I know I came on kinda like

a poozer on the bus tonight

and everything.

But that's just so

my friends won't think,

you know, I'm a jerk.

But they're all pretty much

jerks, though, aren't they?

Yeah, but the thing is,

I'm kinda like the leader.

Kinda like the king

of the dipshits.

Well, that's pretty cool.

Hey, but a lot can happen

over a year.

I mean, you could

come back next fall

as a completely normal person.

Yeah?

Sure.

Would it be totally

off the wall if...

if I asked if I could

have sex with you?

Yeah, well, you askin' me is not

as off the wall as why I won't.

- V.D.?

- [ Laughing ] No.

I'm sorta saving myself.

It's really stupid.

He doesn't even know I exist.

Who?

Who?

Jake Ryan.

You like Jake?

Ja...

Jake's my boy!

I just talked to Jake

in the gym.

He asked me

about you.

Did not!

He did too. He did!

He asked me what you were like.

Oh, my... Oh! If you're lying,

I'll beat the crap outta you.

I'm not lying.

Oh, my God!

What should I do?

Should I go up to him?

Should I say, "Hi, Jake,

I'm Samantha"? Maybe

I should let him come to me.

This is not my department.

But what if I let him

come to me, and he forgets?

What if he changes

his mind? Then I'm

totally screwed, right?

Apparently so.

[ Sighing ]

What would you do

if you were me?

I'm a gamblin' man

by nature.

And, um,

I'd go for it.

This is so strange.

But I think I will.

Oh, you're the best.

- Wait, um...

- What?

Do you know anything

about floppy disks?

We'll talk about this

on the bus, okay?

The thing is, I got a problem.

Floppy disks

are pretty expensive.

I made a bet

with my friends,

the... the dipshits.

Um,

I bet them

that I'd do it with you.

This was before I knew you. I can

get proof without getting physical.

How?

Can I borrow your underpants

for ten minutes?

[ Man On Stereo ] 'Hope you're feelin''

' Inside '

"[ Continues ]

I think it's time to blow this

thing off and go to your house.

Yeah?

I told Tracy and Robin

and those guys to come

to your parents' house, okay?

I told 'em

not to tell anybody.

God, I love it when

your parents are out of town,

I fantasize

that I'm your wife,

and we're the richest,

most popular adults in town.

I owe all my great weekends

to you.

What's your problem?

What?

You've been acting

weird all night.

Are you screwing around?

Me? Are you crazy?

I don't know, Jake.

I'm getting strange signals.

Well, they're

not comin' from me.

Everything's fine.

Don't have a cow.

Okay.

Just remember one thing.

I can name 20 guys

who'd kill to love me.

Is that a threat?

It's a fact,

Jake.

Come on. Before we get

in a big, wicked fight,

let's get outta here, huh?

Hi, Jake. I'm Samantha.

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