Skvernyy anekdot (A Bad Joke)

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Humanity.

Only humanity.

Humanity with subordinates serves as a

reminder that they are human beings also.

I must admit, Ivan Illich,

I still can't understand what

you are getting at.

You are extolling humanity.

Does it mean love of fellow men?

Let it be love of fellow men.

Love of fellow men has always been there.

But reforms cannot amount solely to it.

Different issues have arisen:

legal, economic, financial, moral ones.

And there is no end to those issues.

And all of it

together can engender significant,

I would say, unrest.

That is what we are worried about,

not just humanity.

The issue is much more profound.

I do understand.

But I daresay, Semyon Ivanovich,

that I will not fail to keep up with your

understanding of profoundness of things.

However,

I daresay, Stepan Nikiforovich,

that you too have not understood me.

I haven't?

Exactly.

Let's take a syllogism.

I'm humane,

therefore I'm loved.

I'm loved, therefore

I'm trusted.

I'm trusted, therefore I'm believed in.

I'm believed in, therefore...

What I mean is that reforms

will also be believed in.

They will be embraced,

their very essence will be grasped.

We can't take it.

What do you mean?

I mean,

we can't take it.

We can't take it, you say.

At least, I can be sure about myself.

We have been here for too long.

It's time to leave.

This ugly story

happened exactly at the moment

when began with such uncontrollable power

and with such touching naive impulse

the renewal of our beloved motherland

and its valiant sons' urge

towards new destiny

and new hopes.

Damn! Where is Trifon with my carraige?

Varlam,

have you seen the carriage

of His Excellency?

It was standing right there,

and the next moment it was gone.

What a git. He begged me

to allow him to go to some girl. Rascal.

Somewhere around here,

on Petersburg Side.

I strictly forbade him to leave.

And I bet that's where he has gone.

That's right, he's gone there,

but he promised to be back in time.

I had a feeling this would happen.

I'll show him.

Have him flogged a couple

of times in the barracks.

That will teach him to follow orders.

Don't worry, Semyon Ivanovich.

I can give you a lift if you want.

Good night.

Merci.

No, thanks.

I will show you.

Git.

I will go on foot to spite.

Then you will feel...

Then you will have, so to say,

guilty

conscience.

He will come back and discover

that his master had to go on foot.

What retrogrades they are,

those people.

We can't take it.

What did he mean by that?

The main thing is that

I'm deeply convinced -

if I'm humane, then the man

is mine, he is caught...

whatsitsname... in the net.

And then I can do with him

anything I want, I mean...

for his own good.

And this Semyon Ivanovich,

what an ugly mug he has!

No way!

Flog him yourself, I will not flog anyone.

I will punish

Trifon with word.

Then he will feel...

humanity...

Go away, beggar!

Listen, brother.

Whose house is it, brother?

Official Pseldonimov's, the registrar.

Pseldonimov?

Ah, that Pseldonimov!

Is he getting married?

He is, Your Excellency.

With titular counsellor's daughter.

Titular counsellor Mlekopetayev

served in the town council.

This house is a part of the bride's dowry.

So it's Pseldonimov's and not

Mlekopetayev's house now?

It is indeed, Your Excellency.

It was Mlekopetayev's.

Not it's Pseldonimov's.

I'm asking you, brother, because

I'm his superior.

I'm the general of the place he serves in.

Given present relationships

within the society,

for to me visit my subordinate would mean

defiance of the ideas, confusion.

Your Excellency!

Hello, my dear friend.

I was passing by and thought, "Why

don't I pay a visit to my subordinate?

Why don't I see how my officials

entertain themselves

and get married?"

It's an honour, Your Excellency.

Wish me something, Your Excellency.

Be happy, my child.

Bravo!

Maman.

Papa.

Staff captain, retired.

The nephew of His Highness.

Why has the music stopped?

I wouldn't like in the least

to interrupt the fun.

Carry on dancing.

Mr Mlekopetayev, the staff captain,

and I will look at you.

Music!

Well,

it's time for me to leave.

Your Excellency, don't go.

Business.

Business.

I will come back in nine months

to be a godfather.

He is strict as a boss,

but as a person he is an angel.

To His Excellency -

hurrah!

Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

What can be easier

and more elegant than such a deed.

For I will morally restore the humiliated,

I will return him to himself.

He will tell his children

about how the general himself

feasted

and even

drank at his wedding.

This is the crux of the matter,

Stepan Nikiforovich.

Yes, Your Excellency!

So we can't take it? We'll see.

What is it, Lord?

Nowadays, the dead

are sent by railway.

There are people whom it doesn't

suit to wear clean underwear.

I'm one of them.

Gentlemen! Gentlemen!

Gentlemen! Let's play!

I'm begging you,

let's play!

All their "female question"

is nothing but lack of originality.

The female question was invented by men.

He told me the day before

that I had complications.

And suddenly I realized.

How do you like it?

Gentlemen!

You have a distinct

disposition to hydrophobia.

Mesdames!

Messieurs!

Geneva lake gives you toothache.

It's such a quality.

His Excellency

has been called His Excellency

for only four months.

Renewing Russia winked at him

and beckoned.

His Excellency

liked to assume parliamentary postures,

and every now and then he dreamt about

monuments,

especially when his haemorrhoids

became acute.

Parasites!

Damn spongers!

Parasites!

Hello,

Pseldonimov,

do you recognize me?

Your

Excellency.

Exaclty.

I, brother, have got here completely by

accident, as you probably imagine yourself.

You will not banish me,

surely?

Whether you like it or not,

you have to receive the guest.

Have I interrupted something?

I can leave.

Your Excellency,

for goodness' sake,

it's an honour.

Have a seat, please.

Akim Petrovich Zubikov

served as a head of department

in the office of His Excellency.

It was a man meek as a chicken,

a man of the old school,

raised on the idea of servility.

To Pseldonimov's wedding

he was invited as a guest of distinction.

Please.

There's no need, for goodness' sake.

I'd better stand.

Do have a seat.

You needn't worry.

I will sit here.

Can you imagine?

I have just been to

Stepan Nikiforovich Nikiforov's.

You may have heard of him.

He is a privy councillor in the committee.

He is your neighbour now.

Anyway, I am walking,

and the night is so beautiful

and quiet.

And suddenly I hear

music

playing

and stomping of feet.

Dancing!

I inquire of a policeman.

It's Pseldonimov's wedding.

You, brother Pseldonimov,

give balls on a truly large scale.

What now? Is he a fool or something?

All I need here is a smile, and

everything would go like a dream.

So I think to myself, "Why don't

I pay a visit to my subordinate?"

He will not banish me, after all.

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