Slamma Jamma Page #9

---

Crowd, make some noise.

TV ANNOUNCER:
Wow. It looks like

Craig has a beef with Michael Diggs.

Yeah, your homies heard me, too.

TV ANNOUNCER:
Bootie

Josie from Kenya now up.

KENNY:
All the way from Kenya!

Between the legs over three people!

Whoo!

TV ANNOUNCER:
And the judges give him a 29.

KENNY:
Off the lob.

360!

TV ANNOUNCER:
And the Argentinean

hits it, but is it enough?

No! The judges rule him out.

KENNY:
In the first round he

went between the legs, 360.

What's he gonna do?

Over and...

Ah!

Whoo! Over the guy,

reverse dunk! Here we go!

TV ANNOUNCER:
Oh! And Frank

Frondheim is getting all 10s!

He's in the finals!

- That was nasty.

- Das ist gut!

So, uh, what are you gonna do?

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

I don't know.

Yo, I got an idea. Follow me. Follow me.

- Where did he get that shirt?

- I bought it for him.

Can you get me one?

It looks like Michael Diggs is

going to jump over a motorcycle.

KENNY:
This is a level 20.

- Is that possible?

- Oh, my gosh!

KENNY:
Over the person,

over the motorcycle! Oh!

- Michael did it!

- Oh, my God!

TV ANNOUNCER:
And Michael Diggs

advances to the final round.

KENNY:
Michael Diggs.

Give it up for him!

Round number two. Craig

Jackson. Let's go!

TV ANNOUNCER:
And this dunk could

advance Craig Jackson to the final round.

- Incredible dunk!

- Oh, my! What a dunk!

- KENNY:
360 windmill!

- What a dunk, baby!

- Baby! A winner's dunk!

- I love it!

- Gonna win this thing.

- I love it! All 10s, baby. Can't see me?

Now let's see what the judges give Craig.

TV ANNOUNCER:
Oh, my!

Jos gives Craig an 8!

Eight? Are you kidding me?

- Terrell! Do something!

- I got you. Hey.

- Keep your head in the game, baby.

- All right. All right. Okay.

- I got you, baby.

- Stop talkin' to me.

- Talk to 'em.

- I got you. I got you.

Hey, Jos. Come on, baby.

We go way back. We've always been good.

I'm gonna need you to

hook a brother up on this

and get that score up for me.

Man, that was a boring dunk. He gets an 8.

Hey, listen, I'm not askin' for something

and not be willing to give something.

Two tickets, floor seats,

Clipper game. And it's yours.

Man, who do you think you're talking to?

I'm Jos Canseco.

MVP. 4-time All-Star.

First player to hit 30 home runs

for four different ball clubs.

Beloved by millions of fans.

You actually think I would stoop so low

for two Clipper tickets?

You're right. Make it four.

You got a deal.

My man.

- Bam!

- CRAIG:
That's what I'm talkin' about.

Right back where we need to be!

- I knew you got it, baby.

- I got you, baby.

That's what's up, baby. That's what's up.

Oh, no! Jos just changed his score

from an 8 to a 10 for Craig Jackson!

What?

What is going on?

I changed my mind, okay?

Well, that's wrong!

- I mean...

- BOY:
Mr. Canseco. Mr. Canseco.

Why'd you change your

score? I looked up to you.

Welcome to the real world, kid.

Bill, who do you think will win?

Well, my favorite of

course, is still, the Jammer.

I mean, even over the German.

I mean, he's already won the

contest three years in a row,

and he just keeps

getting better and better.

BOB:
And what about the

crowd favorite Michael Diggs?

BILL:
Unfortunately, no.

He's too old,

and you saw he barely made

it to the second round.

I'm sorry, but his days are over.

Well, we will see.

We'll be right back after

this commercial break.

(CLEARS THROAT)

- JEROME:
Excuse me, sir.

- Yeah, what can I do for you?

I was wondering.

Have you ever played basketball before?

- Uh, me? No.

- Okay.

Then why do you criticize those that do?

I'm just wondering.

I'm sorry, who are you?

I'm a friend of Michael Diggs.

I just don't really appreciate

how you disrespected him like

that on national television.

I'm a sports critic. That's what we do.

Oh, a sports critic. Okay.

You seem like a guy who's never been picked

to play basketball. Am I right?

Excuse me?

I already told you that

I didn't play basketball.

Therefore, you couldn't pick me.

I wouldn't give you the chance

to reject me. You understand?

You can't reject me. How

dare you criticize me?

- Bill?

- Bill, we're on.

You come over here and tell me

that I can't criticize people?

See, I am a professional sports critic.

That's what I do. See, you don't understand

because you've never criticized anybody

- on a professional level like me.

- Bill... We're on...

Who do you think you are,

you little hoopster hood rat,

coming over here and messing with me?

Give me a break. Get outta here.

- Bill!

- What?

We're on national TV.

I... (CLEARS THROAT) was just

talking to my buddy over here.

We're good friends from way back.

I've never seen you before,

so obviously you're a liar

and a very awful critic, so good luck, pal.

LINDA:
Oh! (LAUGHS)

And now, here we are at the final round.

I wish you the best, man.

Man, why'd you do it?

When I was a kid, I used

to look up to you, man.

I used to watch you all the time.

We all make mistakes.

I ain't even tryin' to hear that, man.

I ain't trying to hear that.

KENNY:
All right. Here

we go. This is it.

Round number three. This

is the grand finale.

If he hits this dunk, he

may be crowned our champion.

Let's go. Make some noise!

TV ANNOUNCER:
Each contestant

gets one dunk in the final round.

Up now is Jammer.

- KENNY:
Can he do it?

- TV ANNOUNCER:
What dunk will he do?

Over the guy...

- Oh! And he's out.

- Oh, my gosh.

Jammer is out of the tournament!

Bill, what do you think of that?

Unbelievable. He was my favorite.

KENNY:
And that's it.

The Jammer's eliminated.

Make some noise for The Jammer!

TV ANNOUNCER:
All right. Incredible.

Three-time champion is

out of the competition!

All right. This is it.

Round number three.

This is the grand

finale, right here.

We got our man, the

German. Make some noise!

All right. This is it.

Frank Frondheim from

Germany, let's go!

(CROWD CHEERING)

- KENNY:
Yeah!

- TV ANNOUNCER:
And that might do it.

He may be our champion!

- The guy from Germany.

- KENNY:
360 through the legs! Whoo!

That was a nasty dunk.

Give it up for Frank Frondheim!

(CHEERING)

Wow! And the judges give him all 10s...

Except for one 9.

- TV ANNOUNCER:
And now Craig Jackson's up.

- KENNY:
Give it up, give it up.

TV ANNOUNCER:
He has one dunk to win it.

- KENNY:
Oh!

- TV ANNOUNCER:
And he's out!

Craig Jackson is out.

KENNY:
He tried.

Sorry, Craig. That's

a technical foul.

(INAUDIBLE)

All right, what are you gonna do?

Hey, you don't have to

do anything spectacular.

You just gotta dunk and you win.

BRANDON:
What you gonna do, man?

The impossible.

That's crazy. That's crazy.

BOB:
He is in a virtual tie

right now with Frank Frondheim,

unless he misses his final dunk.

KENNY:
All right, this

is it! Our grand finale!

Round number 3. Michael Diggs.

If he makes this dunk,

he is our million-dollar champion!

PASTOR SOUL:
You are Michael Diggs.

Or was I mistaken?

MICHAEL:
In another life.

PASTOR SOUL:
No. You

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes