Slap Shot Page #4

We started playing with one another.

We were drunk, as usual.

The next week we did it sober,

and it was terrific.

At the end of the day, I think about

women. I think about women's bodies.

Maybe it'll change, and

I'll wind up sleeping with old goalies.

Things being what they are, who knows?

When Hanrahan found out about it,

he went crazy.

He said if I was a dyke,

that made him a queer.

He started slapping me around.

I ended up in the hospital.

- Oh, Jesus.

- Yeah. I'm on the lam. I'm hiding out.

We play him next week, you know.

Oh, God. I'm so sick of those games.

They seem so childish.

The Chiefs are folding.

The mil"s closing,

and the economy and stuff.

I just found out about it tonight.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Christ.

A handsome man like you, Reggie?

It ain't easy. I don't see myself

in one of those bullshit nine-to-five jobs.

- Well, you could get traded.

- Suzanne, I ain't a rookie any more.

So far as the coaching goes,

you know, the Chiefs are...

Hey. Use your imagination.

It's what I've been doing.

Oh, look at me! Here I am,

a no-good runaway hockey wife.

A dyke.

Turn it off! I hate it! I hate it, I hate it!

- I don't wanna watch it!

- Don't touch that television!

Sorry about the Chiefs, Reg.

I'm doing a tribute to the team on Sunday.

"Chiefs Fold:
A Sad Commentary."

- Something along those lines.

- Dickie.

Something's afloat. This is on the QT,

but I think they're gonna sell us.

I can't name names, but let's just say

that there's a senior citizen's community

in a southern state

that's in the market for a hockey team.

- The Chiefs?

- Actually, it's Florida.

See, they're gettin' a bunch of old geezers

down there from the northeast.

And what do you think

those old geezers really miss in Florida?

I think there are

a lot of shysters in Florida.

Hockey. Their own team.

A Saturday-night game.

Those poor old people down there,

they gotta have something to root for.

- You're a p*ssy.

Daddy, he called me a p*ssy

and then he changed the station.

Don't bother your daddy now.

Work it out amongst yourselves.

Baby, baby, baby!

Now, let me get this straight. A retirement

community has bought the Chiefs?

- Oh, no. I said negotiating.

- Well, that's not much to go on, Reggie!

Dickie, Dickie,

they've already built the rink!

They've dumped a lot of capital into this.

What they're really lookin' for

is a cheap deal on a team.

And since we ain't exactly

the Boston Bruins...

How could anybody in his right mind

buy a fifth-place team?

That situation is gonna be changed,

I guarantee you.

Watch your wing!

Hey, Hanrahan!

Hanrahan!

Cover the point, goddamnit!

Come on, Mo! Give it to him.

It's along the boards! Nail him, nail him!

Hanrahan! Suzanne sucks p*ssy!

Get him outta there!

Watch it behind the net!

Hey, Hanrahan! She's a dyke!

I know! I know!

Come on! Pick it up, take it out!

She's a lesbian! A lesbian!

- A lesbian!

- Son of a b*tch!

You're nuts, Hanrahan!

He wouldn't dare

pull anything like that on Johnny.

That's it. That's all.

- Hold it. That's all.

- What the f*** you talkin' about?

- You're out.

- Son of a b*tch!

Jesus Christ!

Good job, guys. That's the way.

Two points, that's it.

My allergy to those f***ing fans,

you know, has returned.

That ends the longest losing streak ever.

- What did he say to Hanrahan?

- Two points, eh?

Hey, Reg! Reg! What did you say to him?

- I told him his wife was a dyke.

- No!

- Yeah!

- F***!

Jesus Christ. No wonder he flipped his lid.

Anybody called my old lady a dyke,

I'd go f***in' bananas.

His wife is a dyke.

- Jesus Christ. Poor f***in' guy.

- Does that make him a fag?

F*** him. Hanrahan's an ape. I knew

it would piss the sh*t out of him.

She's a fantastic gal. I mean, fantastic!

I knew it'd drive him berserk.

You nailed him, Coach,

in the f***ing head.

- Right in his mind.

- He deserved it!

Yeah! Yeah!

That was wrestling sh*t. They didn't have

a backup goalie. It was a garbage goal.

No, no. You gotta twist them

and f*** with them.

It was a garbage win.

Hey! Hey, Lily!

Lil! Where you goin'?

Hey, Lily!

Hey, Lily.

Hey!

Lil!

Jesus, Lily, there've been three rapes

and two murders in this park in one year.

- I didn't do it.

- We're gonna freeze to death.

If you leave,

you won't have that problem, will ya?

- What's the story on that dog?

- What?

What's the story on that dog?

That's the dog that saved

Charlestown from the 1938 flood.

Well, f*** him.

He's just gonna shock her

with his views on life.

You know, if you were

to come up to my apartment,

I'd fix you a hot drink, rub your back,

and we could find a good game on TV.

Great.

I'd even fix you something to eat,

tell you some stories, and...

Well, by the time pneumonia set in,

you'd be sound asleep.

Well, see you around.

You know, he's... he's been so kind to me.

He comes in every day.

He really doesn't wanna rush

yourprogress right now.

I think I'll invite him

out to the summerhouse tonight,

so that we can talk about you more.

I wish I could

put my arms around you.

When you get out

ofthisjacket, you can.

- Hi, guys.

- Hi, Coach.

Reg.

I sold your car.

- My 260Z?

- Yes.

But that was my car.

Alex, don't you remember?.

When you had the amnesia,

you gave me power ofattorney.

I'd forgotten.

- That c*nt is no good.

- Nice talk.

I've boxed up everything.

She do that to make him crazy

so he don't know what he doing.

Cynthia Pierce is having

an affair with Carl Barton.

- She's lyin' to him.

- Oh, Alex. Alex.

You mustn't be weak.

I don't believe this. I don't friggin'

believe this! Hey, you guys, listen.

"Chiefs Sought

By Florida Retirement Community."

- Oh, come on, Dave.

- No, Johnny, it's right here.

Hey, JG, Jimmy, come over here.

Listen to this.

"Unidentified but reliable sources

have informed the Times Herald

that a St Petersburg, Florida

retirement community is negotiating

with the Charlestown Hockey Corporation

for the purchase of the Chiefs."

It's right there, Reg. Look at that. Yeah!

Dickie Dunn wrote this.

It's gotta be true. Fantastic!

- Florida.

- What sucker would buy the Chiefs?

Jealous there, big guy?

Your mother shoulda bought you skates!

Cut off my balls, I'll be skating in Florida

- We're gonna miss you.

- Here's to the sap that'd buy the Chiefs.

Hell, here's to the Sunshine State!

Here's to all that gorgeous snatch in FLA.

Yeah!

- What's wrong, Reg?

- Huh? Oh, nothing.

You got an expression

of sadness on your face.

- I guess this is my last season.

- No, it's not. We're being bought.

At my age, you gotta think about retiring.

I know all the other teams laugh at me.

- That's not true.

- They do. I hear 'em, every game.

They're just saying that to get you upset.

It doesn't mean anything.

Thanks, kid. Maybe you're right.

Drouin, open your f***ing eyes!

Tough news, Barclay. Sorry.

What f***in' news?

Minnesota dropped you. Yeah,

it's in Hockey News. I'll save it for you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes