Slash

---

The pleasure gardens

of Milliarcha V

made it the Jewel of the inner

rim for over five centuries.

It took nearly 48 hours

for everything to change.

A great alien evil had enslaved

the once peaceful planet.

For the high council,

there was only one option.

Vanguard, the infamous

mercenary was dispatched

to face the entity responsible,

the Kragon, the Duke of Raggidi,

the butcher of Barsa,

destroyer of worlds.

Vanguard's orders were simple.

Eliminate.

Time for school.

I know.

He crashed hard. Vanguard nearly

broke the slave girl's fall.

She was straddling him now.

Face to face.

Seems I didn't leave

this world early enough.

The air is still breathable.

Just the same.

Neither gained much ground.

They were almost evenly matched.

We are almost evenly matched.

Almost?

I was weaned on the psychedelic

gasses of Raggidi prime.

I see their effect

on humans is not unusual.

It would be a shame to waste

so worthy an adversary.

The Raggidi also find the gas

to have a pleasing effect.

Vanguard peered into

the evil lord's eyes,

then back to the slave girl.

Then those eyes.

Then the girl.

Then the eyes.

And then the girl.

Then the...

It all happened so fast.

A flash of bodies, limbs, flesh

pressing together.

Their hunger knew no bounds.

Suddenly all the atrocities,

the murderous tyrant

had ever committed

were nothing more

than an afterthought.

Lust was the only thing

on vanguard's mind.

Lust was all that mattered now.

- A toast.

It's my good fortune

to have a good fortune.

And I bring it all to you,

most honorable heads of houses,

Prentiss and Hollycotton.

And of course, your highly

eligible daughters,

one of whom I soon

intend to wed.

- He knew it was wrong.

- -Cheers.

But why did it feel so right?

In the throes of passion,

vanguard was quickly reminded

of the debacle

at the high council.

And with it,

his previous conquest.

- What's that?

- Nothing.

If it's nothing,

why do you care?

It wouldn't even make sense.

Really? Are you saying I'm dumb?

No, there's just...

There's no context.

Neil, is that a diary?

I don't know.

Neil won't let me see it.

- Let me see that.

- Hey!

Senator Zaxa

approached vanguard,

his eyes set on the soldier

of fortune's engorged...

Pelvic region?

Mother of f***!

We should burn it.

We don't burn books, Jessie.

F***ing disgusting.

Many taxonomic groups don't

actually have separate sexes,

so hermaphroditism

is a normal thing.

Now what Edward is handing out

represents the sequential

hermaphrodite.

In this case, the slipper snail.

It begins its life as a male.

But if the female

population dwindles,

then the largest

male in the group

will spontaneously

switch genders.

I will pull your face off.

Oh, I'm shaking.

All right.

Stand.

- You wrote this?

- F*** no.

Julia, out.

Now.

Okay, who's the budding

d.H. Lawrence here?

Mr. Shafer.

Let's chat after class.

Where's mom?

She's at her book club thingy.

What book are they reading?

- What? -At mom's book

club, what book?

Are you autistic?

Who cares?

Dad doesn't want to think

about her stupid book club.

- She's exploring interests.

- F*** that.

Maybe she's with an attorney.

Your mother is not

with an attorney.

We're just figuring

stuff out, okay?

- Like how to get divorced?

- -Uh!

What do you even know

about divorce

in the first place?

You wanna start some sh*t?

- Whoa, what is that?

- Neil got caught with porno

and now he has

to see a counselor.

Porno?

Like porno porno?

I didn't have porno, idiot.

Really?

Because, oh,

it says right here...

Lemme... lemme see that.

Oh, Jesus.

I knew it was a bad idea

to go there alone.

But my tire was low,

and I couldn't make it back.

The gas station was closed

and the lights were off,

but the air compressor

still took my change.

As I pumped new life

into the flaccid tire,

I heard a voice behind me.

He was older, probably in his

40s, by the sound of him.

But I didn't dare

turn around to check.

He pressed the pistol hard

against my lower back.

Pushing, pushing it

through my sweater

until it bruised my flesh.

He told me to get down

on all fours,

- like a dog. -Thank you,

Julia, that is enough.

- I'm not finished.

- Oh, you're finished.

- Have a seat.

- I have three pages left.

This wasn't the assignment.

Well, you assigned

a confessional.

This didn't happen to you.

- How do you know?

- Come on.

What?

It could have.

- Not likely.

Mr. snow, this is

a narrative writing class

and I wrote a narrative.

It is not your place

to condemn my subject.

But it absolutely is my place to

condemn inappropriate material.

How the hell can you

call this inappropriate?

You're not even

qualified to judge.

You're a man.

So are you.

All right, okay,

we're done here.

I need to see the principal.

Are you going to get him?

Sign in and sit down.

Eww. Pohl?

Is that "starchild?"

Yeah.

Pohl's only halfway okay

when he collaborates

with other writers.

Did you ever read

"the space merchants?"

Mm-hmm.

It's pretty good.

I think this one

kinda sucks though.

I have something for you.

I didn't know you wrote.

Oh, i... this...

- I didn't mean for...

- I liked it.

Are you in trouble?

Yeah, I have to see a counselor.

Yeah, well, I'm here for enacting

my first amendment rights.

I wrote an erotic fable.

Well, it was more of a parable.

It's a bit more grounded

than yours, but...

You get the idea.

What?

Do you write other

stories, like, um...

Like erotic literature?

Mm-hmm.

All the time.

- It's all online.

- Really? Where?

A riddle.

Eat me, drink me.

Well, good luck, young JUVIE.

Wait, you're leaving?

Where are they?

I don't think you're

supposed to smoke.

My mom smoked when

she was pregnant with me.

I don't think that's...

It's not like a myth.

It's a circulation thing.

No, it's fine.

We get it, sh*t ass!

All right, where to?

The mall!

His was the way of the warrior.

Crass. Uneducated.

But strong.

His abilities would

prove useless

in the enchanted forest.

Where the ancient

inhabitants dwelled

and recesses of one's own mind.

The hunter pushed forth unaware

fain had been watching him

from the moment he entered.

Neil!

It's Neil, right?

Are you watching me?

No.

Well, yeah.

No, i... I was

just curious.

- About? -What we talked

about the other day.

We talked the other day?

Sorry.

Neil.

God, come back.

I'm f***ing with you.

- Um.

- It's cool.

I write slash, too.

Yeah, I know.

I read your stuff.

All of it.

Your fan fic is amazing.

I see you got my code.

I do like what you did

with the forest guard

in "midnight come lately."

They're really

under utilized in canon.

Yeah, they're

conceptually awesome,

but I feel like nobody gets it.

It's like they're

begging us to fix 'em.

You're doing what

they wished they could do

if they didn't have

to answer to the publisher.

Yeah, exactly. Mainstream

success is for chumps.

You know, like, the wood spirit,

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