Slash Page #2

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and pagan gods and ritual magic?

It's really...

Sexual? Yeah.

It's so rich.

Organized religion

just totally nut clipped

everything that was great

about traditional

fertility rituals.

I mean, that's the only

part about fame

that I even give a sh*t about.

It's just a jumping off point.

It's funny that they think

it's kid's stuff,

but, like, there's

all this subtext.

I know.

I bet we're the only two kids

in this entire joint

that know about

what we know about.

It's kind of special.

You wanna ditch?

School?

No, I mean, you wanna

dig a ditch?

- Let's go.

- Oh, i... I can't

I have a test in social

studies next period.

It's on the Incas.

Well, it's not like

a midterm or anything,

so um yeah.

I let Martine

take my car to work,

so we have to walk.

But it's just the mall.

Martine's crazy.

I mean, she's pretty

much best friend,

she's just sort of a b*tch.

Is that... is that

the pregnant girl?

"At frontier's rim?"

I hate these things.

They never get the book right.

Well, I guess I'm lucky

that fain hasn't made

the leap to the big screen yet.

Just it pisses me off that

whenever I see vanguard in my head

- that guy... -Well, he's

not your character.

I mean, that's why

it's called fan fic.

- Yeah, but.

- You seen it yet?

Like five times.

God damn it.

She's not getting off work

until like 6.

Okay, I don't have anything

better to do.

Will it be...

Smell like...

Will my parents be able to tell?

You don't have to.

It's cool.

No, I mean, I want to, but...

Thank you.

Uh! Shut your door.

- Put your seat down.

- Why?

What, are you ashamed

to be seen with me?

I don't know. I just... I

don't want to get into it.

There's too much backstory.

Mike Holloway drove his truck

through my mom's marigolds

when I was ten.

Then he gave her the finger.

I am so stoned.

Heads up,

knob-goblin!

Uh!

Hey, wake up! Let's go. Move.

Move to the back.

Move it!

- Go to the back.

- Okay.

Ow! I'm pregnant, b*tch!

You know, your arm's

not pregnant, moron.

Jesus, I thought that was Mike.

You're really tearing

through them these days.

Are you kidding me?

Hi.

I just don't get

what you guys are doing

for an hour and a half

in the parking lot.

Were you like

blowing each other?

We were talking about writing.

Whoa! Wait, you write

that sh*t, too?

I should have known.

Who do you have f***ing?

Harry Potter?

Thomas the train engine?

I just gotta know whose

fictional dick

is going in whose

made-up mouth.

You can't even read.

Yeah, I can read.

I read all the time.

I read actual books for adults.

- Not baby books.

- Okay, name one.

"Wuthering heights," ass blood.

- The Bronte sisters wrote fan fic.

- What?

The Bronte sisters.

Emily Bronte,

of "Wuthering heights,"

wrote erotic fan fiction.

They're like pioneers.

Wow. It's really good

Mike isn't here to find out

that you're still

such a f***ing geeeeeek!

Dude, you know weed

stays in your system

for like two weeks.

On your clothes, on your jacket.

Leave him alone.

Hey, tomorrow, 2:00.

Let's meet in the courtyard.

We can drive around.

Bye.

Belzac and Deron Zaxa

had been fighting for hours.

Sweat tinged the air

of the war chamber.

That was the first thing

vanguard noticed as he entered.

The bulge in his leather pants

jumped to attention...

Erect member out of...

Suddenly, Belzac reentered...

His mouth, usually only

engaged in ordering

soldiers to their deaths,

now found its true purpose.

We will not stand for this.

If the trade union continues

to block us at every turn...

Block you?

Block you.

Your armada destroyed

the last...

- twelve. -Twelve

shipments of illinium

- sent to Parak Menom.

- Only 12?

Now 13.

It's an embargo.

A legal embargo.

Odd definition

of the word legal.

- Actually... -oh, so that's

why you brought your...

Muscle?

You have nothing to fear

from us, Deron Zaxa.

You or your muscle.

I will not be mocked

aboard my own ship.

Hired ship.

It's his freighter.

What do I pay you for?

Move!

Whatever he pays you,

we'll double it.

Allow us to show you

what we'll pay you for.

I don't have all day.

Yes, sir, very busy.

You have a lunch at...

Christ!

God!

Zaxa's hand reached down...

Down to his zipper.

The ambient humidity in the room

reached a level that set off

the climate klaxon.

But Zaxa couldn't...

Or wouldn't... stop.

Hey, Neil.

God I sucked today.

You were really good.

That accent is,

it's out of control.

I think it's funny

when you do it like that.

It's supposed to be

a comedy, right?

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

See, that's why I like you, man.

You always make me feel better.

So you get like touched

inappropriately by the doctor?

No, he just puts goo

all over your belly.

- It's not a big deal.

- Yeah.

You have no clue

how big a speculum is.

It's like three adult d*cks

glued together.

Sounds like me though.

Hey, snoop dog!

Come here!

- Well, who's this?

- Julia's new boyfriend.

- Jealous?

- For real?

What's up, bro?

I'm Mike.

Ow.

I'm Neil.

- Well, I guess I owe you one, Neil.

- You do?

Yeah, for taking little miss

elf quest off my hands.

She has been up my hole

like 24-7.

Hey, fetus.

So long, kiddies,

let's ride around.

Better not leak

on my seats, Martine.

I don't leak.

It all stays in me.

For like another two months.

Gross.

Hey, I wanna tell you

about something.

There's a con

in Houston coming up.

Like a comic con?

Yes, like a comic con.

A big one.

The rabbit's hole is hosting

a private mixer.

- It's invite only.

- Oh, yeah.

- I think I heard of that.

- Well, I got invited.

Really?

Cool.

Yeah, there's a live read, too.

I mean, that's only

for rock stars,

so, I don't wanna

be presumptuous or whatever,

but I think they might ask me.

You can still get invited. You just

need to upload your damn work.

Yeah, but... don't you

have to be 18?

You're joking, right?

I don't even know

if my stuff is...

- I don't know!

- Come on, it's good.

You barely even read any.

Well, it's gotta be good.

I mean, you're so repressed.

That sh*t has gotta

come out somehow.

Drop us off at Neil's house!

Oh, man, I thought

you were joking.

Exactly how I imagined it.

I guess it's pretty drab.

My mom's been kind of away.

Moment of truth.

Crack her open.

Julia, I didn't really mean for

these to be seen by anybody.

Yes, you did. Otherwise you

wouldn't have written them.

I can't watch.

- I thought you couldn't watch.

- Sorry.

Oh, my god.

Do these girls actually

wear space bikinis?

It's ceremonial.

They were given...

It's not my idea.

Well, I just like that there's

actual girls in here.

Wow, you are one twisted f***.

I love it.

- Ooh, prepare to be analized!

- It's not a toy.

It's not a toy.

That's so weird.

- It looks like a toy.

- You're gonna break it.

- That's crazy.

- Whoa!

Say your space prayers, sucka.

Am I interrupting?

Don't you knock?

Um, dad is working late.

There's food in the fridge.

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