Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland Page #2

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some crazy a**hole

named Angela Baker

to thank for it.

- Just sign here, please.

- Okay.

And that.

Hold it.

I need to see some ID.

No offense, but it looks like

you've been through a lot

in 17 years.

I have.

Well, I hope you have a

nice time here, Maria.

Thank you.

Welcome.

Alright, everybody,

now pay attention.

Pay attention.

When you hear

your name called,

I want you to then stand

next to your counselor.

Okay, my group is A-Rad,

Bobby, Riff, and Cindy.

Let's meet over here.

And Herman's group is Peter,

Jan, Maria and Snowboy.

Right over here.

- Maria? Are you Maria?

- Oh.

Alright.

Barney's group is Marsha,

Tony, Anita and Greg.

Right over there.

Alright, everybody.

I know that in the

next three days

we'll get to know each

other much better.

When we all get

together again,

I promise it

won't be the same.

- Let's go.

- There's spray paint on my map.

- He spray painted your map?

- Yes.

Well, at least he didn't

graffiti the tree, dear.

Okay? Let's go.

Come on!

Come on, come on.

We're here.

Home sweet home.

Just put everything down...

and rest.

God, we finally made it.

Oh, it's not that bad.

Back home we've got

hills like this all over.

So do we, the Hollywood Hills.

Right, Tony?

I guess.

Who's hungry?

- I am. I am

- I am.

Good, let's cook something

before we set up camp.

I know we're supposed to

catch fish, and we will.

Maybe tomorrow.

But I thought you guys would

like a little something special.

I know I'm bending the

rules a little bit, but...

- Whoa, hey!

- Hey, wieners!

You can break the rules.

You're a cop.

Look.

I'm doing it now because

when I had a chance to

do it with my own son, I didn't.

How old is he?

My son would

have been 18.

He was murdered

here last year.

God, I'm sorry.

You didn't know.

Hey, look, uh...

I'm sorry for giving

you a hard time.

It's alright.

I'm used to it.

I'm a cop, remember?

Yeah.

Where'd you learn

to chop wood like that?

I've never chopped

it before,

but I've chopped

other things.

Let me know when you

want these sticks, Mr. Miranda.

Any time now, sweet pea.

And call me Herman.

- Where's Snowboy?

- I don't know.

Snowboy!

Yeah, what?

Time to go fishing.

What a dildo.

- Do we have to?

- We gotta eat, don't we?

I hate fish.

That's no way to talk,

sweet pea.

You guys go get a couple

poles and some bait

and I'll meet you down

by the lake in a few minutes.

Okay.

Sweet pea.

Come on out,

sweet pea.

Daddy won't make

you go fishing

if you don't want to,

sweet pea.

Hey, you know,

this is kind of fun.

Yeah.

Kind of stupid,

if you ask me.

I think I caught something.

- Oh.

- Where'd that thing come from?

Storm must have

washed it up.

- Lot of trash in this lake.

- What day is it, anyway?

- It's Saturday.

- Yeah, the 14th.

Here.

I'll do it.

You get used to it

after a while.

- It's kind of fun.

- Trip out!

Herman should

be here by now.

I wonder what's

taking him so long.

He's trying to get into

that rich skank's pants.

That's disgusting.

I wouldn't mind having

a piece of her myself.

No!

Come here, dude,

let me try.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- We've got company.

- Oh, sh*t.

Maria.

Maria,

give me a chance!

My old lady don't

give me no more

of nothing no more.

Herman!

Herman, come back in here.

What are you doing?

Good thing you're dead,

because in a couple years

your breasts would have been

sagging something terrible.

Hey, when are Herman

and Janet coming back?

Not for a long time.

But before he left he said

we should go to be early.

We've got a

big day tomorrow.

- You brat.

- Screw off.

Snowboy, would you

help me with the fish?

- I'm busy.

- Doing what?

I'm making art.

Trip out on this.

That's my tent.

Bombs away!

I warned you.

Party all night!

Teenage wasteland!

Why did I think this year

would be any different?

That was the best burger

I have ever eaten.

- Sounds like it.

- Mine, too.

- Thanks for cooking, Tony.

- Yeah, thanks Tony.

No problem.

Well, I've got to

go to the latrine.

Nothing against your

burgers, Tony.

Tony, why don't

you go with her?

- No, I'll be alright.

- Maybe so.

But I don't want

you going by yourself.

Go ahead.

Fine.

God.

Tony's escort service.

Can you believe that

about Barney's son?

- God, I know.

- God.

If I had known all that

had happened,

I would never

have come here.

- Would you have?

- No way.

This place gives

me the creeps.

Yeah.

But I'm glad to

be out of L.A.

Hey, did you hear that?

- What?

- Something in the woods.

No.

Now come on.

Give me the flashlight.

Hey, who the hell's out there?

Who is it?

Who is it?

What do you want?

Stop it.

Batter up.

I'm not very active

in the morning

until I've had my coffee.

Is it almost done?

Riff. Riff.

Riff, please turn

the music down.

You scared the

sh*t out of me.

Sorry.

It's an old habit.

What are you

doing here?

I'm supposed to switch with

someone from this group.

Herman said so.

He wasn't supposed to...

He's always screwing up.

So who's like, the shithead

you're supposed

to switch with?

You.

That's f***ing great.

Hey, how old

are you, anyway?

- Seventeen.

- Oh. You look older.

I know.

When I was young,

our town's water supply

didn't have any fluoride.

Hey, how come there's

only two tents?

The other one

got sort of wrecked.

It was pretty wild

here last night.

- Alright.

- That tent's yours.

I think Peter and Snowboy

are in there right now.

Anybody home?

There's no one in here.

You b*tch!

That hurt.

Don't you ever...

You're a Gemini,

and a Cancer...

Aries.

I'm a Libra.

Now that we know each

other's signs... Maria!

Come join us.

I call this our

sharing and caring time.

For instance,

what's your favorite movie?

- E.T.

- That's nice.

Bobby, what's yours?

I like movies that make

America look great.

Like...

Like Rambo Part 3.

Great film.

Cindy, what's your

favorite movie?

Oh, I don't know.

Ones with really

good acting,

like Gone with the Wind,

or The Carebears.

How about it, Riff?

Ones with tits and blood.

Well...

What I want

to know is why

we have to keep listening

to these stupid rap tapes.

I mean, who likes

that stuff anymore?

- F*** you.

- Riff, now--

I mean, rap is a hell

of a lot better

than that country sh*t.

I never said

I liked country.

I'd rather see that than a bunch

of darkies who can't sing.

- B*tch.

- Riff.

You dirty n*gger.

Riff, stop it!

Stop it right now!

Stop it right now or I will

call Officer Whitmore.

Shame on you, Cindy.

So... Maria.

What's your favorite color?

- Blood-red.

- Hey, me too.

- Really?

- Yeah!

Oh, sharing.

That's nice.

He scared that raccoon

half to death.

It was so funny.

Come on, Tony.

Scream again,

we want to hear it, come on.

This white girl keeps

giving me a hard time.

- You poor baby.

- I hate to ask this,

but whatever happened

to Angela Baker?

Nobody knows.

There've been no pictures of

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