Sleeping with Other People Page #10

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have a separate jail for cool

people who f***ed up?

There's just one big

old jail for everyone.

Jake. What happened.

- Well... I ran into

our old college buddy,

Matthew Sobvechik.

Baby, what did you do?

Well.. I um...

I sort of beat he

sh*t out of him.

F***ed up his life a little bit.

Why did you do that?

I um...

Well I just, um...

I just really miss you.

Yeah, I think about

you like, all the time.

Even the word "Think" is wrong,

because I don't

actively do anything.

You're just here.

Look, I didn't think

I'd remember you.

I thought that I would

forget about all of it.

And I didn't...

You know, I just-I know

we're no good at this sh*t.

And that's why we agreed

to stop seeing each other.

So we wouldn't f*** it up.

But...

But I want you to come back.

I need you to...

Because ahh,

Because I'd

rather fail with you,

than win with anyone else.

Hello?

Lainey? Are you still there?

Just keep talking.

I love hearing your voice.

I love hearing you say my name.

You do? Lainey!

Jake. Jake.

Lainey!

I love you so much.

I love you.

Lainey. Lainey. Lainey.

I love you.

I love you so much!

I love you!

I love you, Jake!

I love you! Lainey! Lainey!

What are you doing?!

F***ing take it.

Okay honey, you're on speaker

phone in a police station.

Be very careful what you say.

Hello, police.

I love you. Don't-

don't hurt any more people.

Easy! Easy! Watch it.

Back off. Back off.

Elaine! Elaine! Elaine!

I love you!

I love you!

Yes? Yes.

I will communicate the message.

Mr. Sobvechik will

not be joining us.

We will have to postpone.

- Come on.

This is the third time.

- My client has a newborn

he has to spend time with.

- We have made a generous

offer to settle this lawsuit.

Your client is clearly

dragging this thing out.

- My office will be in

touch to reschedule.

- I forgot that Pinkerton

was an alias of yours.

- You never caught

that reference.

Madame Butterfly.

Just because I don't

applaud your intellect

doesn't mean I don't notice it.

Matthew.

- I need you to swear

that you didn't plan this.

I didn't plan this.

Jake's offering you a lot of

money to settle this emotional

distress lawsuit so...

Just take it.

- Or what? Are you

threatening me?

I don't need to threaten you.

Let me guess. I drop it,

or you tell Emma

we slept together.

I'd tell her what I know.

Which is what.

- I know that you stop

breathing when you kiss.

That when you lean

in to whisper,

you put your lips right up

against the back of my earlobe.

You kiss the back of my

neck before you slip my coat

over my shoulders.

I remember every compliment

you ever gave me.

Everything you ever

did to me in bed.

And the day you made me yours.

The day you said: Elaine, I wish

I could have known you when you

were a little girl.

So that I could've been...

Could've been your true love.

I remember too, you know.

- Would any of it sound

familiar to Emma?

Some. Yes.

- I don't think she needs to

know that things she holds close

to her heart were

rehearsed on someone else.

Goodbye, Mathew.

- So is he going to

drop the charges?

Am I allowed to leave the state?

He will. You may.

- Good, because I booked us

a flight back to Michigan

at 10am tomorrow morning.

- Great.

I have a final at three.

- Excellent. I'll help you

study. I'll make flashcards.

So no honeymoon?

Oh no, no.

There's going to be a honeymoon.

I got us the penthouse

suite down at the plaza

right down the road here.

Nice!

- But first I've got to take you

downtown and make an honest

woman out of you.

- Rings?

Sh*t...

Kidding. Xander's got them.

- I can't believe that we lost

our virginity to each other and

saved ourselves for marriage.

That's pretty great.

- Yeah, I'm proud

of us. Nicely done.

- But it's not like

we haven't done it.

Of course.

I know what it looks like.

Yeah, yeah. It's been a while.

But I know what your

situation is down there.

Oh really?

How's my situation?

You kidding?

It's perfect.

Oh well...

I'm pretty much a

dream come true.

Mousetrap...

Do we really have to...

No, we don't.

Safe word to code

word, I guess...

We should probably...

- Let's go f*** first, then

we'll meet them down there.

- We gotta do it now, yeah.

But we got to do it quick.

Call Xander, tell him

we're gonna be late.

- Absolutely... How long shall I

tell him we're going to be?

A couple of hours.

Really? Luck guy, aren't I.

- Yeah, and then we'll

still go and get married.

- Absolutely. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I forgot something.

What?

That.

Yeah.

Better, right?

So we got twenty blocks.

- Why didn't we

just take the bus?

Oh that's a good point.

Should we get on the bus?

I wonder if we can find that

route where we first did it.

Oh, you're such a romantic.

Yeah, yeah...

I love you.

I love you too.

Yeah. we'll be here.

Okay, have fun I dunno.

Okay, bye.

Um they're going to be here

in like ninety minutes.

When have you ever had

sex for ninety minutes?

With you?

With anybody.

You have not had sex

for ninety minutes?

- I have had actual

intercourse for ninety minutes.

- I bet their counting

foreplay and stuff.

No well, maybe they are.

- Frankly, I'd be shocked

if they made it at all.

I bet this sex thing is a ruse.

For what?

They're having trouble.

Cold feet.

Second thoughts.

Second thoughts?

They literally just

got back together.

- I know, but now they have to

have this whole sex thing.

I don't know...

- First of all, we had

sex at the last minute,

right before we got married.

I don't think that's true.

Really?

You don't remember

someone sneaking into

my room right before?

Who? Who? I'll murder him!

Text us if you're

going to do this.

We'll be there.

I've got the rings.

The whole deal,

so just ahh...

- We're gonna go have

sex for nine minutes.

- Yes, we're gonna go have

sex for nine minutes.

- Now I'm super happy

with four to six.

- Four to six minutes

or four to six inches?

Both.

- I can get to like

six and a quarter.

I'll show you right

now. It is so cold.

I can't get hard right now.

Just show me.

I can't get hard right now!

Alright.

I want to though.

Here...

- If they're gonna

be ninety minutes.

Will this help?

- Yeah, oh That's

doing something...

There's a kid looking at me.

The kid's locked eyes with me.

Hey. We made it work.

12 years!

Who would have thought.

Don't say twelve years...

I bet my brother seven

and I would be out.

I had to give

him 5000 dollars.

What?!

- Yeah. 5 years ago I

gave him 5000 dollars.

Remember, you were so mad.

Yeah!

- Yeah. I paid him that

because I lasted longer.

- You said you got

into a car accident.

It's weird to look

at you for this long.

What do you mean?

I never look at you.

Get a good gander.

What are you doing? Don't dance.

Don't dance, please.

I don't like it.

What are you... Don't

grind up on me, weirdo.

There's not even music.

Really?

There's music in my body.

- Okay, now

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