Sleeping with Other People Page #9

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- Cum inside me.

I want you to cum now.

- Cum!

- Okay.

...Oh f***!

Oh Lainey...

Oh Lainey...

Oh sh*t...

Who's Lainey?

Um...

It's a long story.

You want to tell me about it?

Yes...

I just tried calling you.

My phone died.

So. How was your day?

Swell.

Want to come up?

It's over.

He didn't choose me.

You never told him to

make a choice, you know.

How was Paula?

That was a mess.

She nice to you?

Yes.

Good.

What's up?

Are we in love with each other?

What are we gonna do about it?

What do you want to do?

Nothing.

There's nothing to do.

I love you for free, Lainey.

I love you for free, Jake.

I guess I can't talk you into

a road trip to Ann Arbor?

Tempting.

Tempting, but no.

Paula and I are taking

Oliver upstate tomorrow.

Do you want me to grab

the rest of the boxes?

Kara and George are

shipping it to me on Monday.

- Cool. Alright.

- I'm good.

You got it all figured out.

Alright, well last chance to

ditch med school and run away

with me. Come on,

what do you say? Let's go.

You just sneak in here,

I'll drive. Bounce around.

- You know. Unfortunately

I don't sleep with men

in relationships anymore.

This new crazy thing.

- Gotcha. No that's okay.

That's okay.

I stopped cheating anyway.

Bad timing.

What happened to us?

We're getting a

chance to start over.

That's true.

Just in time if you ask me.

Oh yes. Yeah. Before things

got really bad. And weird.

Alright, well.

Goodbye forever.

Goodbye forever.

Again.

Up top. There you go.

Thank you, Jake.

For what?

For teaching me how

to love someone.

Anytime.

I'll get this for you -

you've got to close this.

Yep.

It would be kinda cool though

if you could just hang onto the

back. Eddie Murphy at the

beginning of Beverly Hills Cop?

Remember that? Cigarette truck -

never mind.

Alright. Drive safe.

- Go.

- Bye.

Go be a hot shot.

Hi babe, it's me. Um...

I hope the goodbye went well.

Oliver and I are on our way.

Okay, see you soon.

Nice job, Oliver. You're

a whirling dervish out there.

- A whirling dervish!

- You got this, Henry.

- There you go, Henry.

Right through.

How's that feel, blue?

How's that feel, blue?

- Yeah, little legs

but they move fast.

Get it. Get it. Reverse it.

Reverse it. Yeah!

- Yes! Nice pass, man.

- Get off me!

Sorry, I'm just a

passionate fan man.

I'm sorry, go play soccer, what

are you doing talking to me?

- What are you doing?

- What?

You're embarrassing the kid.

They kid's having a great game,

you're embarrassing...

Come on, Henry!

Come on, Henry!

- That's better?

- How's that feel, blue?

How's that feel, blue?

My love is conditional.

When we were kids, we had like

orange slices after a game.

Thank you.

That's like four hundred

dollars worth of frozen yogurt.

All the toppings...

- She just said it's every

topping. Every flavor.

Hey, what's up dude?

Is it okay if I go over

Henry's to go swimming?

It's cool with me.

Is it cool with you?

At my house? You're going

to go swimming at my house?

Yes, I am.

- Let me think about it.

- What do you say?

Alright. I'll allow it.

- You sure you don't

want to come to brunch?

Me and your mom?

We're gonna have some eggs

Benedict and some frittatas.

- Yeah, because that's

what kids want to do.

They don't want to go swimming.

They want to go to brunch.

Thanks, Jake.

There you go.

- You have really

changed, my friend.

- Yes.

- I have to say I don't mind it.

I don't know what that whole

thing was with Lainey but it

really turned you around

in the right direction.

How's she doing?

- Lainey?

- Yeah.

I don't know.

We haven't talked in a while.

Look at her, passing

out toppings like...

She's just like a dealer.

- What?

- You're mad?

- No.

- You're happy. You're both?

- You're crazy.

- Are you mappy? You're mappy?

- I'm just going to

say you're mappy.

- Have you thought this through?

- It's a birthday gift.

- I can't go to France.

I can't get off work.

- Do what you want, because I'm

pretty sure there's going to be

a very nice suite in a five

star hotel just waiting for you.

But you're right. It's a bad

idea. Maybe you shouldn't go.

But I've got to find someone now

with your exact name that can go

to Europe and use that room.

Anybody here named Paula?

- Ssshhtt!!

You're crazy.

- Settle up, people.

No. Not at all.

I think this is a great idea.

- When did you get this good?

I spent a long time being bad.

What?

I'm sorry, I just-

I know this guy from somewhere.

- With the glasses?

- I can't put my finger on it.

- From work?

- No...

Neighbour?

No, I-I feel like

he had longer hair.

Maybe he's an actor?

Maybe I knew him at Colum...

Columbia...

You know what -

you mind if I run over there

just to see if it's him?

- Okay, baby.

- Be right back.

Sobvechik?

Yeah.

- Oh, you're pregnant!

- Oh my god!

Jake! Jake!

- Who are you, you

f***ing a**hole!

Sorry. Sorry.

- Jake!

Somebody do something.

- That's for my girl!

You sh*t!

F*** you!

Get up! Come on.

- You f***ing boring

piece of sh*t!

F***ing tourist.

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Matthew, my water broke...

Honey!

We need a doctor.

- I'm a doctor!

I'm her doctor! Hold on.

Hold on. Hold on.

I am her husband.

That is my wife and

that is my baby.

And this motherf***er

I don't even know!

Let's go!

What are you doing?!

Jake, you f***ing maniac!

That's my husband!

Oh my God, Oh my God,

No! No! No!

No! No!

Matthew! Hey! Hey!

He didn't do anything.

We were just having brunch and

then this f***er comes out of

nowhere and decks him!

The Henley wearing

bullshit motherf***er!

Oh my god, this isn't happening.

I need a tissue...

Hey...

- They're going to

book you for assault.

What? Why?

Sorry. Bad joke.

- So you're going to need

someone to bail you out.

Oh, come on. Paula...

I don't need a hardball.

My girl?

What?

Michael, Who's your girl?

- Well I can explain

that, it's just...

Who's your girl, Jake?

- I was... that guy's a f***ing

a**hole who was really shitty

to a good friend of mine.

You can't even say it.

You can't even look at

me and just say her name.

I don't even...

Give me the courtesy.

- What are you talking-

I haven't even spoken to her

since she left.

I didn't do anything

wrong here, okay?

You've been playing house.

I let my son fall

in love with you...

Oh come on, that is not true.

- You've been lying

this whole time.

I have not lied!

I would not lie to you.

To him. Okay?

I wasn't trying to hurt you.

Wow, you really, you really...

Really what?

- Two different

people, my friend.

Oh come on. I am not, okay?

- But you're gonna

figure it out.

- Figure what-

what are you doing?

You're just going to go?

Okay. Great...

Great. Okay.

Great!

Wonderful.

F***ing...

Who wants more wine?

I'll take some.

Great.

Hello?

Hey, baby.

Jake?

- Yeah. Yeah. yeah.

How are you doing?

I'm fine.

Where are you calling me from?

- Hey, did you know they don't

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