Sleeping with Other People Page #8

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That's different.

- Why?

- Because I'm going inside them.

You're talking about someone

inside you, that's just - Duh.

- Stop.

- Grody.

This is the Bieder

contract that has to go

to legal for comments.

Knock knock.

Hey, you got a minute?

Ehm... I mean...

a real minute?

A New York minute, I

dunno, yeah a real minute.

Sixty seconds. Sure.

Okay. Ehm...

What was the other

thing - oh yeah,

buzz me for the three o' clock.

And that's it.

- Okay.

- Yeah, don't f*** that up.

You got to let

them have it.

Hey, will you sign

this for me please?

Well I have to know

what it is first.

Oh. It's a nullification

of my contract.

It says I resign and forfeit any

vesting stock options to Xander.

And why would you do that?

Right, no. because I want

to go on a date with you.

Silly.

If you can just sign the

back here - three places.

You can use my pen if you like.

And you can see I've

executed my half, so...

You stand to make over

five million dollars in

the next two years.

No sh*t? Wow...

That's great.

But I mean I never really

factor money into making my

decision making. But it

doesn't change what I'm doing.

I appreciate the hardball,

but obviously I can't take a

request like this seriously.

But he seriousness of my request

is reflected in the hardball.

So I don't-I don't

know what to do here.

Okay. I'll go on

one date with you if you

answer a question truthfully.

Get the spanks.

I love it. Yeah.

I answer all questions

truthfully, but fire away.

What on earth makes you think

I'm worth five million dollars?

What makes you think you're not?

Get out of here.

Get back to work.

- I'm on break.

- So take this...

- I'm on break.

- ...and get out of my office.

Okay.

Alright. To be continued.

TTFN.

You know... I mean...

Ta ta for now.

My ex has my son this weekend.

And I know a place

with cheap tequila.

We should go there.

That sounds great.

Can you keep your mouth shut?

Yeah - I mean, not

once we get there.

Tequila makes me so chatty.

In a good way I think.

- You mean out here?

- Yes, just mouth shut, please.

- Not going to say a peep.

- Get out of here!

Back to work, you!

Yes!

There you are.

Hey, thanks for coming Lainey.

Partners always have to

do these bullshit events.

I hope your heels are

comfortable, because you're

going to be standing and talking

to boring people all night.

I'm having a great time.

Thank you for inviting me.

And these shoes

are so comfortable.

Elaine?

- Hi, Matthew.

- Good to see you.

- This is Chris.

- Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, Matthew.

- Matthew and I were at

Columbia around the same time.

Your name is Elaine?

Lainey is a nickname.

I didn't know that.

- Oh. Elaine. You've never

met my wife. Have you?

- I haven't.

- Let me introduce you. Emma?

Come here.

This is Elaine.

- It's so nice to meet you, Emma.

This is Chris.

- Hi.

- When are you due?

- October.

- Congratulations. Your first?

- Yes. It's a boy.

We're so excited.

Matthew will be delivering him.

- Oh. OBGYN?

- Yes. You?

- Partner over at

Garrison and Shingle.

- A man of the law.

- Yeah.

- I worked with you guys

when I was a mediator on

Thorpe V Bronwin.

- Sure.

Elaine, what is it that you do?

- I teach kindergarten.

- That's right.

I think I knew that.

Would you excuse me? I'm just

going to run to the ladies room.

Okay, can

I cut to the chase?

- I would love that. I love

cutting to chases. Do it.

- Okay, so you're a womanizer.

- Hey... How did you know that?

Everybody knows that.

The interns call

you Jump Back Jake.

I have a nickname?

A nickname.

That's how bad it is.

- It's not bad.

- Or that's how good it is!

Right. See, that's what I'm

saying. I mean, I assumed they

would speak about me but I

thought I would be more along

the lines of something like...

- Stellar Yelp reviews?

- Yeah. Stellar Yelp reviews.

- So can I ask...

Yeah, how do I stop you?

Were you a fat teenager?

Did you-no seriously, did you

not get along with your mother?

Do you just not like women?

Do you feel suffocated by

them as soon as you...

No, it's none of those things.

God, those are all bad.

No, I think it was...

I think it was because

I was a late bloomer.

Really? Me too.

That's amazing. No sh*t.

I mean, it's

different for women.

I waited until my wedding night.

Did you grow up in America?

Holy sh*t. I don't

think I've ever...

No, I've

never met anybody that actually

waited until their wedding day.

That's like Bobby

Fischer kind of scarcity.

Okay, well I grew up

very, very religiously.

What is your excuse?

Yeah, well my excuse.

I think it's...

I thought it was something

that should be special.

I think I literally sprouted

a vagina when I said that.

Check, please...

There's a Georgia O'Keeffe

painting in my pants

as we speak.

- There are worse things.

That's true. Pollock...

Woof.

Yeah, but that's why I...

yeah.

I mean, I had a bunch of friends

who had done it and it just,

I don't know, at some point I

realized it wasn't going to be

special and I just wanted

to get it over with,

and it hasn't been

special ever since.

So who was the girl?

Do you remember?

- Do you need to get that?

- Nope.

- Please.

- No. No. It's just a friend.

Well you can still

get the phone.

I don't want to get the phone.

It's just a friend.

It's no big deal.

- You call has been forwarded

to an automatic voice...

Are you one of

Matthew's patients?

No. I went to Columbia.

I'm surprised Matthew

hasn't mentioned you.

Well I haven't seen

him in a long time.

It shouldn't bother me but I

don't like meeting his patients.

It's so weird meeting someone

when your husband has seen

her... you know.

Of course.

Yeah, I'd feel the same way.

Lainey, everything okay?

Oh I got to go. Chris, I'm so

sorry I'm leaving. I'm sick.

Oh no, well let

me drive you home.

- No. Please...

- Is everything alright?

I'm just not feeling well.

Oh. You should take our driver.

Emma and I are going to stick

around for another hour or so.

But he can drop you off and

be back in twenty minutes. Easy.

You don't know where I live.

That's so nice. Are you sure?

Yes. She'll never get a cab out

at this hour. It's no trouble.

I'm really supposed to mingle a

bit, but if you want me to come-

It's fine.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Oh yeah, yeah. You're sick.

Feel better.

Bye, Chris.

Thank you so much for tonight.

It's no trouble.

Thank you.

So it's the black Town Car.

It's across the street...

I know what your car looks like.

I don't need it.

- I like your date.

He seems nice.

F*** you, Matt.

Why haven't you returned

any of my calls?

- I blocked your number.

- Why?

Because I'm not an a**hole.

Okay.

- No, no.

- What? What?

You're so greedy.

Nuh-uh.

- What? What

do you want me to do?

I want you to do nothing.

I want you to do exactly

what you don't normally do.

Okay?

Okay.

...F***.

- Can you cum?

- But you haven't.

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