Sleeping with Other People Page #2

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I know you love teaching,

but that's not a real thing.

I mean, this is great.

- Can you just please not

interrupt me while I read this,

please. Just listen to it.

Let me get through all of it.

- I don't think

interrupt you, but go on.

- Don't.

- I don't.

- Please don't interrupt.

- I would love to hear it.

- Okay, mister.

- Wow me.

- Sam...

- Lainey.

My therapist suggested I

attend a twelve step program,

for recovery from a love

addiction and romantic obsession

- I'm sorry um, hello...

Did you say love addiction?

And romantic obsession...

- Sweetie, you might

as well face it,

you're addicted to love.

Huey Lewis.

- No, it's Robert Palmer.

...that I've had for the last

ten years. As a result I have

been able to stay faithful to

you -for the past six months-

- Okay, let me just stop you

because... I feel like...

- Sam, I'm trying

to tell you something.

I know.

I would love to hear

what you're telling me.

Can you listen to what

I'm saying to you?

- I'm trying to...

Yeah, I'm listening.

I want to move forward in our

relationship in an honest way.

I know it. being honest-

honest, critical

appraisal is the foundation...

Sam, I cheated on you.

You cheated on me?

Baby...

how many times?

Sixteen...

I don't even know sixteen guys.

Sixteen guys?

No, the same guy.

Sixteen times.

- Who?

- It doesn't matter who.

- Tell me who. My brother?

- No.

- Was it my brother?

- No.

Was it my brother?

Stop! You know I'm not

interested in your brother.

Who's so f***ing hot?

How is better than my brother!

- I'm not going to tell you.

- I deserve to know.

- No.

- I deserve to know.

I've been getting his

second f***ing servings.

I've been tasting his sweat.

Whose juices have I tasted?

Gross...

- If I've been drinking his

juices I want to know who it is.

- I'm not going to

involve him in this and make

this worse for everyone.

You involved my brother when

you f***ed him sixteen times!

Who can tell what that

f***ing swarthy man...

What? Get out of here!

Get out of here! Please!

Why did you have to

do this in public,

were you trying to humiliate me?

Look it! Look it!

He's looking! I'm embarrassed.

You won! I'm humiliated.

I was sacred that

you would freak out.

Yeah, well you thought right.

Get ready for a

classic Sam freak out!

Sam, wait. I'm sorry. Please...

I'm sorry...

I want to make this work.

I'm trying to get better.

You can't get better, Lainey...

You're not an addict, okay.

You're just a whore.

You're a whore.

You're a f***ing whore.

Before I did this program,

I thought love was a feeling.

But that's bullshit.

It's not a feeling,

it's a decision.

Like everything else.

And I now see that when I was in

my addiction I made the decision

over and over again to choose

sex over my self-worth.

And it doesn't mean that

I don't like sex now,

it doesn't mean that

I'm not a sexual person. Gail.

I don't need to trolling online,

looking for women to go down on.

I don't need to f***

eight guys in one night!

I don't deny what I've done.

I embrace my past.

Yes, I did once call one

of my neighbors in the middle

of the day when he was at

work and said grab some condoms

and meet me at that

delicious soft pretzel place.

Who cares? I did let

someone put a protein bar

up my ass once.

Big deal.

I did hack into my supermarket's

Instagram account and posted a

picture of my a**hole and say

there was a sale on a**hole.

And then said come and lick

my a**hole if you're bald.

Of all the gin joints...

No way.

- Jake!

- Yes.

Oh my god.

Were you just in that meeting?

Oh yeah. sure was.

Uh -huh. I had to get out

of there though.

It was making me super horny.

Wow, it's been

what-twelve years?

I think it might

actually be longer, yeah.

You look good.

- So do you.

- Thank you.

Wow... the old virgin.

Don't you mean the

one that got away?

Stop...

No, the last thing I remember

we had that awesome night

together and

you just sort of...

Disappeared.

Plus you were all hung on that

guy that lived next door to me

the boring guy, Marcus...

- Matthew.

- That's right.

I hear he's a lady doctor now.

- Oh?

- Yeah.

Do you ever see him around,

I assume at doctor things?

- Aren't you a doctor now?

- Oh, I didn't do that.

I didn't end up

going to med school.

I teach now. Kids.

- Cool. Great.

- Kindergarten.

- Alright.

- You? What do you?

A buddy and I created this

CDN an we're selling it to

a digital media provider and -

you're bored already?

- No.

- You just asked me.

I know. I'm sorry. I have to...

Respond to that

booty text I assume, right?

Aw come on, Lainey.

I was watching you in there.

I saw you checking your

phone every five minutes.

All that tension

in your shoulders.

Legs crossed.

Playing with your hair.

- Why are you here?

- Hmm...

To pick up women?

No, no. Heavens no.

No not women. No.

Just you, evidently.

I'll see you around.

Hopefully not here.

Yeah.

Hey. I'm on Facebook.

...what a weird thing

to say out loud.

- I have one last question...

Come on. Come on.

When I sign this, what happens

to everything that Xander

and I worked on.

All the content we created.

We dissolve all

past and current product.

And you'll work

exclusively for us.

Yeah. Right?

Time to settle down.

But what if we have...

No! I will straight up

murder you if you do not

sign this immediately.

Xander, I'm

looking out for us.

You're looking out for us? No.

I'm looking out for us.

- You're being a dick.

- Here's the thing, guys.

I don't negotiate,

but my lawyers do.

So if you want to reopen the

terms of the contract that's

fine, I'm just going

to go grab some lunch.

Alright. Alright. Alright.

Okay.

You don't have to

go for lunch yet.

Okay...

Congrats, boys.

You have officially sold out.

F*** yes!

Oh my god!

I really thought you were

going to f*** this up.

- Me too.

- I really did.

He fucks everything in life up.

I have two beautiful

children, both are gonna

have ridiculously terrible

teeth; so you're getting braces,

you're getting braces,

you're getting braces!

Hey. You going to lunch?

Can I come with?

Dinner maybe?

How about brunch with my

folks, you'll love them.

You're smart, handsome and now

have stocks vesting until 2018,

you can go get

any woman you want.

Really? But I

would still choose you.

Why? Because I happened

to be in your eye-line?

Possibly because

you're uninterested.

Most likely because you're

stunning and successful.

- I'm divorced.

- His loss.

I have a kid.

I love kids. Kids love me.

I basically am a kid.

And I don't sleep

with my employees.

- I quit!

- Goodbye, Jacob.

Congrats.

- Thanks.

- Huh.

- What?

Paula's something else, huh?

Yeah. She really is.

She was vibing me pretty

hard in that meeting.

Well you're a married man.

Yeah, I know.

I made sure to tell her.

Because I didn't want

her to embarrass herself.

Yeah, that's good.

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