Slipstream Page #3

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on the old diner door

and keep out

Mr. Forest Ranger, Boo Boo?

- I sure did, Yogi.

- Smart little bear, Boo Boo.

Come on.

Now that we're all snug and cozy,

like... one, two, three, four,

five, six, seven little peas in a pod...

Speaking of pods reminds me:

You guys ever see

Invasion of the Body Snatchers?

Long time ago? Anyone?

No? Never saw it.

How 'bout that, Geek? They never saw

Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

That is so sad.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers!

For pete's sake, never saw that?

- It's a great movie.

- Kevin McCarthy was the star.

- And Dana Wynter.

- Oh, beautiful Dana...

What's with you people?

It's Geek's favorite movie.

We watch it every Thanksgiving.

And Fourth of July.

See, it stars Kevin McCarthy.

He was a big star

back in the '50s,

and I met him once

in New York a long time ago.

You never told me that, Geek.

Yeah, he gave me his autograph,

gave me a picture.

Lucky son of a gun.

He amazes and astonishes me,

my old pal.

You're a regular old sly boots,

aren't you?

Look at him.

He's blushing,

like "Aw, shucks" blushing.

My old pal, a real sly boots.

Anyway.

Where was I?

Body snatchers, these people

lived in giant pea pods, you see?

- Dinner's ready.

- The movie is about

these pod people

who invade us from outer space.

Right, these creatures,

these parasites,

'cause that's what they are.

Goddamn parasites.

These parasites take over the bodies

and souls of fellow travelers,

- good, decent people.

- Compassionate, caring, sharing,

like you and me.

Men, women,

piddling old grandpappies,

- decaffeinated pussies.

- You and me.

Decaffeinated pussies.

- Men and women...

- Uncle Ira mowing his lawn.

And all the Aunt Beas

from all the Mayberrys.

- Talk show hosts and anchormen...

- Geek.

Sorry, anchorpersons.

- He is so bad.

- Sorry, folks.

People like Larry King Live,

Barbara Walters, Diane Sawyer,

Dan Rather, Paula Zahn,

Katie Couric, Martha Stewart.

- Everyone from Oprah to...

- Donald Trump.

Fire!

They take over the bodies

and souls of people,

and you know what?

They become them.

First we had the Trekkies...

...now we have the Poddies...

and they run

the whole goddamn show.

- You want to know why?

- Why?

'Cause they are mainstream.

Mainstream.

That's not the real deal, right?

Better believe it, old son.

Mainstream. Gee whiz.

But Kevin is on to them.

Let us make no mistake.

Let it be understood.

Our Kevin is on to them.

Science, science...

Have no fear about Kevin.

Kevin is one smart cookie.

No flies on our Kevin.

Reporting for duty.

Yes...

What?

Don't forget about

the problem, Ray.

Problem?

He has to stay awake.

Right.

He has to stay awake.

That's his problem.

- Felix!

- Dinner's ready.

Once you fall asleep,

they get you!

- Parasites.

- Run, critters!

That's it, shazam,

pop goes the weasel.

- What?

- Pop goes the weasel.

It almost happens

to our Kevin.

Yeah, he's gotta stay awake.

You wanna know why?

Because they are mainstream, baby!

You've already done that bit.

- What?

- You've already done that bit.

Well, I'm doing it again, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay?!

If you're so smart, Boo Boo,

why don't you tell them?

Well, no, you tell them.

You tell it much better than I do.

It's so hot in here.

It's like a goddamn furnace.

The air conditioning

is broken, baby.

- What!

- She said the air conditioner is broken.

Why don't you go in there?

It's cooler.

Give us a break,

for pete's sake.

You were telling us

why Kevin has to stay awake.

Ever since he was an itsy-bitsy

little snot-nosed kid,

our Kevin had bought

the whole stupid fairy tale,

hook, line, sinker, and the grand piano,

you know what I mean?

Hello?

Suddenly he became

a grassroots goody two-shoes,

a noble champion of non-profit

advocacy organizations, etc., etc.

And why?

Because it made him feel

kind of cozy and mushy inside.

You know the feeling.

But sadly, Kevin, our hero,

had these core issues to deal with.

You've all heard about core issues?

Sure you have.

Kevin had tons of these things

all buzzing around inside him,

because secretly

he knew the truth.

He'd sort of cottoned on

to the big, fat Huckleberry Finn lie

that runs our world

and as a result,

he became bipolar,

had problems with rage

and so on and so forth.

Poor schmuck couldn't relate.

And that's awful.

Poor schmuck probably

should've married Dana Wynter.

- Yeah, right.

- Know what I mean?

Dana could've got him

through his stuff, you know,

got him to clean up

his side of the street, you know?

Hello?

She also had her own stuff

that kept coming up.

What time is it?

Let's make no mistake about that.

Let it be understood!

- Hey... that's my line.

- So?

You stomped all over

my train of thought,

you stupid son of a b*tch.

You stomped all over

my keynote speech.

This is supposed to be

my stupid keynote speech!

- I'll kill you!

- I'm sorry.

- Jesus Christ!

- What does he want from us?

- It's Bette?

- What do I want from you?

- Her name's Gina.

- How does he know our names?

- You write this sh*t, dude?

- I'm bipolar.

Oh, I'm bipolar. Are you bipolar?

I'm bipolar. I'm a schmuck.

I'm a schmuck,

and I'm bipolar.

- He was a...

- I'm Boo Boo. I'm bipolar.

He's also co-dependent.

I'm Boo Boo.

I'm the bipolar bear.

- Very funny.

- I'm the bipolar bear!

- Adult child of alcoholics.

- Stop this!

- Stop doing this!

- Would you shut the f*** up!

Cool it!

- This is boring.

- I'm hungry.

Hey, Matt, Matt, are you okay?

What do I say next?

"It's quite simple, really."

I know that. What comes next?

- Cut, cut.

- Cut. Let's cut.

Burt, come on, wake up!

Matt, you're killing us.

Okay, back to first positions,

everyone. Burt!

- Put on the air conditioning!

- What do I say next?

Boo Boo! I'm Boo Boo.

- Going down.

- Wait for the camera, folks.

- Matt. Matt just went down.

- What's going on?

- Shouldn't you get the...

- I have no idea...

He went down, huh?

I'm hungry.

Jesus, now what?

He's nuts.

Matt?

Grab his arms.

Actors.

Real nice!

Watch his head!

Oh, I can't feel my face!

Let's loosen his shirt. Breathe!

- Let's break for lunch.

- Give him air.

Break for lunch, everyone!

One hour, everyone.

You! You want my part.

I don't want your part.

Want some water?

I don't want any water!

- Let him breathe.

- You don't have to have water.

- Can we get Monica in here, please?

- Who's Monica?

- The production nurse.

- She's never here when you need her.

- I'll get her.

- Try craft service. She's usually there.

- All right.

- Thanks, Bonnie.

- I need an ice pack.

- Come on.

- Does it still hurt?

- Yeah. Sh*t, it still hurts.

Abby, I need you to get me

an ice pack for Gavin.

- I just gotta figure out where...

- Give him to me.

You can't work like this anymore.

You're driving everybody crazy.

- I know that.

- Come here.

Come here, Michael.

My good little...

How are you, sweetie?

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