Small Soldiers Page #6

You can't change programming.

Look. Another one.

I told you they were hiding.

It's what they do.

That's it. Come on, Christy.

Timmy, Marion, we're out of here.

Don't be a stranger, Phil.

Yes, we're with Heartland Play Systems,

Consumer Satisfaction.

Is Alan Abernathy here?

That's Alan, right there.

How you doing? We understand

you acquired some of our fine products.

There's a chance they might be...

...defective.

But there's no reason to think

they could do any harm.

- There's reasons.

- There is a problem with the Commandos.

What problem? Bear in mind, you will be

called into court to support your claim.

- Your toys nearly killed my son!

- Stuart...

Don't say calm down!

Calm was killing me.

And you! You owe my son an apology!

Hey, Larry. Look. It's Archer.

Greetings.

I am Archer. Who are you?

I'm Irwin. I designed you...

...and all the Gorgonites.

He's the creator.

You're all here.

Everyone has to be somewhere.

That's true. My mom used to...

Making declarative statements?

Formulating inquiries?

Lights out.

Something's going on out there.

That's weird.

There's a Heartland truck outside.

- More Commandos?

- A lot more.

Dad, come see this for yourself.

Chip?

Dead Chip? The Chip we killed?

Maybe we didn't kill him enough.

Oh, my.

Commandos, fall out!

Secure the left perimeter!

Secure the right perimeter! Move out!

Sir, yes, sir!

Assault formation. Go!

If war is hell, let's give them hell.

We didn't start this war,

but we're damn sure going to end it.

I'm scared.

It'll be all right. They're not after you.

They just want to kill

the little monster people.

That's right. We're just caught up

in some stupid game.

Well, game over.

Mr. Fimple, wait.

No, Alan.

Let him go.

Archer.

The Gorgonites must lose.

Hi!

I'm Phil Fimple.

I'm here to negotiate the surrender of the...

...Gorgonzolas.

Here's our proposal: Take them!

He's selling us out.

He's an Arnold Benedict.

Take them apart, steal their batteries,

whatever it is you...

...people do.

Is that my JVC?

There will be no surrender!

There will be no mercy!

All Gorgonite scum must die!

Bomb them all the way back to preschool.

Recon estimates

Gorgonite scum strength at 16!

Sixteen? Where did they get sixteen from?

Seven Gorgonites and nine people.

Well, you heard our proposal.

Phil, get in here! Hurry!

These negotiations are over!

We are the Commando Elite.

Everything else...

...is just a toy.

- What are they doing?

- Psychological warfare.

The Marines did this against Noriega.

Phil.

I love this song!

Fimple, turn that off!

Go, go!

Lock and load.

Nail them!

Open fire!

Get down!

Fimple.

Honey?

Stuart, Phil, barricade that window!

Alan, get back.

Get back!

Fire!

Wow.

Fire!

How are they...

Alan, put out the fires.

Nerds, side windows.

Marion, Timmy...

...the closet. Come on, come on. Hurry!

Just get in. Get down.

I have that coat.

Yes.

Frag 'em all!

I'll call the police!

Phil, Christy, push this back. Careful.

Fire!

Service.

Great balls of fire!

The phone's dead. Nice forehand, honey.

Incoming!

I'm hit!

More shells!

Take the house!

We have to stop them

before my wife gets tennis elbow.

An electromagnetic pulse would work.

That would fry the chips.

All we need now is a nuclear warhead.

I doubt I'll have one in the junk drawer.

Nuclear warhead?

The chips aren't shielded against an EMP.

A nuclear blast would wipe them out.

That's why the military never used them.

What kind of moron would put

military technology in toys?

That would be Gizmo over here.

Actually, any electrical device generates

a magnetic field, just not a big one.

We'll need a big one.

Fire in the hole!

Alan, the window.

"I don't know but I've been told

Gorgonite blood runs mighty cold."

No, Alan.

Way to stay heads up.

Continue artillery barrage!

Take cover! Stay low!

There's a power pole back there

with two huge transformers.

Could we use those to create

the electromagnetic whatever?

We could get them to explode.

That would fry their chips, for sure.

You could connect the transformers.

We just need to put something metal

between them.

You get a nice power boost.

Right up until they overload and blow up.

It only happened once!

That's it.

This should work.

Forget it. You're not going out there.

- There's no time!

- It's too dangerous.

We've only got one chance!

You are my responsibility and...

Dad, there's no other way!

You have to trust me.

Wait.

It's dark in here.

It's night, genius.

I mean, power has to be going through

the transformers for them to overload.

The power's on at my house

and we've tons of crap to turn on.

We have to wedge the breakers

open in your fuse box. Come on, Larry.

I hate you, Irwin.

We have met the enemy and he is you!

I love the smell of polyurethane

in the morning.

Oh, my God. Phil, in here, in here.

It's locked.

Up, up, up.

Balcony's closed.

Down, down, down.

Descend and destroy.

Let me in. Damn it! Fimple, you freak!

Let me in!

All quiet on the Western front yard!

Go and turn on every piece

of electronic equipment in your house.

This one's for Nick Nitro!

Mess around with my kid, huh?

A broomstick. I'm scared.

Get him!

First blood!

Stick this in your pipe and smoke it!

All right, Dad!

We roasted them!

There they are. Nail 'em!

Not good.

Hey, kid! Don't you like 9-inch nails?

I got hit. I'm okay.

Gorgonites, we must help Alan.

But if we fight, we will lose.

Last time we fought,

I woke up with AM/FM.

War is nuts.

I know what I'm talking about.

We shouldn't fight. We should hide.

If we hide, we will still lose.

No more hiding.

Nail them to the wall!

Gorgonites, fight!

Sanctuary! Sanctuary!

Strike!

Retreat!

Meet my wife, the old ball and chain.

I love working in the round.

I'm knocking 'em dead.

You don't like stand-up? Then sit down!

Thank you and good night,

ladies and germs.

How do you work this? Wrong way.

That's better.

Alan?

You should go now.

Archer, listen.

When that thing explodes,

you'll be fried, too.

Go.

Take that!

Watch your back.

Thanks, Dad.

I'm watching your back, Alan.

What are you packing, Tiny?

Packing? I'm packing you!

It's not a prank call. It's not.

No, wait. It is!

So you'll send some cops

to come and arrest me? Don't hang up!

Do you know what you're doing?

Yeah.

Die!

Ain't war hell?

Thanks for the lift, Punch-it.

Mayday! Mayday! I'm hit!

I'm going down! Ejecting!

Expect no mercy.

Having fun yet?

Let's have a round and a round

of applause for Archer...

...emissary of the Gorgonites. You're up!

Major Chip Hazard.

Gorgonite scum!

Leave Alan alone. Your fight is with me.

You've got a lot of guts.

Let's see what they look like.

They're wires and metal,

the same as yours.

We're nothing alike.

You are programmed to lose.

I'm also programmed to learn.

Too bad you never learned to win.

School's out, loser.

Victory is ours!

Have I got a shock for you.

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