Small Timers

[ FENCE RATTLES ]

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT, WAIT.

[ CELLPHONE BEEPS ]

HEY, BABY.

OH, HELL NO!

YEAH, DADDY WILL HOME

IN A FEW MOMENTS, BABY.

GET OFF THE PHONE.

YOU JUST BE A GOOD GIRL

AND LISTEN TO THE BABYSITTER.

WATCH OUT, MAN.

NO, NO, WE DO NOT THROW FORKS

AT PEOPLE.

PLAY NICE, GIRL.

Ricardo:
[ SHRIEKS ]

YO, CHRIS.

YEAH.

YOU SURE:

THIS IS THE RIGHT PLACE?

[ CLEARS THROAT ] Y-YEAH,

THIS IS THE ELECTRONIC WAREHOUSE

WELL,

WHY THEY PAINTING?

UH [CLEARS THROAT]

T-THEY PROBABLY RENOVATING

OR SOMETHING.

IN A WAREHOUSE?

[ CLATTERING ]

HEY, WHAT WAS THAT?

YOUR IMAGINATION.

DON'T START THAT.

GET OFF ME.

WHAT?

I THINK THAT'S IT.

WHERE?

RIGHT THERE.

MAN,

THAT'S WAY UP THERE, MAN.

HEY, RICARDO,

CHECK THE OTHER SIDE.

BY MYSELF?

NO,

WITH PIPPI LONGSTOCKINGS.

WHO?

GO ON, MAN.

COME ON.

[ BALLS RATTLING ]

BALLS?

[ GRUNTS ]

STICKS.

CANDY?

CANDY!

MMM,

I'M GONNA TAKE THIS.

YO, CHRIS!

Antoine!

I found some candy, man.

ZOMBIES!

[ SCREAMS ]

[ SHRIEKING ]

AW, HELL,

I KNOW WHAT THAT WAS. LETS GO!

[ SHRIEKS ]

ZOMBIES!

THEY GOT GUNS!

AAH!

NO! HE'S GOT ME! AAH!

[ Sobbing ]

HE'S EATING MY LEGS!

[ CRYING ]

[ GRUNTS ]

[ ALARM RINGING ]

HE'S EATING MY LEGS!

[ FARTS ]

AW, NO. NO! NO!

[ TIRES SCREECH ]

LETS GO!

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

I TOLD YOU:

TO STEAL A WHITE VAN!

MAN, I WASN'T GONNA

TO STEAL NO VAN.

I JUST RENTED ONE.

AND WHAT THEY HELL IS

THAT SMELL?!

Antoine:
"LATE WEDNESDAY NIGHT,

A GROUP OF BUNGLING BANDITS

"ATTEMPTED

TO ROB THE WAREHOUSE

"ON THE SOUTH SIDE

OF THE OLD WATERFRONT DISTRICT,

"ONLY TO HAVE

THEIR CAPER FOILED

"BY A 92-YEAR-OLD

SECURITY GUARD.

"THE WAREHOUSE, WHICH IS

"THE FIRST OF MANY RENOVATIONS

IN THE AREA,

"IS SCHEDULED TO OPEN

AS A CHUCK E. CHEESE FRANCHISE

EARLIER NEXT YEAR."

[ Muffled ]

CHUCK E. CHEESE?

DAWG, WE ON PAGE SIX,

NEXT TO THE COMICS.

YOU KNOW:

THEY DID THIS SH*T ON PURPOSE.

MEANWHILE, LOOK WHO GETS

PAGE ONE AGAIN.

WHO?

Chris:

"FEARLESS FREDDY STRIKES AGAIN."

OH, MAN,

WHAT DID HE STEAL THIS TIME?

DIAMONDS.

PASS ME:

THE WANT ADS, BROTHER.

I GOT TO FIND A JOB, MAN.

AND A DAY CARE, TOO.

I CAME HOME LAST NIGHT.

I HAD TO TAKE THE BABYSITTER

TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.

LOOK, MAN,

THE ANSWER'S NOT IN THAT PAPER.

WE GOT TO HOLD OU FOR THE BIG SCORE.

THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY,

MR. CAREER.

WHAT, THE BANK?

MAN, THAT'S ONE STEP ABOVE

PLANTATION WORK, BROTHER.

LOOK, MAN, TRUST ME.

WE CAN GET PAID.

PAID.

JUST GOT TO KNOW

WHERE TO LOOK FOR IT.

WE DON'T KNOW SH*T.

I CAN:

CALL THAT GUY AGAIN.

WHAT GUY?

MR. WHISPER.

THAT MAN IS NOT GONNA

PUT US ON A HEIS BECAUSE WE'RE AMATEURS.

NO, NO, NO.

GUYS LIKE MR. WHISPER ARE

ALWAYS LOOKING FOR CREWS

TO PULL DOWN JOBS.

DAWG,

ITS SUPPLY AND DEMAND.

WE JUST GOT TO CATCH HIM

AT THE RIGHT TIME.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

LOOK, MAN,

I HATE THE BANK.

RICARDO HATES:

THE PAWNSHOP.

ACTUALLY --

SHUT UP!

YOU GOT TO MAKE RENT NEXT MONTH,

RIGHT, BROTHER?

I MEAN,

WHAT'S A CALL GONNA HURT?

OR, HEY, YOU COULD, UH,

KEEP CIRCLING THOSE WANT ADS.

HEY, NEED A PEN?

THAT'S A GOOD ONE

RIGHT THERE.

DOOKIE SCRAPER.

$6.75 AN HOUR.

[ PIANO PLAYING

MID-TEMPO MUSIC ]

SO,

WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED TODAY?

YOLANDA, HAVE I NOT BEEN

GENEROUS TO YOU?

[ Crying ]

MR. RUSSO, PLEASE.

I CAN EXPLAIN.

YES, I HAVE,

AND YET YOU STILL HAD

THE AUDACITY:

TO SEAL FROM ME,

DIDN'T YOU?

I'M SO SORRY,

MR. RUSSO.

UNFORTUNATELY,

SORRY DOESN'T REPLACE

THE $20 YOU STOLE FROM ME,

NOW, DOES IT?

BUT, MR. RUSSO,

MY CHILDREN --

THEY NEEDED TO GO

TO THE HOSPITAL.

SILENCE!

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

NO ONE STEALS FROM ME,

YOLANDA.

UNFORTUNATELY,

YOU ARE...FIRED.

[ LAUGHING ]

NO!

NO!

I'M KIDDING.

YOU'RE NOT --

YOU'RE NOT FIRED.

[ LAUGHTER ]

KILL HER.

[ SCREAMS ]

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

WELL PLAYED,

MR. RUSSO.

[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]

MMM.

WORKIE TIME.

[ MUSIC STOPS ]

[ TELEPHONE BEEPING ]

OKAY, TELL ME AGAIN,

WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE IN HERE?

'CAUSE, MAN,

JALISSA WILL BE HOME ANY MINUTE.

SHE CAN'T KNOW

WHAT WE'RE DOING.

BUT WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE

IN THE SHOWER, MAN?

Soundproof.

ANTOINE,

YOU LOSING YOUR HAIR, MAN?

SHUT UP.

IT'S RINGING.

MR. WHISPER:
Yes?

MR WHISPER.

YOU MUST HAVE:

THE WRONG NUMBER.

OH RIGHT, RIGHT,

T-THE PASSWORD.

UM...

HUSH, LITTLE BABY

SHORT AND STOUT:

TO FETCH:

A PAIL OF WATER:

ALL THE KINGS HORSES

AND ALL THE KINGS MEN

HICKORY, DICKORY, DOCK

I'm listening.

YEAH, YEAH,

I-IT'S ANTOINE CALLING AGAIN.

UM...ME AND MY CREW WERE

JUST LOOKING TO,

YOU KNOW, PULL DOWN A JOB.

YOU GOT ANYTHING LINED UP?

LET ME GIVE YOU:

SOME ADVICE, ANTOINE.

WHEN THREE BLIND MICE SI A ON A TUFFET,

THE COW JUMPS:

OVER THE MOON.

[ Click ]

WHAT THE HELL:

DOES THAT MEAN?

IT'S A RIDDLE.

ITS NOT A RIDDLE, MAN.

HE'S BLOWING US OFF.

I TOLD YOU:

THIS WAS A WASTE OF TIME, MAN.

WHOA, WHOA, YOU GOT TO HAVE

A LITTLE FAITH, BROTHER.

I GOT TO HAVE A JOB,

MAN.

I CAN'T BE

CHASING PIPE DREAMS.

OH.

OH.

HEY, GUYS.

HEY, BABY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHAT YOU DOING HOME

SO EARLY?

I HAD:

A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMEN BABY, WE WAS --

I DON'T EVEN WAN TO KNOW.

BUT WHEN Y'ALL GET DONE

PLAYING,

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

IT'S IMPORTANT.

JALISSA, GIRL,

YOU LOOK GOOD.

MM, YEAH.

I AGREE.

GOT IT, SIR.

GOOD MORNING,

HONEY.

WHERE'S YOLANDA?

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

UH...VACATION.

SO, HOW'S MY LOVELY WIFE

THIS MORNING?

A LITTLE LONELY.

WELL,

DADDY HAS TO WORK HARD

TO BUY YOU ALL THE THINGS

YOU WANT, NOW, DOESN'T HE?

I KNOW.

WHY DON'T YOU AND ME

GO UPSTAIRS:

AND PLAY OURSELVES

A LITTLE GAME, YEAH?

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

MR. RUSSO'S ESTATE.

ONE MOMENT, PLEASE.

[ ZIPPER OPENS ]

[ CLEARS THROAT LOUDLY ]

THANK YOU, JEFFREY.

HELLO?

AH,

MR. FEARLESS FREDDY.

NOT NOW.

ONLY IN THE DARK.

YES, YOU ARE

A HARD MAN TO GET AHOLD OF.

YOU'RE QUITE THE LEGEND.

I'M SURPRISED THAT WE HAVEN' SPOKEN BEF-- OH! ...FORE.

NOW, TELL ME, MR. FREDDY,

WHAT DO YOU KNOW

ABOUT CAESAR'S PHALLUS?

CAESAR'S PHALLUS...

A UNIQUE ITEM INDEED.

IT WAS A GIF TO QUEEN VICTORIA

DURING THE LAST YEARS

OF HER REIGN.

CAN I TOUCH THIS?

PLEASE DO.

DAMN, THIS IS HEAVY.

OOH.

YES, YES, IT IS.

OH, BOY, THIS IS NICE.

BRING NEW MEANING TO,

"DIAMONDS ARE

A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND."

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL ITS ALMOST 3:00.

SO, HOW LONG IS THIS GONNA BE

IN SAN FRANCISCO?

OH, THERE'S BEEN

A CHANGE IN PLANS.

GENTLEMEN.

HERE'S YOUR PACKAGE.

YES.

NOW, EXERCISE GREAT CARE

OF THIS, WON'T YOU?

IN SOME CIRCLES,

THIS IS PRICELESS.

I THINK I'M GONNA GO

TAKE MY BREAK NOW

OH, MY.

OH, MY, MY, MY.

DID I HAVE THAT ERECTION

THE ENTIRE TIME?

[ SIMULATED GUNFIRE,

EXPLOSIONS ]

BOO-YAH, B*TCH!

HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW?

Antoine:

HOLD UP! HOLD UP!

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU BEEN PRACTICING.

YOU BEEN --

THAT'S GAME, BABY!

OH, OH, OH, OH.

OH, OH, OH.

YOUR BREATH STINK.

[ LAUGHS ]

[ SMOOCHES ]

NICE.

I DIDN'T WAN TO PLAY THAT GAME, NO WAY.

YOU'VE BEEN

PRACTICING THAT.

COME ON,

I DIDN'T BEAT YOU THAT BAD.

OH, NO, ITS NOT THAT.

BELIEVE ME.

THAT'S PROBABLY

THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY DAY.

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