Small Town Saturday Night Page #3

- I wasn't sneaking.

- Did you get my notice?

Yeah, I got it.

It's laying on the ground

right over there.

I'm going to pick up my paycheck.

Looks like you're gonna be hoofing it.

Well, I better have it

in my hot little hands

by this afternoon, buddy-boy,

or the missus is gonna be over.

And you do not want

her fat ass all over you.

You hear me?

Yeah, I f***in' heard you.

You hear me?

I said I'm gonna go get my paycheck,

then I'll square up with you.

You deaf idiot.

- He's a goddamn lying--

- Shut up!

You touch those kids again,

I will make you curse the day

your mother sh*t you out.

I don't understand.

Why is this so much to ask?

Because I already mowed

the friggin' lawn.

- No cussing.

- Phyllis, would you move?

And I need to fix the brakes on my Jeep

before my date tonight.

Couldn't I do it tomorrow?

I want you to help your father.

And then the two of you

could chit-chat a little bit.

- You can take the Oldsmobile--

- Phyllis.

No, I don't wanna take

the grocery-getter.

lt smells like Grandma.

John, would you talk to your boy?

Oh God.

Look, Les, just--

just go fix your truck.

Thanks, Dad!

We can clean out

the garage tomorrow.

Now will you move, Phyllis?

John, I want you to have

a serious talk with that boy.

This is a very nice girl

he's going out with tonight.

Well, I'm happy for him.

Now move.

Aren't you at all concerned...

Gotta work itself out, man.

You'll figure it out.

It's f***ing bullshit, man.

If it sucks, you'll come back

in six months.

But you gotta at least

f***in' try it, don't ya?

- I gotta f***in' call her, dude.

- You're not gonna call her.

Well, what the f***--

what am I supposed to do, Dwayne?

- She's gonna be at--

- What am I supposed to do?

We're leaving in two days

and she springs this sh*t on me now?

Maybe I...

Maybe I should just forget about it

and stay here, you know?

Are you f***ing crazy?

What are you gonna do, Rhett?

You gonna work at the mill

with me and Wade until--

My dad did it.

Listen, Rhett.

I would give anything

to be in your shoes.

And I wish I was going with you,

but I can't.

'Cause the day I held

my little girl in my arms

was the day I knew

what I was meant to do

for the rest of my life.

I miss my kids, man.

And believe it or not,

I actually miss my wife.

I know you love those girls, Rhett.

I know you wanna take them with you,

but Samantha's gotta do

what she's gotta do for her daughter.

I'm only gonna say this 'cause

I'm your best friend, but...

but you're not Megan's father.

- Got me a hot date tonight, boys.

- Dude.

- Yeah, right.

- I do.

You'll see.

I just don't wanna see you

give up on your dreams

because you're holding on

to the one thing that's letting you go.

Let's fix her up!

What's the problem with it?

- It's the brakes.

- 'Cause you ride them like a girl.

I don't know, man.

It's been...

it's just been real tough.

But, man, I...

I feel like I'd do you right, you know?

I mean, look, Jimmy, I...

I'm really trying to get my life

back on track, you know?

I prom--

You throw everybody's paycheck

on the floor like that?

Do you really think

you deserve this job...

Yeah.

...when there's a dozen

other guys out there

who actually show up

for work on time

and not half-drunk or not at all

because they're in jail again?

All right, listen.

I ain't got all day.

Am I getting my f***in' job back or not?

Not a chance in hell.

Hi. You've reached

Rhett and Samantha.

Please leave a message.

Hey, it's me.

You there?

Sam.

Look, I really...

I need to talk to you.

I'm sorry I overreacted, okay?

Will you please call me back?

I love you.

You know, life ain't always

gonna work out

like one of your happy

horseshit country songs.

Charlie Chicken-Plucker's here.

Hey, what'd I tell you about

working on your own damn car?

Better put them tools up.

And God damn, who made this mess?

Clean this up.

And where's the other

f***in' squeegee handle?

You got me, Chuck.

Well, it's missing, God damn it.

How are you gonna clean

a customer's window?

You gonna spit on it

and rub it with a newspaper

like a f***ing derelict?

I'm going to the bank.

You better find that other goddamn

squeegee handle

before I get back.

What's her name, molester?

We probably know her.

No, you don't.

She just moved here.

Yeah, come on, Leslie.

What's this hot chick's name?

Her name's Julie.

- Julie what?

- Yeah, what's her last name?

It's Portly.

Portly!

Yeah.

You like that?

You like that?

- Huh, Julie?

- No no, molester.

Flip over so I can pound

your Portly puss.

- That Portly p*ssy's so nice.

- Oh, yes yes.

- You're so magnificent.

- That's enough, Wade.

- Yeah, you flamer.

- What was that?

- Get out.

- It's too f***in' far to walk.

I don't give a f***.

Get outta the truck.

F*** you, you motherf***er.

- I said get out.

- You motherf***er.

Go suck your own f***in' dick!

You think you got something

worth sucking?

You got what you wanted.

God damn you brushhead

motherfucking dick.

I hate you, motherf***er!

- Can I help you, sir?

- Yeah.

Finally.

I wanna cash this.

Do you have your account number?

No.

- Can I see some ID?

- Yeah, sure.

Let me check.

Hot out there, huh?

I'm sorry, sir, but your account

is overdrawn $47 1.53.

No, that can't be right.

Sir, you need to stay

on that side of the counter.

Would you like to make a deposit?

I don't wanna make a deposit.

Sir, your account is overdrawn.

I can't cash this check.

You can make a deposit and bring

your balance up closer to zero.

I don't wanna make a deposit;

I wanna cash the thing.

Sir, I can't cash this check.

Well, then I wanna talk to your boss.

Sir, I can guarantee you he's going

to tell you the same thing.

- It's bank policy--

- I don't give a sh*t.

Get your goddamn boss.

Go!

I gotta go.

I'll call you later.

- Bye-bye.

- He wants to cash the check.

- I'll take care of it.

- F***in' people.

- Hello, sir.

- Hey.

That's-- that's wrong, by the way.

Yeah, sir, unfortunately

your account is overdrawn.

Yeah, I'm fully aware of that.

All I wanna do is cash

this motherfucking check.

How hard can that be?

Sir, do not use that language with me.

Well, kiss my ass.

How's that?

- Would you like to make a deposit, sir?

- No! F*** off!

F***in' place.

Hey, you know something?

I'm about to come

into a sh*t ton of money.

You f***in' idiots just lost

your best f***in' customer.

- F***.

- Hey, how does it feel to be out?

- What do you care?

- You don't look no worse for wear.

Yeah, well, you still look

like an old drunk to me.

I wasn't looking to get

into it with you, Donny.

Well, that's good

because you got too old

to kick my ass a long time ago.

Come on, you...

Just let her be.

- But it's killing me.

- I know, but-- but trust me.

You're just gonna keep

pushing her farther away, man.

- Go fish.

- Why?

- I just wanna know what she's thinking.

- Don't call her, dude.

- I'm not gonna call her.

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