Smiley

1

[ music playing ]

[ crickets chirping ]

[ screams ]

[ sarcastic laughter ]

I had to get

your attention somehow.

It's not funny.

Who you texting anyway,

your boyfriend?

Just work stuff.

Eww.

Hey.

You know, someday,

you're gonna have

to get a job, too.

Nah. I'll just

get married.

Hi.

[ giggles ]

Mare, come on.

No chatting.

Say goodbye to your friend.

He's not my friend.

I don't even know him.

[ giggles ]

Oh, no.

Is this that site

Where it just chooses

who you talk with?

Yeah, hideandgochat.

Yeah, you really

shouldn't be on this site.

It's for people

that do gross things

to other people.

People do other things.

Yeah, like what?

I don't know.

Be silly.

Make friends

all over the world.

You know,

you can even meet

a cute guy.

Heh. Really?

People use this

to find dates?

Yeah, a lot

of guys do it.

Hmm.

Some of them even do it

with their pants off.

Okay, see, that's why you

shouldn't be on this site.

It's way too sketch.

Totally.

I'm serious, though, mare.

You really

Shouldn't put yourself

out there like that.

What? Like someone's

gonna go smiley on me.

Who?

You know,

the urban legend,

Smiley.

No. Who's that?

You start a video chat

with somebody

Who you don't even know,

And you type in

"I did for the lulz"

three times.

And then

this guy with a knife

appears behind them.

And what?

They die.

Why do they

call him smiley?

Because he stitched

his eyes shut

And carved a smile

onto his face.

[ laughing ]

okay.

You need to stop

being creepy right now.

But it's fun!

That doesn't

even make sense,

'cause how can

one person, smiley,

Just show up behind people

all over the internet?

You'd be surprised.

I think that's

Just--[ screams ]

crazy!

What's crazy, daddy?

That you're still up. Go.

Go brush your teeth.

Go to bed, you,

before I get you.

I'm sorry

that I was late.

Um, would

a check be okay?

[ woman singing opera ]

[ opera music fades ]

Shush.

Hello?

[ opera music resumes ]

[ screaming ]

Wow. It's big.

Yeah.

Sure you're

gonna be okay here?

Mm-hmm.

You can still

stay at the college

If you like.

Dad.

Hmph.

Got everything

you need?

I think so.

Need some money?

Dad, you give me

plenty as it is.

I know, but I just want to

make sure that you're okay.

I promise, I'm fine.

I know.

But if you need

another year at home--

It won't be

like last time.

I'm ready

for this now.

Yeah, I know.

Look at you,

all grown-up.

You're sure you don't

want to be closer

to your classes?

Daddy, campus is

literally a block away.

You don't have

to worry so much.

Well, I'm a father.

I--it's part of my job.

Daddy.

Hey.

We're both

gonna be okay.

Okay?

Okay.

We got this.

I love you.

I love you back.

[ both laugh ]

Get in there.

Text me if you

need anything!

I think I'll just call.

Probably a good idea.

[ laughs ]

Proxy, this house

is so nice.

Thanks for picking me.

Hey.

Hey, I was just psyched

to meet someone normal

When my roommate bailed.

You know, it's weird.

There's so much online,

I kind of feel like

I already know you.

It's just so cool

that your parents

Bought this house

for you.

Um, my parents

bought it four years ago,

And they can't sell it,

so might as well

Have your daughter

live in it instead of

paying dorm fees, I guess.

Yeah, I really didn't

want to live in a dorm.

Yeah, they're small.

They're gross.

Dorm parties suck.

Speaking of which,

Um, I have a party

to get to.

Well, it's actually

kind of more of like

a little get-together.

Hey, I mean, you wouldn't--

You wouldn't want

to come with, would you?

Isn't it a school night?

Oh. Yeah, it's college.

[ laughs ] I can

do whatever I want.

[ chuckles ]

Yes, I accept

your invitation.

Lovely.

Is, like, everybody

at this party?

Mm, probably. But, um,

It's not exactly

a college party, though.

It's just across campus.

Oh. Is it

some friends of yours?

Wait. Am I

too dressed up?

No. No, no, no.

Don't worry.

You're cool.

I don't know all these

people either, so...

You don't?

Did you hear about

the party or something?

Wait. Do you think

we can get in?

Is it safe?

No!

Look,

I know them, okay?

I just haven't

met them in person.

This guy from /b/

invited la people

To his house

for a meet-up.

What's bee?

You know,

the /b/ board on 4chan.

Is that like

an asian dating site?

What?!

Oh, my god, that sounded

totally racist.

Oh, my god. You rule.

Um, I might need

to get stoned

to explain this.

Do you smoke pot?

Oh, uh, I was kind of

a dork in high school.

Oh, but you're

in college now.

I can do whatever I want.

Yeah.

Oh, my god, pusher.

As I was saying,

grandma,

/b/ is

an image board

Where people

can communicate

anonymously.

[ coughing ]

And what do people

do anonymously?

Oh, very

important things,

Like post gross,

but hilarious pictures,

Plan raids,

troll scientology,

Make memes,

and in general

Do anything necessary

for the lulz.

I think I'm high

on your marijuana.

[ both laughing ]

Give me my marijuana.

Ooh, I hope there's

some hot guys

at this party.

I like nerdy guys.

Obviously you

like nerdy guys.

Wait. Jacket on or off?

Off. Ready?

Yeah.

[ music playing ]

[ laughs ]

[ laughs ]

You okay?

Hey, uh, what's up,

superhot ladies?

What's up?

Heh heh. I'm guessing

one of you is proxy?

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

What's up, zane?

Zane, yeah.

[ laughs ]

Who's your

smoking friend?

Hey. I'm ashley.

Ashley. Nice.

Uh, I'm used

to living alone,

or else I'd suggest

A three's company

kind of thing.

There's plenty

of room,

Especially

in my bedroom.

[ laughs ] yeah.

[ mouths word ]

Whoa.

Cool.

Oh, so, uh,

You enjoy

the strange?

Yeah, I enjoy

the strange.

[ snorts ]

[ laughs ]

I just smoked pot.

Did that come out right?

Yeah, it did.

No, I enjoy

the strange,

because it's, uh,

Interesting and

often retarded.

That's kind of

my special

research area,

The intersection

of the strange

and retarded.

That would make

a really good soap opera,

The strange

and the retarded.

"and these are

the days of our strange

and retarded lives."

[ laughter ]

No, but, uh,

really, what I'm

interested in

Is how people start

believing in things,

you know?

Like, uh, bigfoot,

for example.

You know,

there's no evidence

that bigfoot exists,

Yet lots of people

believe in bigfoot.

Chupacabra.

Sure.

Sure.

Or how 'bout god?

I mean,

millions of people

go to church,

And there's

more evidence

for chupacabra.

So is god strange

or retarded?

Hmm.

Hmm.

Let's take acid

and discuss.

But first

I need another beer.

Uh, get drunk now,

three-way later?

Sound good? Yeah.

What the?

Oh, hey.

Hey, I think I saw

that guy on campus.

Ashley:

Oh. Should we say hi?

You should say hi.

Go. Go.

I'll be fine. Go.

College party. Go.

Okay.

Hey. I'm ashley.

Hey.

Um, is this

the anonymous party?

Nobody will say.

Oh. Well, then,

I guess it is, right?

[ laughs ]

I'm just kidding.

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