Smokey and the Bandit II

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You may not know me.

I'm Big Enos Burdette.

This is my son, Little Enos.

Believe me, you put Enos Burdette

in the capitol building in Austin...

Holy... Is that who I think it is?

If that ain't John Coen,

then I'm the Incredible Hulk.

Bomb bay doors open.

Bombs away!

Daddy, this bullshit has got to stop.

"Do you know

"You are my sunshine?"

She asked so sweet and tenderly

I reckon if I spend a few more million,

I'd have this election sewed up.

You better. You only raised $80

at that last benefit dinner.

I delivered the Statler Brothers, didn't I?

Are you ready, Son?

Nobody sh*t-bombs a Burdette

and gets away with it.

I'll tell you one thing.

When I'm elected governor...

I'm gonna pass a law

that damn fools like that...

can't fly over other people's property.

Let it fly, boy! Let it fly!

Sh*t!

Enos Burdette, your fat ass will not warm

the governor's chair...

if I have to spend every goddamn dime I got!

Candidates for governor of Texas?

Why don't you boys try something

a little more your size?

If I had my choice,

I'd endorse one of the Dallas cheerleaders...

before I'd back either one of you...

turkeys!

Now, get out of my sight!

What is it?

It's Silisbey, Governor.

Silisbey, I told you before.

I will now tell you again.

Go to Pier 23 in Miami.

Pick up crate number 1444,

and deliver its contents...

to the Republican National Convention

in Dallas in nine days.

No, you fool, nine days! Nine!

That crate is a very special gift from me

to the Grand Old Party.

It'll be your ass if it's not there in time.

Just get me crate number 1444.

- Son, come on. Come on, Son.

- Where we going, Daddy? And why?

We're going to the governor's office,

by way of Miami.

Well, if I can keep it on the ground

when I put that hammer down

Then I'll be Texas bound and flyin'

I've got my 10 in the wind

Let it all hang out again

'Cause how you gonna win

if you ain't tryin'?

Well, we're all back together

and we're burnin' up the road

And that old sheriff's

out there doggin' us again

He thinks he's really got it cookin'

Plans to do a lot of bookin'

Only trouble,

he keeps looking' where we've already been

So if I can keep it on the ground

when I put that hammer down

Then I'll be Texas bound and flyin'

Fred, I know you're nervous...

but if you can hold them burger bits down

for one more lap...

me and you gonna be $20,000 richer!

On to the white flag,

with one lap to go.

Coming down.

Look at that straightaway!

Look at that!

Truck's demolished,

but he's gonna walk away.

Looks like he's all right.

Big Iron coming down to the finish.

The Jimmy General out in front

at the end of 200 miles.

All bunched up and coming down

to the finish line...

your winner will be Cledus Snowman.

Fred, did you ever see a check that big?

I'm gonna use that and get you a face-lift.

Snowman, see you a minute?

Folks, I want you to meet

Big Wart and Little Wart.

You be careful, Snowman.

Us Burdettes don't take kindly...

to a slur on our family name.

I'm sorry. I thought you two was a slur

on your family name.

Snowman, we didn't come here to fight.

He's smarter than he looks, ain't he?

Look, we got us a business proposition.

We gotta find the Bandit.

I figured you was looking for the Bandit.

You know where he is?

That depends on how hard

somebody's looking for him.

- We're looking mighty hard.

- I mean hard, like in hard cash.

$100,000? US?

You want his phone number, MasterCharge

number or the colour of his Jockey shorts?

I mean, I can...

You don't have to take my picture.

I'll go home and sit on your dresser.

Look, time's a-wasting here, Snowman.

You want to breed

or listen to my proposition?

Bring Fred, the truck and anything else

that looks nice down to the pit.

I appreciate you two dropping by

and trashing up my moment of glory.

You want the money or the glory?

I'd like to have them both,

but I got this problem.

Let me guess.

You don't know where the Bandit is?

We got us a winner.

Yeah, my mind went blank.

Let me jiggle your memory bank a little bit.

$200,000?

Well, the clouds are parting a little.

- $200,000. You take it or leave it.

- Would you believe I just got total recall?

Here's the deal. You go down and pick up

this package on a Miami dock...

and deliver it to the governor of Texas.

- The governor of Texas?

- That's right.

Strictly legit.

- And you're Wilt Chamberlain.

- That's right.

Listen, this whole thing is legal.

I'll stake my reputation on that.

His, too.

- That makes me feel a whole lot better.

- There's one thing bothers us.

We heard talk of the Bandit slipping.

"Gone into the shithouse"

is the exact phrase we heard.

May I tell you boys something?

He is in better shape now...

than he's ever been in his life, trust me.

Hey, Bo.

Bo, you all right?

Cledus, you've gotten taller.

Yes, and you've gotten drunker.

This place looks like a shithouse.

- Want to sit down? Sit there.

- Come on, Bo.

What've you got on?

Come on, here.

- Is that you, Cledus?

- Yeah, it's me.

- You dropped my watch.

- I know it. Come here.

Sit down.

- Your timing is just rotten.

- Look.

I'm gonna make us a lot of money.

$200,000. Look.

$200,000.

Big and Little Enos are out there,

and they got $200,000.

I need you to be straight

for three minutes. Can you manage...

That's good enough. Come on.

Come here. $200,000.

But you've got to be straight

for two minutes. That's all I need.

Want a picture of me? Only 50 cents apiece.

- You can have one for nothing.

- Hello.

Fellows. No. Get back in here.

When we get in there,

let me do the talking.

Okay, fellows. Come on in.

Now, he's meditating.

Don't talk to him much.

Don't run off, Bandit. This is a sweet deal.

$200,000 just to bring a package

from Florida to Dallas.

That's what I said: $200,000.

I don't think he's interested.

- What does it take to keep this man erect?

- A different set of figures.

How much more do you want?

Four. $400,000.

You got it. Is it a deal?

I'll check with him.

- Got a deal.

- Okay. Don't get up, Bandit.

I gotta go now,

but I'll see you back in Texas.

- And here's the number of the crate.

- Wait a minute.

He wants to say something else.

Right.

If he doesn't get at least half the money,

he may become very violent.

Give him the money, Little Enos.

I'd like to kick his ass just once.

Come on. Let's go.

He's overdue for

a good butt-kicking.

Look at that.

Do you realize we can start a bank?

That's more money than I've seen

in one time in my life!

You're crying. We got the money.

What are you crying...

I was just thinking about Frog.

I really wish it could've worked for you two.

I'm ready!

Don't hurt the money.

I don't need anybody!

Okay.

You think I ain't ready, son?

You just watch my smoke.

Daddy, come on.

You're gonna be late for my wedding.

Sumbitch.

- Good morning, Sheriff.

- Good morning, nice lady.

You must be mighty proud

of that wonderful son you got.

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