Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 Page #2

You dirty old...

I think she said turn left.

I know she said turn left!

I understand the German language

enough to understand what she told me!

I guess that bought us

about a two-and-a-half minute delay.

This is going to be the most fun we ever had

with our pants on.

Did you remember to take care

of the gas tank?

Do bears defecate rurally?

- What's the matter, Daddy?

- Gas!

Must be that pizza you had for lunch.

Not my belly, the tank!

Didn't you fill it up?

- Well, I thought-

- You thought? What the hell did you use?

- It has to be pushed!

- We can do that easy, Daddy.

What is that "we" crap?

You know I got a double hernia.

You push, I'll steer.

Oh, thank you, Daddy. I knew you'd help me.

He's dumb...

but a loveable sh*t.

Delays like this are going to kill us.

Stopping off for gas,

getting caught in traffic jams.

Everything's against us.

Look out for that car, Daddy!

Where's that fool going?

Daddy, he came awful close.

You should never give

a dummy like that a license.

Tell that road-hog Rembrandt

I'm coming around, and to look out!

Hey, road-hog Rembrandt, look-

Out.

We cost them some time there, son.

I wonder how Junior likes life

in the dumb lane.

Daddy, my face is all white.

Well, put a little lipstick on,

I'll drop you off at a gay bar.

What are we stopping for?

It's time to take out some insurance,

teach those county mounties a lesson.

I don't get it. I mean, they certainly lost

enough time as it is.

We're winning, ain't we?

We're winning, son,

but winning isn't everything.

- What is?

- Winning dirty, boy.

What's the matter with you?

Sorry, Daddy. I lost my head.

- Shame, Little Enos.

- Ashamed, Daddy.

Look, Daddy, here they come.

They're coming, all right.

They put up a roadblock, Daddy.

Daddy.

They aren't going to stop!

Hold on tight. This might be a little bumpy.

This was a brilliant idea.

Don't worry, Son.

I've got something up my sleeve.

I hope it's a chocolate chip cookie, Daddy.

You can dunk my doughnuts

if it ain't a great idea.

It seems to be flooded.

No sh*t.

Buckle up, Junior, we're going

to make a lot of time now!

This is it, son.

I thought from the start

this was a one-man job.

There's only one man I know

that's never let us down.

Homogenise my hostility!

Would you be speaking of-

No, I'm not talking

about that egomaniac.

I'm talking about the only one

we can really trust:

The Snowman.

Now get me that phone.

That isn't the phone.

Fred, you don't know what

it means having you here.

You're the ugliest. Look at your eyes.

Your eyes sag, your ears. Look at that.

Eight yards long. Your lips...

And your breath's bad.

The next time I buy them

deodorising dog biscuits...

you're going to eat them!

Hang on.

Mule Barn, you got The Snowman.

How about-

Look, lover boy, I've got $250,000...

with your name on it if you help us out.

Two hundred and fifty...

You mean, I don't have to drive the truck

or haul nothing but my ass?

I'm going to be The Bandit.

Do I get to wear the hat? The shirt?

And drive the car!

Now, listen!

I think you just got yourself a Bandit. Bye!

I'm going to be The Bandit!

I love it! The Bandit.

Wear the hat, drive the car.

I love it. Give me the car.

All right, Mrs. Fernbush,

let's remember the procedures.

Look both ways before entering

the flow of traffic.

Politeness pays, but look both ways.

Give her a little gas,

and let up lightly on the clutch.

Turn right!

What an a**hole!

Hold on, Dixie

Bandit's on the road again

Look out!

I'm going to be The Bandit. I'm going to...

Oh, Fred?

I mashed your doghouse, son,

but don't worry. I'll buy you...

Fred, I'll buy you

a whole condominium.

Listen, with the money we...

Come here, you.

Now go find your fireplug.

I'm going to go put on my Bandit clothes.

I'm going to be The Bandit.

I'm going to be The Bandit! I love it!

Come on, get after him!

Hey, bubba!

This ain't good, man.

This ain't good at all.

I'm not scared of these crackers.

I'm black and I'm proud.

Three hundred years

of experience tells me...

that you aren't being nothing

but black and loud.

- You better pull over.

- I ain't pulling over for nobody.

We're not making

very good time, Daddy.

Well, as soon as I get around Col. Sanders,

all that'll change.

What the hell are those

Klan clowns doing here?

Here's how you

handle the Klan, Junior.

Get out of here, boy!

Lord have mercy!

I must have died and gone to heaven!

What goes around comes around!

You ever join the Klan, Daddy?

No chance. But your mama did.

When she put on her sheet,

she looked like an iceberg with feet.

The lid is what's

going to make the kid.

What do you think, my man?

I'm talking bad, Fred.

I mean, you got your Bandit,

and then you got...

Pray for that Bandit.

How about you, Smokey?

You got them ears on?

Don't look at me like that, Fred.

Fred!

I told you I would love to take you, okay?

But I can't take you.

The Bandit didn't have no dog

in the car with him!

It just wouldn't look right.

But... Look, Fred.

What if you had your opportunity

to be Rin Tin Tin?

You wouldn't say no to that, would you?

No, you wouldn't. I get to be The Bandit.

You want me to have that, don't you?

Sure, you do.

You're my buddy.

Hey, I knew you was going to be lonesome.

I knew I was going to be gone,

so I took care of you.

Now just a minute. Here.

Look here what I got for you, Fred.

I got you somebody

I want you to meet, Fred.

This is Freda.

There we go.

Freda, Fred. Fred, Freda.

And by the power vested in me,

as owner of both of you hounds...

I now pronounce you basset and basset.

Fred, that means you don't have to

half-ass it.

You get it?

Excuse me. Listen. I've got work to do.

You all have to entertain yourself...

but The Bandit is gonna go smoke

some smokies.

I'll tell you what.

You want to see a bandit?

You're looking at a bad bandit.

I'm talking bad.

Never should've put me

in this thing, brother.

Hear that roar of thunder

Hear those tyres scream

He's every boy's hero

Every lady's dream

Flying down the highway

heading west

They love me.

In a streak of black lightning

Called the Bandit Express

Look out, The Bandit's comin'

Tyres screamin' engine hummin'

Looks like The Bandit's

on the move

Bandit, if you could see

me now. They love me.

Look out, The Bandit's comin'.. Get

your money and warn the women

Tell those smokeys

all to take a rest

'Cause they'll never get

the Bandit Express

They never learn.

Look out, The Bandit's comin'

Get your money and warn the women

Tell those smokeys all to take a rest

'Cause they'll never get

the Bandit Express

Whoa, they'll never get

the Bandit Express

Junior, I want to tell you

an interesting story.

When the Pilgrim Justices landed

on the shores of Texas...

some of the male members of the family...

became lawmen.

All of the lawmen of the Justices...

had sixth sense.

- That's too bad.

- What's too bad about having sixth sense?

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