Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 Page #3

Well, that's not even a dime.

Hi, folks, this is Dusty Trails,

speaking to you live...

from Town's Autorama on the corner

of Second St. and Washington Blvd.

I hope you're enjoying

our million-dollar movie...

and you're going to enjoy hearing

from Skip.

Take it away, Skip!

Thank you, Dusty. Isn't she wonderfuI?

Friends, before

I forget, don't you forget...

to come out here on Sunday

and bring the kids.

'Cause in addition to the best auto values

in town...

we're giving away free oatmeaI cookies

baked by Dusty herself.

Hard to believe somebody

so pretty can cook too, isn't it, friends?

Let's talk about the special of the week.

It's a '76 Mercury Monarch, fully loaded...

but you don't have to be to buy it.

Yes, this low-mileage honey

has got new rubber, factory air...

AMIFM stereo and four brand-new shocks

that I personally installed myself.

Dusty, why don't you tell them

about your cookies...

while I climb up on the hood

and demonstrate?

If you really want to save yourself

a lot of money and grief...

stay as far away from this dump as you can.

See that fool jumping up

on the hood of that car?

That fool wouldn't know a good deal

if someone gave him four aces.

When I moved here, I didn't know a soul,

so I answered his ad for a bookkeeper.

Should've been for a football player,

considering the passes he made at me.

He told me he loved me, needed me,

and was leaving his wife.

The only thing he left was fingerprints.

Hell, he had no intention

of divorcing his wife.

The only intention he had was conning

you people out of a lot of money.

See that special he's jumping on?

It's a special, all right.

Just add three zeroes

when you check out the mileage.

It used to be a taxi!

This gal is taking a walk on Skip Town,

his lies, and his lemons!

Folks, I'm a little irritated. Pardon me.

I hope you enjoy the movie.

But I am leaving. Bye!

Dusty, Skip's going to freak

when he hears that.

That's his problem!

Good luck, kid!

Hold it! Thank you.

I need a ride.

I hope you're going that way.

I sure am. Go straight ahead.

Look, do you mind if I change my clothes?

Change your... What? In here?

Oh, sure. No problem for me.

- Now? In the car?

- Yeah.

You're not going to look.

You're not a peeping Tom, are you?

- I'm not... No!

- Then there's no problem.

No, you've got your peepers

and you've got your non-peepers.

I'm definitely a non-peeper.

But the car's a little weird.

It's very important that

a lawman has sixth sense.

'Cause then he can

anticipate things...

and prevent them from happening.

Even a hound dog has sixth sense.

This is Mother Trucker

in the Hawaiian Tropic, on a smokey watch.

Hey, is that you, Bandit?

Hey, you're looking good.

This is Bandit One calling.

Is that Mama Trucker out there?

Your phone's ringing.

That's a big 10-4, Bandit.

We got smokey on our tail

and he's moving fast.

You better come on in, honey.

Your patch is ready, teddy.

I heard that.

If you're ready, just hold it steady.

I'm coming in.

Cledus, what are we doing under here?

Just getting out of the sun.

Look who just drove by. My.

Want to go fishing?

- I'm game.

- Let's go.

If some crime is going to be committed,

I know it before they start to commit it.

And I can put a stop to it.

If somebody's going to do

something to me...

immediately, I know

they're doing something to me.

That is why you got to have a sixth sense.

I'd rather have a dime.

Hi, boys!

How do.

Bye, boys!

It's The Bandit! Son of a b*tch!

And he's got my fish!

As of this instant, Junior,

we're in hot pursuit!

Look who we got down here.

I guess we better chat with the old boy.

You take this and just have yourself

a conversation with Buford T.

- Go ahead. Go.

- What do I do?

You just talk in it.

Mash that little thing in and talk.

Hello? Mr. Justice?

How you folks doing down there?

We're doing fine, little lady.

And may I advise you that you're consorting

with a criminal.

So when he goes to the slammer,

you go, too.

Oh, really?

While you're at it,

why don't you take a big dump in your hat!

Hold it! Watch that language.

I happen to have my son in the car.

Over and out.

- Thank you, Daddy.

- Shut up, sh*t.

Breaker, breaker, El Bandito,

this is Muddy and Sunny.

What's your 20?

What's your story?

You want to get that call?

I'm a little busy.

Yeah. Hello?

Hello, boys!

Yeah, this is the Bandit Mobile calling!

The man here says you're going

to get your shark before dark!

Long as you don't get funny

with the money. - Who's that?

Probably some floozy he picked up

by the side of the road.

Come on, Buford!

Bring it on, brother!

I sure wouldn't mind a romp

in your melon patch.

What the hell was that?

Sorry, honey.

I'll have to get back to you later.

Excuse me, Sheriff. Why don't you just

let me handle this situation here?

Pardon me, young man,

but you happen to be talking to...

Sheriff Buford T. Justice...

and I'm about to apprehend The Bandit.

Cledus, you attract more fuzz

than a fat man's navel.

I wouldn't give a rat's ass

if you was J. Edgar Hoover...

and he was Machine Gun Kelly.

You're out of your jurisdiction.

I might be out of my jurisdiction...

...but you're out of your league.

Now back off!

I ain't backing off of nothing, Sheriff.

I'm taking charge!

Boy, they're really coming.

I'll tell you what. You just watch. Hang on.

Am I glad I came along on this trip.

I'm surrounded by lunatics.

Sheriff? You might want to

forget about losing me...

'cause I'm here for the duration!

Sh*t!

Far out!

Bandit? You're in a heap of trouble.

Did you see that, Daddy?

That's what happens when you

lock horns with beautiful Buford.

Breaker for that Sandbox Man.

How about you, Sandbox Man?

The Bandit's ringing your phone, you copy?

Hey, is that you, Bandit?

Looks like you got Smokey on your tail!

Right you are!

He's kicking in my back door! Hello?

Bring him by here! We'll take care of that!

I heard that.

We're bringing it. Bye.

- Come on, Buford!

- He won't give up, will he?

What did I tell you?

You know what happens next, honey?

Were gone. Bye, Buford!

Gee, Daddy, this is just like

being at the beach.

It's a minor complication.

Nothing's going to stop me from catching

that big pile of dragon dump.

And when I do...

I'm going to marinate his walnuts.

Get out and dust off the car.

I don't want to foul up your plans

or anything...

but I didn't get any breakfast this morning

and I'm half-starved.

Why don't we pull in up here

and get us a pound of ground round...

and put it down our neck.

Sounds good.

Listen. I think what we have here

is a skull orchard.

Maybe you ought to stay here

and let me get the cheeseburgers...

'cause I'm not sure

this is a place for ladies. Okay?

Cledus, make those burgers rare.

It'll go quicker.

Nice looking set of wheels.

How are you doing, my man?

Yeah. Question's too hard, I guess.

Rare, Cledus. Make them real rare, okay?

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