Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 Page #4

Rare. She wants it rare?

I'm going to get it so rare...

a good vet. could have it on its feet

in 15 minutes.

What do you think?

I didn't mean to wake you up.

So long, cowboy!

Was that with or without onions?

Onions.

With onions. Yeah, with onions.

Be right back. Yes, sir.

We didn't discuss this earlier, but do you

want a large, small, or medium drink?

- Extra large.

- Extra large.

Be right back.

Go get him, Jimmy!

Well, I guess we ruined

your whole day didn't we?

How about some onion rings, honey?

They got-

See? And you remember-

Let that be a lesson to you.

They're sacking them up right now.

- Get him!

- Thank you, my man.

What an animal!

See you.

One cheeseburger for the lady.

Well, all right, my man. Thank you.

Hey, Cledus, you forgot the mustard.

I forgot the mustard.

Women. Sit down.

Me and you gone,

like a big caboose.

See you!

Breaker, breaker, Mr. Bandit.

You might as well give up the ghost.

'Cause I'm staying with you

like stink on a skunk.

Here he comes.

We got him now, Daddy.

Watch out for those eggs!

We almost scrambled some eggs back there.

Well, see,

I was hoping for a Buford omelette.

We lost him.

Talent and pure intelligence

will always triumph over ignorance-

He may be dumb, but he ain't scared.

Oh, dang it!

Not again!

- He's still coming!

- I'm going as fast as I can!

You should've turned right, Daddy.

My flowers!

Look what they did to my flowers.

God!

What the hell are you trying to do,

you homicidal idiot?

Back up and get the hell out of here!

It's kind of a tight alley.

I'm gonna need some help.

- No problem. I'll direct you.

- If you say so.

Okay, back up.

That's it. You're in the clear here.

You're in the clear there.

Keep going. You're in the clear.

Clear on this side.

Clear on that side. Clear on-

- Daddy?

- Shut up!

Clear on this side.

Back it up there.

- But, Daddy!

- Shut up, sh*t!

You're all clear now. Whip on out.

Now, do you see,

what you did with your "Daddy".

But, Daddy, look!

Hold it!

Just what are you trying to do, nice lady?

I'm about to tow this car to the garage.

And may I inquire why?

It's parked illegally

and creating a fire hazard.

And it's one big piece of crap.

May I say, madam, that

you are talking to Buford T. Justice.

I wouldn't care if you

were Sugar Ray Leonard.

Come on, Charlie, let's pull out.

You woman's lib sumbitch.

Get up there and unhook it.

Unhook it!

I'm putting it in reverse!

It's too heavy, Daddy.

I can't get any traction. Unhook it.

I'm gonna give it all it's got!

- Oh, sh*t, Charlie! He's getting away.

- No, he's not.

Get that sucker off!

Wait, Daddy! Wait for me!

I'm right behind you.

Don't leave me.

Wait, Daddy.

Wait, Daddy. Wait for me, Daddy.

I'm getting dizzy, Daddy.

Wait, Daddy.

- Look! You were going so fast!

- I'm sorry.

You came around the corner here,

I couldn't get out of the way.

- Young man, how old are you?

- Are you all right, ma'am?

I'm trying to look at my car!

Do you know who my husband is?

Hold it, Daddy.

I think I'm falling.

Well, nice lady, it looks

like we meet again.

Would you please call a tow truck?

Not if you were Sugar Ray Leonard.

Would you look around in that junk

and see if my son's in there?

Here I am, Daddy.

Would you stop playing with your coconuts

and get in the car?

Okay.

Okay, folks, we welcome you

all to the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show.

We're readying the wall of fire right now.

There are thrills and chills galore.

And as the wall of fire is getting ready-

The crowd's really getting

excited at this point.

I don't blame them one bit. Wait a minute!

I think we've got a surprise visitor.

Yes, we've got The Bandit making

a guest appearance here...

at the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show.

- Where are we, Daddy?

- Indianapolis.

How the hell do I know where we are?

- Daddy, I'm scared.

- I know. I can smell it.

And right into a couple of

demolition cars there.

Buford Justice,

coming around behind The Bandit.

The nuthouse must be having a picnic!

- Look out, Daddy.

- Don't tell me to look out!

- Tell them to look out!

- Look out!

Four tough guys out there.

Listen to those people!

They think I did that on purpose.

They love me!

Hi there! Hey, you all!

Cledus. We got to go.

- My people!

- We gotta go. Bye!

Here we go!

What the hell is happening?

Climb out the window, Junior,

and weigh the car down.

Yes, Daddy.

- There's lots of people out here.

- Well, push, Junior, push!

Damn!

I'm trying, Daddy. My foot's stuck.

I'll release it.

You're killing your daddy!

Get back in the damn car!

Yes, Daddy.

They ain't coming down.

I think they-

Tell them to get out of my way!

I'm coming through!

He's getting awful close.

Straighten out.

Daddy, we're going into a big hole.

Hole, hell! That's a cannon!

What the heck is all this?

Well, the bridge is out.

Well, what do you think

The Bandit would do?

He'd just jump it.

See, but The Bandit will jump anything.

Get it? But I ain't interested

in jumping no river...

I wanna go to sleep. I'm tired.

- I saw a motel right down the road.

- Can you find it?

- Sure can.

- We are gone.

Well, good job!

You gotta try and do the same thing

when the sheriff gets here.

That won't be hard, on account

of Sheriff Justice has only got...

a child's portion of intellect.

Come on! This is gonna be

a ton of fun, son.

Pleasure doing business with you!

Okay! Your turn.

I didn't wash the fish.

Left you...

plenty of hot water.

Come on, here.

$250,000 boy!

I'll get you to...

Yeah, okay.

I'll buy Fred a...

This is a strange thing.

This is... Oh.

Oh. Well.

- What is it, Daddy?

- There's The Bandit's car.

He probably checked into

the motel with that broad.

And he's got the fish with him.

Now, when he's fooling around

and thinking of other things...

- ...we can snatch the fish.

- Thinking of what other things?

You're getting to me.

Just play with your crayons.

Daddy, we just walked by

a penicillin dispenser.

Yeah. I feel like the guest of honour

at a crabs convention.

I'm on the floor.

I'm on the floor.

You be sure to turn out the lights, now,

when you come in here, right?

- Right.

- Yes, ma'am.

Good night.

What the hell is this, another raid?

I paid the Captain two nights ago!

This isn't a raid.

I'm here on official business.

I'm going to make an investigation.

Now you just go ahead and read

your Gonad Gazette.

And here we are in a motel...

with nothing but a few potted plants

between us...

but I know I don't have to worry one bit.

No, Cledus, I know you're the kind of man...

who has the kind of character...

who does not hop into bed

with just anybody.

Right, Cledus?

Oh, no, you don't!

- Who's in there, Daddy?

- I don't know...

...but it's not Jacques Cousteau.

- What's going on?

- Some kind of union meeting.

Get away from there

before you get a herpes on you.

Daddy. Like you said.

Make a wish.

Yeah!

Oh, geez!

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