Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 Page #5

Oh!

Oh, no boys.

- Leave my daughter alone!

- What's the rubber glove for?

You let my daughter alone!

Daddy, there's a fish

that looks exactly like our fish!

That is our fish, you moose twit! Grab it!

Hey, making it with a fish!

Crazy!

Just like the Bible says,

Sodom and Gomorrah.

The Bandit!

We can kill two possums with one rock.

Come on.

- I got you.

- I got you.

Now, wait a minute, ma'am.

What the hell are you doing in there...

all dressed up with a cowboy hat on?

I'm getting all hot and bothered

for the evening, darling.

- Come along with me.

- You got it!

- Give me the key, Junior.

- I left it in the car.

- You left the key in the car?

- If I keep it with me, I might lose it.

We gotta stay hooked up

for a little while longer.

This is getting-

Good heavens.

We can't get out that way.

There must be some other way

out of this joint.

Maybe there's a window in the bathroom.

Let's find out.

- Wait will you! My hat!

- The hell with the hat.

Just perfect. Open up

the window a little bit.

- You're pulling my arm off!

- I can't help it, darling!

All right, get on your back.

Turn around and get on your back.

That's it.

Now start to wiggle out.

That's it, wiggle. Keep wiggling.

I can't do it

unless you come with me, darling.

Will you get out of the way?

I can't-

- God!

- Mama's not gonna like this.

Junior! Open the window up

and give me a push!

All clear, Daddy?

Good. Here comes the fish!

Daddy, I think I should

get the key now.

No sh*t.

Come on,

we gotta get out of here.

Watch out for that guy with the-

Oh, we gotta get out of this!

I'm sorry things didn't turn out

the way we expected.

- Especially you getting the big guy.

- Don't talk to me.

- What's the matter?

- I'm trying to remember his number.

We got to get out of these dresses

and get back to business.

Let's see, was it 555-1414?

- Okay.

- Or 555-4141?

You're killing your daddy!

Get in the damn car!

555-1415?

Just slide it in and come in after it.

Take that fish out of my mouth!

Just slide it- God damn it!

Let me have it!

Now close the door.

Very nice, Junior.

That was very nice.

You know, when this is all over...

I'm gonna buy you a nice lobotomy.

Thank you, Daddy!

Come on, let's give him a taste

of the old Enos devil darts.

These suckers are deadlier than your breath.

Here they come. Get ready.

Done like a true pygmy!

- Great!

- That'll be a 20-minute delay.

Yeah, at least.

I'm really sorry about that fish, Cledus...

but I had no idea there were

fish robbers in the area.

What if The Bandit had lost the fish?

What would he do?

- The Bandit would get it back.

- That's what we're gonna do.

It's flat, Daddy.

Flatter than your mama's chest.

- It's flat, too, Daddy.

- I know that, you pig bladder!

Well, let's see if we can find

a nice citizen with a couple of tyres.

What does that look like down there

on top of that car?

Looks like a fish to me.

Told you The Bandit always gets his fish.

Where are you, Justice

when we need you the most

Where are you, Justice

when we need you the most

Listen.

I'm going to get the fish

while Buford's gone.

Now, be ready to get out of here real quick.

I'll be right back.

- What did I tell you?

- You got him.

Well, when The Bandit goes fishing...

The Bandit goes fishing.

Put this down in there.

Daddy, our fish is gone!

Well, I guess that yanks my chain.

Junior, it's hopeless.

What do you mean, Daddy?

I can't believe that it

all ends like this...

that this is my last hot pursuit...

all on account of a couple of lousy flat

tyres and a fish that flew the coop.

Is he gonna be shocked. Listen.

I'm saying that it's time

to pee on the fire...

call in the dogs, turn off my siren...

switch off my lights...

and return to my old rocking chair.

Daddy, you mean I won't be...

your little tick turd anymore?

Son, you'll always be my tick turd.

Do you believe that?

I love you, Daddy...

even if you can't catch

the bad guys anymore...

even if you're a total failure

and the laughingstock of Texas...

even if Little Enos is gonna get your badge.

I don't care. I still-

Shut up, you barrel of monkey nuts!

Nobody gets the badge of

Sheriff Buford T. Justice!

- Hi, babycakes!

- The return of Frankenstein.

Daddy, it's The Bandit!

Get in the car, Junior.

I don't need any tyres

to catch that box of manure!

But, Bu, what about me?

I'm interested in pursuit, not party time.

- Bu Baby!

- I told you, you flying flamingo...

...my name is not Bu Baby!

- It's Buford T-

- Shut up!

I got a felon in front of me,

a fool in the family...

and a giant nymphomaniac on the roof.

The burden of it all is dragging my ass.

I love it when you talk dirty, darling!

Oh, baby!

Move it, little dogies.

Daddy, look at all the cattle.

What if we hit one?

He gets to be a Big Mac

ahead of all the others.

Are those real cowboys, Daddy?

Look out for the baby cow, Daddy.

- We gave them a bum steer.

- There's only two hours left.

Come on, we got to

get to the ranch.

- Boy, we're lost now.

- We're not lost!

Well, where are we going?

- Down this road.

- Oh. Okay.

Cledus, looks like "down this road"

was a dead end.

Not if you can drive a boat, it ain't.

Watch this.

You stay here and watch the evidence.

When I grab his ass,

it's gonna be the gravy on my grits.

Oops! I'm sorry, ma'am.

Out of my way!

- Out of my way!

- Hey!

That's what you get for obstructing justice.

- Follow that sumbitch!

- Yes, sir. You're the boss.

My groin!

You're grinding my groin!

Bu Baby!

My baby! Bu!

Bu!

Come on, Buford!

Turn right!

I got him now!

Look out! He's a maniac!

Bring it on, brother!

Are you sure you know

what the hell you're doing?

- Sh*t!

- Sorry about that.

Hi!

- Oh, hi.

- We're having a picnic over there...

- and if you'd like, feel free to join us.

- I'd sure like to. But I can't.

Oh, well, if you change your mind,

just come on over.

See, my daddy said I had to stay

right here and keep an eye on...

things.

Holy sh*t!

Oh, mama, we gone!

- Nice going, Cledus.

- I'm telling you. Here he comes!

- Follow him!

- This boat won't do that.

Don't argue with the law!

Follow that sumbitch!

Okay, you asked for it.

- What is the world coming to?

- Here, let me help you.

Are you all right?

What's wrong, Sheriff?

I ain't seen anything like that

since I was a little baby.

You wanna stay, Sheriff,

you'll have to take your clothes off.

I don't even take my clothes off

in front of my good wife Wilhelmina.

Give me the good old days...

when a pair of b*obs

were a couple of dumb guys.

- Junior.

- Oh, hi. This is a great picnic.

Yeah, but there goes

your daddy, and he's mad.

I gotta go.

My clothes. Thanks.

Col. Enos, they're approaching

in a westerly direction.

They're coming through.

I told you they'd take the short cut.

Daddy, when you plot skulduggery,

you plot skulduggery.

Well, my IQ is a little bigger

than my hat size, Son.

Daddy, there's The Bandit!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes